Since our little ‘disagreement‘ a couple of weeks ago, I haven’t had much to say to Alaska.
He has called to check up on me a few times and my interaction with him has been minimal at best.
Also, I have been trying to stay busy so it’s easier to say, “No” to him when he wants to ‘hang out’.
It’s difficult to share pieces of myself and be vulnerable when I don’t feel I’m being appreciated.
But, way deep down inside I know that he is exceptionally appreciative of what I do for him and what I let him do to me.
He’s just very, very bad at showing me because he doesn’t know how.
Here’s the deal…
Monday morning he called and wanted to see what I was doing for lunch.
And, when he asked me about it (and whether we would meet at my place or his because he wanted to see me), he also asked if he could pick something up for me.
I was speechless.
Firstly, I pack my lunch so I am forced to eat healthy food. For as active as I am, my weight is difficult to maintain, and if I don’t at least try to eat healthy most of the time, my body will balloon out of control.
HE ASKED IF THERE WAS SOMETHING HE COULD DO FOR ME!!!
Holy crap, right!?
I know it’s just lunch, but it sure seems like Alaska took some time while we were apart to think about what I told him.
And THEN made a fucking effort!!!
It wasn’t too long ago he told me that he didn’t have the time or energy to work on a relationship, and he didn’t want to. Yet, here he is right now, right here in front of me, listening to what I say to him and working on it. In itself, that speaks volumes.
Anyway, I tumbled over my words for a second because he caught me completely off guard. I was still upset with him for taking me for granted and here he was showing me he didn’t and wasn’t.
“That’s so sweet that you would offer,” I said. “I usually pack something healthy for lunch so I’m not tempted.” And I started tumbling about again, “Did you want to, er, go out to lunch somewhere and eat food with me and talk?”
“Uh, no.” Now it was his turn to stammer. “I, uh, it’s been a while and I wanted to see you. I was just wondering, since we’re meeting on your lunch break, if you needed something to eat because you won’t have time.”
OMG! What was happening? Sometimes it’s like stepping into another dimension with him!!
“It’s really okay if you’re just looking for a nooner or something like that. I have lunch, it’s fine. Besides, I am so bad at picking something on the spot. Don’t worry about it. Really.”
He snickered when I said nooner. “Are you sure?” he asked.
“I truly appreciate the offer and, I wish I could think of something, but I can’t. What time do you want to meet?”
“How about 1pm at your place?”