Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

So, what happens is:

on January 23, 2021

I spend my entire week (through thoughts of suicide and self-destruction) trying to build myself up and tell myself that I am amazing and smart and worth it – basically, trying to love myself…

(Trust me, it’s not easy fighting the thoughts that I am insane and shit. You *totally* don’t help me. Check it out):

Then I see you, and the things I need to talk about with you, you say “let’s not talk about that” which makes my frustrations seem unimportant to you.

But I NEED to talk about that shit. Even if it seems stupid to you.

Then, **you call me crazy**, and you reinforce all the thoughts I’ve been trying to fight. So, I think again that I’m a a crazy piece of shit, and sink deeper back into that hole of self-loathing because someone I “care about” (you) doesn’t like something about me (my so-called ‘Daddy’ thinks I’m crazy).

I try to reconcile that, but I can’t.

So, I hate myself.

Again.

And more.

After that, I spend the next week trying to build myself up, out of a BIGGER hole, once again trying to tell myself I’m not crazy, that my feelings are relevant and that I am ‘worth it’.

All so you can come over and tell me, yet again, you don’t want to talk about what’s important to me and tell me again that I’m crazy…

It’s a terrible Groundhog Day loop 😢


One response to “So, what happens is:

  1. kalabalu says:

    Crazy people are good. They have imaginations and go beyond the norm. You can let go of the suicide idea, not much to think about ending. Other than that, being crazy is fun 🙂

Talk to me :-)

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: