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Last Year’s Attorney-Man

The most surprising and flattering thing happened to me last Friday afternoon!

Attorney by SybLaTurtue on deviantart

by SybLaTurtue on deviantart

In the midst of total I’m-taking-a-vacation-in-2-working-days insanity, I received a call from Brent – the cute attorney that asked me to coffee last March. March 8, 2013, to be exact (I only remember because I wrote about it here and I can look it up ūüėČ ).

He called my work number, which is listed on LinkedIn and we are connected there. He was awkward and charming the entire call. I’ll do my best to relay the conversation.

He began by saying, “Hello, this is Brent. You might not remember me, but I am the attorney that was representing a collection agency who had filed a lawsuit against you last year?”

“Ummmm…. Yes, I remember you.”

This part was so cute because he seemed so uncomfortable and unsure of himself. “First, I would like to begin by saying that I didn’t call you in relation to that case. I don’t remember what it was about, I don’t care what that case was about. I don’t even represent the company that was suing you any longer.”

As he was talking, I was trying to remember when it was that I went to court. When I realized it had been a full year, a giant grin spread across my face because, in all of my possible realities, I never ever¬†imagined that I was THAT memorable! I felt so flattered, all I could think to respond was, “Okay?”

“I got your work number off of LinkedIn and I wanted to call and see if maybe you would be interested in having lunch with me sometime.”

Because I work for a real estate agency, I thought possibly he was calling me because he was relocating somewhere or looking for a house or looking to sell his (I am naive sometimes, but I already told him “no” and, this type of thing just doesn’t happen in my reality).

I didn’t say anything because I was in shock, so Brent took the opportunity to talk a little more. “I know when I asked you for coffee last time, you said you were involved and I also know that you are at work right now so I will try and make this short: I would really like to have lunch with you one day because I would like to get to know you better. Nothing fast and crazy. Just lunch”

Recovering my ability to speak, I said, “Yes. Lunch would be nice. Just lunch.”

“Yes. Just lunch. I work downtown and I see that your office is in <sometown>. We’re not too far apart to meet somewhere in between.”

I thought, Next week is bad for me. I’m going on my mini-trip with Loverman, and how strange is it getting this call right now, right before that trip. I told him that I wasn’t putting him off, but I wouldn’t be free to have lunch with him until Friday at the earliest because it’s spring break and I am taking a mini-vacation.

“Oh, Friday is bad for me…” He paused for a second, “Maybe you could give me an email address, we could email a couple times first. I would like to tell you more about myself (I giggled when he said that and almost broke in to say “I don’t need a resume” but let him continue) and we could break the ice a little.”

I gave him one of my email addresses. While I was telling it to him he said, “Crap! I have paper but no pen. I’m outside right now. Argh!”

“My email is easy,” I responded, “I’ll tell it to you and you will totally remember it. Trust me.”

I told him and he remembered. About an hour later I got the first email from him. Simple. “Hi, <>. Please let me know if you get this email. Brent”

My response was, “Hi, Brent. Email received ūüôā Thanks for calling me today. You completely made my afternoon!”

I have agreed to lunch with this man because:

  • I am totally flattered that he remembers me after an entire year!
  • I am interested to see what he has to say and how he acts (and dresses and smells)
  • I have been told in the past not to burn bridges. I am not planning on fucking this guy. Maybe he needs someone to help him with accounting work or he likes roller skating (that’s a hobby in my LinkedIn profile)
  • He really might want to buy/sell a house and needs a good agent. Our company is starting up and if I can help bring in business I will (that probably sounds hokey, but it’s one of the reasons I said “yes” to lunch)

Believe it or don’t. I’m just doing this to see what happens. Lunch seems safe…

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I recently watched the Movie Secretary with James Spader and Maggie Gyllenhal.

First, I need to say that I’ve had a huge crush on James Spader since I first saw him way back in the before-time…

Second, (IMHO) Maggie Gyllenhaal is amaze-balls in this!! Cute as fuck!!

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If He’s Nothing Else, At Least He’s Persistent


Admittedly, it’s a very flattering feeling to know that someone has been fantasizing about me for the last two and a half years. And he is a successful attorney after all…

We only met briefly in a courthouse; he was the collection company’s attorney, I was getting sued.

