Last week Dreamboat PM’d me on Facebook to invite me to a costume party.
It’s an Egyptian Steampunk Costume Party.
Sounds fun, right?
As you may or may not know, I am not a social events type of girl – especially if I don’t know anyone there and I don’t arrive at the choice to go there on my own.
That latter bit is something I just learned about myself. Maybe it seems dumb that I didn’t see that before now, but I am stubborn. If I feel any pressure at all to do something I don’t want to do, I then want to do it even less.
Recently I have been forcing myself to get out and do those different things, but they are events and environments and times of my choosing. That way I can feel a little more in control of the situation… and I can leave whenever I want.
AND!!! I have not yet established Dreamboat to be a “safe place”.
Meaning = my daughter knows about my crazy and sometimes erratic feelings, emotions and behavior. It’s tough to find a person who can just go along with my flow like that. I’m not entirely sure that Dreamboat can be one of those people. Especially when, on his part, there is so little contact and interest in my life and what’s going on and what interests me.
APO = Apogaea
SBS = Steamboat Springs
For a while I considered going along, but my mind changed when he said I might be able to catch a ride home with strangers… And I really didn’t like his comment about “the Greyhound return trip“… The only thing that seems different about it is that I will be 3 hours closer to home (by car).
It would be kinda cool if he acted like he gave a shit about my feelings…
What do *you* think?
Am I a silly girl to feel that way?
No matter any of this… I am looking for a Daddy and Dreamboat cannot be that…