He met me under some rather unflattering emotional conditions Рdoing something new alone (ARGH!!), which just happened to be going to court.

  • He saw me panicking at the beginning while I was explaining things to him (I think I even cried…)
  • I know I cried when the company agreed to settle for half of what I owed
  • I was exceptionally grateful to him after everything was settled¬†and done¬†– I thanked him profusely for being patient and kind and helping to make the process easier for me.
  • Afterwards,¬†when we rode down on the elevator alone together, I was my silly self – making small talk as one does, except I am a total dork…

The day after, I found him on LinkedIn and we connected there.

Maybe that’s why Brent is so attracted to me…

Inadvertently, I charmed his pants off.
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Life is Like a Joke (for Someone Else)

There were a couple of days last week that could have possibly gone a little bit better.

Last Tuesday started out like it was going to be a normal day. I woke up with Alaska, morning sex, shower, kiss good-bye, the whole bit. It was nice.


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A Temporary “Problem”

Before I wrote my Signatures post last week, there was a little bit of “drama” with Doom-n-Gloom.

After all this time, he still doesn’t have any type of government-issued picture ID! He wanders around with a ratty old County-Issued¬†Birth Certificate that the state of Colorado won’t even accept as legitimate proof of identity and his photo ID from work. (I wrote my Is a Drivers License Important? post over 2.5 years ago)

When he gets carded at liquor stores, they won’t sell to him because he can’t prove his age. He then argues with the cashier because he is “obviously old enough to buy alcohol, gray hairs and all!” Of course that never helps, but he feels the need to do it anyway.

He has to call and make special arrangements if he needs to take an airplane anywhere. He gets to go to the Special Kids line… I’m so glad he doesn’t travel often, and never with me.

He can’t even get into a marijuana¬†dispensary, let alone buy the shit!

Two weeks ago we went to a Notary Public at UPS to have our divorce papers notarized so I could file them with the county court.

Of course, the Notary would not notarize Doom-n-Gloom’s signatures because he could not prove¬†he was really him.

I was absolutely furious.

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Innocent Schoolteacher or Hot Librarian?

Image result for raining men

In the past 3 weeks, I have been propositioned by 4 men (*not* including Mr. X):

  1. A 56-year-old single¬†Nigerian man¬†with a Master’s Degree in communication. Originally I met him on Ashley Madison, but he has been emailing me on and off for the past couple of months.¬†Talking with him is fun because¬†he is so smart, and very open-minded to new things. He’s very religious, but he also¬†believes that each of us needs to find our own spirituality. I am working out a name for him.
  2. A¬†44-year-old Cancer (I don’t do well with Cancers,¬†so this is probably the first and last time you will hear about him) – also single. I met him a few¬†weeks ago¬†at skating.¬†He¬†has been aggressively pursuing me since then — especially since¬†he saw me talking to (drum roll please…)
  3. …¬†a¬†29-year-old sweetie with a totally hot bod — I wanna tear that up in so many ways!!! (I want¬†to take him on my February Sk8-venture to Phoenix!!)¬†He is definitely¬†the one I am most interested in¬†getting to know better. We have already spent quite a bit of time¬†chatting and when he is next to me, I can feel the electricity between us. He already has my number ūüėȬ†and because of all¬†that, he shall be dubbed ‘Scorpio’.
  4. Last but definitely not¬†least is¬†one of the men I work with.¬†He’s 53 and wants¬†to start a little somethin’ somethin’ on the side. This one has a girlfriend, but a “friends with benefits” thing with him might be nice…

That’s not even mentioning Sexy Skaterman who has been actively pursuing me since before I was dumped by Loserman.

What I find to be fascinating about all of this is:

all of these men are black

including Mr. X.

I can’t even¬†get a white man to say “Hello” to me (Attorney-Man hasn’t said a peep since last contact), but black men are falling all¬†over each other to talk to me and get my number.

What the fucking hell!?!?!?

I’m not fat, but I am curvy…

(*I* think I’m pretty! (sometimes ūüėČ )

I know there are white men out there who like curves!

But I am not complaining. Not at all! Every single one of the men I noted above is incredibly handsome and all of them take care of themselves (including Mr. X)!

Do black men have more self-confidence? Less to lose?

Maybe it’s something about my “look”… The Cancer told me that I have an innocent schoolteacher look about me;¬†I’ve always thought that, but no one has ever said it to my face. He suggested that I ask the next man who hits on me if he thinks I look like an innocent¬†schoolteacher or hot¬†librarian.

I think I just might do that…

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Tying Up Some Loose Ends


Thing #1’s ovarian cyst went away just like it was supposed to about 2 weeks ago. Now she has absolutely no excuse not to go to beauty school every single day!

ABC hasn’t called back ūüė¶ or sent me an email, to let me know if I was picked for the Nightline episode on infidelity and on-line dating. I thought they told me the episode would air the 21st. It couldn’t have been June 21st because the show didn’t air that night. So, not all hope is lost I guess.

Attorney-man never called me back about a date. He emailed me twice after the initial contact this spring. The second one was to tell me to be patient with him, he just switched jobs and was very busy. Which is honestly true. He’s a connection of mine on LinkedIn.

My next sk8-venture with Loverman has been cancelled. The actual event was cancelled because the rink that was hosting it closed down last month. Great planning on their part, eh? I found out about 3 weeks ago and told Loverman. We haven’t made replacement plans yet and, judging by the way things have been going recently, I’m not sure I want to reschedule a new one (at least not with him).

And the best news of all — I got an email from Mr. AM this morning! We were originally not supposed to meet again until next Tuesday, but this was waiting in my in-box for me this morning:


Ooooohhhh! I like him SO much! He is very no-nonsense. That email even gave me goosebumps!

My response:


I can’t even begin to tell you how excited I am for tomorrow night!

It’s like next week jumped into my lap and yelled “Surprise!”



Make A Choice

Loverman has a weird pain in his leg for over a week now. When he describes it, it sounds like the symptoms I had when I had a blood clot in my left calf, but he won’t go to the doctor to get it checked out.

We just texted about it this morning.

Loverman Leg Pain

Last night he sat out from skating. I asked him to remember how he felt when he found out about¬†my blood clot and what could have happened to me. He understood, but only a little because he still hasn’t made that doctor’s appointment. Even after I told him that I would help him pay for the appointment and go with him for moral support, he only told me that he would think about it.

On a conflicting note, two different guys have been bugging me to go out with them. Like, seriously. Both of them are very cute and very successful and they both have enough money to actually buy me things and take me places… They also take fairly good care of their bodies and totally look like it! One is the attorney-man, Brent, and the other is a gentleman that I met roller skating about 6 months ago. Last Saturday he told me that he really liked me and wanted to take me out to dinner.

Mr. Doom-n-Gloom is still not noticing anything about me. Ever. He only talks to me when he needs me to do something for him.

Neither my shitty husband, nor my incredible Loverman care enough about their bodies to take care of themselves. I hate watching them be miserable and in pain when I am constantly trying to help them get better.

I finally gave up on Mr. Doom-n-Gloom because he knows exactly what he needs to do/eat in regards to his chronic kidney disease/insanely high blood pressure; his doctor has given him written instructions on what to eat and exercises that he can do. I even found him a support group, but he refuses to join because they’re all probably too old and he wouldn’t like it. He simply refuses to do what he’s supposed to do to get/feel better! His kidneys are currently functioning at 42% and that’s good enough for him. He’s dreadfully overweight and refuses to exercise because it hurts too much (agreed, but I told him that he can start slow. Exercise hurt me, too, before I got fit! Also, cutting out the soda pop and kool-aid would really help him shed pounds fast! But he refuses to listen!) He takes his prescriptions and that’s about it.

high-low_bpConversely, Loverman¬†has heart disease, high cholesterol and dangerously low blood pressure (except he doesn’t take any meds to maintain). Pounds are practically falling off of him because he only eats one meal a day — and it’s small and full of unhealthy-ness. He knows that he needs to eat fruits and veggies and healthy things (i.e. oatmeal) for his heart to work more easily, but he doesn’t¬†think¬†he will like the way it tastes so he turns up his nose at pretty much everything without even trying it. I am an AWESOME cook and I make awesomely healthy food: even Thing #1 will eat most everything I cook as long as it doesn’t have tomatoes or pickles (except pizza — pizza can have tomatoes), and she’s almost as picky as Loverman!

It’s so hard to watch someone you love let themselves waste away, knowing that they have the power to make it better.

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Coyness is a Virtue?


Ixxi – Coy Look
by MissMangyKatChessur

Back when I was a teenager I used to be coy intentionally. I teased my boyfriend mercilessly because I loved the control it gave me (big surprise that in High School I only had that one boyfriend). It gave me such a rush to know that someone wanted me that badly (don’t worry, I didn’t tease him that bad. I blew him and he got off…). But I was also raised by some very crazy religious parents, so part of this coyness was covering for my naivet√© because I seriously didn’t know.

I thought I had grown out of that a long time ago, but apparently not. I guess I acted like that coy girl so often that she just became a natural part of me. So now it seems like it’s something that I do instinctively.

I think that’s what happened last Friday when that collection attorney (Brent) asked me for coffee (and, by the way, I did find him on Linked In and added him as a Connection ‚Äď and he accepted! Probably because of my mad writing skills ;)). While I was trying to be polite and conversational in the uncomfortably silent elevator, I probably gave him some kind of look or my body spoke to his subconsciously in some way — I don’t freaking know! I like to joke around a lot… Maybe it was my silliness that drew him to me. That’s one of Loverman’s favorite things about me…

I have that tendency to seem naive and innocent… Maybe my charm is just in my simplicity and not because I am intentionally being demure. Sometimes simplicity can be demure, right?

The reason I am even bringing this up is: I caught myself doing it today.

One of my attractive male co-workers walked past my office. He looked over at me and smiled. I returned his smile and nodded — you know, the silent “hello”? But then, for some reason, my hand pops up from my typing and waves timidly at him over my computer screen.

WTF was that?

I’m glad he had already turned the corner and didn’t see my reaction. I don’t know what I looked like, but it had to have been something akin to surprised realization.

Fall For Meby kestar

Fall For Me
by kestar


Credit Cards Suck, but Happy Friday Anyway!


I had to go to court this morning for a credit card. I opened it up a long time ago to help build my credit. For a while it did help me. I was paying more than the minimum payment due every month. Eventually they raised my credit limit from $300 to $500. It didn’t take long for me to spend that extra $200.

That’s when we started having financial problems and I got behind on my payments. They reduced my credit limit back to $300 and started charging me over-limit fees and $50 per month late fees. The balance got out of control faster than you can say “krabby patty!”Krabby Patty and I stopped paying because it was a losing battle.

As you probably already know, credit cards sell their overdue accounts to collection agencies and, eventually, they sue you.

I was being sued for $1,197.00.

I got to the courthouse a little early this morning and failed the metal detector the first time. They dug through my purse, left the two Bic lighters that were in there, and found a corkscrew! Ooops! The nice policewoman told me that I could take that out and leave it in my car or they could confiscate it right then, but I wouldn’t get it back.

I brought the corkscrew out to the car and went back in to try again. This time I passed! Yay! With the policewoman’s, “Much better,” I was on my way to find my name on the docket.

My courtroom was on the 6th floor at the end of the hall (boy am I glad I can walk again!!!). I checked in and the Plaintiff’s attorney wasn’t there yet. It passed 8:30 and the attorney still had not arrived. I sat on the edge of my very uncomfortable seat with my fingers crossed, hoping that he wouldn’t show up! He did get there, 20 minutes later, and called my name up to talk to him.

He was tall, blonde with light blue eyes (the kind with the deep blue ring around the outside of the iris) and had a receding hairline. His hair was buzz-cut and he had on a light brown suit with just a plain light-blue Oxford underneath. He had a very modest dark-brown tie that went very well with his ensemble. The thing that stood out the most for me were his glasses, though. Since I wear glasses it’s one of the first things I notice when I meet someone. They were also dark brown and light blue, but it didn’t look like the glasses matched the suit intentionally. The rims were square, heavy rim on the top and none at the bottom. They ‘suit’ed him nicely. His name was Brent. (He was cute!! I think I will look him up on Linked In tonight and “make a connection’ ūüėČ )

Brent pulled up a chair for me and I sat down explaining I have no idea what to do, I’ve never done this before… What he told me was that I could call the number on my summons and make some sort of payment arrangement today. Then, when I finished with the payment arrangements, I was to go back and speak with him.

I called and made an arrangement. I explained my situation and that my husband is sick and at the doctor a lot and also that I just broke my ankle and the surgery/hospital/doctor bills have started to accumulate on that… Also, I am paying the IRS $400/month for back taxes. I explained that I didn’t think that I would be able to reliably follow a payment plan but I would be willing to settle right here and now for $400. The nice man on the phone, Todd, said that he thought that number seemed low, but he would discuss it with his supervisor and get back with me. Could I hold for a minute?

And that’s all the time he took. One minute later, Todd came back on the line and told me that they would take $600 today to clear the debt completely. I readily agreed… Originally I was going to offer $500 to start, but¬† that wouldn’t have given me very much play in case they wanted more… I am glad I lowered my offer to $400.

Todd took my debit card information over the phone and put me on hold again while he waited for the transaction to clear. It did – YAY!

I returned to the courtroom, with Todd still on my phone, and handed him off to Brent. They spoke briefly to confirm that I had made a payment and that everything was good to go. Brent then told me that the case was settled and we could file with the court clerk and be done.

That was totally awesome! I got my printout from the clerk and left the courtroom earlier than I had anticipated, and much happier…

I got on the elevator to go back down and guess who hopped on right after me? Brent. Ooooooohhhh……

I am not one for uncomfortable silence, so on the way down I made small talk with him. Asking him if I was the only person he had to see today, “Yes” and then I responded that must be nice on a Friday. Was he disappointed that I actually showed up? “No, your case went very fast and we got it taken care of early. I have something else much later in the day though, up in G……”

I told him to drive carefully coming back from there because it’s supposed to snow and G….. is pretty far away.

We arrived at the first floor and both of us exited the elevator saying have a good weekend…. I turned to go to the parking lot and was starting to walk in the opposite when Brent grabbed my elbow gently and, at the same time, said my name. It sounded nice…

I turned towards him, his hand still cupping my elbow, he asked me “Would you like to join me for a cup of coffee?” With his other hand he motioned towards the coffee shop in the courthouse.

I think I blushed, but I sweetly declined his sexy invitation for coffee because I had to go to work (when I got to work and told my boss she said I should have gone with Brent to see what happened!).


I left that place walking on Cloud 9! Not only had I settled a debt for 1/2 of what I owed, but the plaintiff’s attorney asked me out after it was done! The rush from this will probably get me through the entire weekend — I hope no one comes along and bursts my bubble (like Mr. Doom-n-Gloom, the husband…)

The first thing I did when I left that building was call Loverman to tell him! I figured he would get a good laugh about it because he keeps telling me that I am sexy and guys are watching me all the time. I didn’t used to believe him. I thought he was having fun with me and trying to help me feel more pretty — at the time I had just started losing weight and he was very proud of me, I thought that was his way of motivating me.

Loverman laughed his ass off when I told him and said, “See I told you. Guys are forever checking you out! What did you wear today? Are you in one of your fuck me dresses?” (he calls ALL of my dresses fuck me dresses – they’re not. They’re just professional dresses that happen to look very flattering on my body)

I told him that I am wearing a purple button-up shirt and my Lee jeans. He’s seen both and neither are anything special, just good for business casual Friday at work is all…

He said, “That’s my girl! I kind of wonder what would have happened if you said yes…” We talked a little longer and he kept going back to that statement over and over again. Enough times that I eventually said, “Next time I will say ‘Yes’ and let you know what happens then.”

Loverman was quick to respond to that comment with a resounding “No, that’s okay. I was just wondering¬†is all! Gees…”

Now I am regretting saying no, just a little… I wonder what would have happened…