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The Other “Other Men”

Perpetually under construction

Seriously Folks, this page should have a different name. Most of these men aren’t “other men”. Some are in a grey area of in-between, but most of them happened after my divorce…

Loserman is my only true “other man” – I cheated on my (now x-)husband with him for 6 years.

He ended things with me November 8, 2014. It took me 7 months to see it was truly over, but I fought it all the way 😦 It was truly pathetic now that I look back at it.

I’ve been divorced since September 21, 2015.

Alaska – (post-divorce, late 2015 to present – off and on, more on than off currently ) We met through Tinder at the beginning of September 2015. He was my first “boyfriend” as a single person; my first “Daddy”; my first butt sex… I like him, I think he likes me… But I’m still guarding the tenderest part of myself from him whilst trying to figure him out.

Dreamboat – (post-divorce, May 2016- present?) I was “dating” Mick (below) at the time and I only wanted a better different piece of ass for a second, so I went exploring on Tinder. This was only meant to be a one-time hook-up.

Then it was twice. Then he was asking me to marry him. Then he moved to Steamboat Springs…

It all happened in a matter of a few weeks. What a whirlwind!

We texted throughout last summer, on and off. At one point, he drove a friend to the airport and, on his way back home stopped and took me to dinner.

During the fall, communication with him dropped off to practically nothing until he invited me to come see him again on St. Patty’s weekend 2017…

Mr. Nice Guy – (post-divorce, early 2016- January 2017) We work in the same office. So, by his rules we can only be friends… After more than a dozen dates over about a year, two of which I had my hand on his rock hard cock (through his pants!), and another time when he answered the door in his underwear (I stopped by to pick something up. He was expecting me),

we never once had sex!!!

He’s short and nice and funny and chivalrous and we have a great time when we’re together. He’s taken me to the museum, out for pizza, to a comedy show, The Cheesecake Factory, Mongolian Barbecue, the Movies… Most times we’re together, we smoke way too much weed.

Mick/”Jim” (post-divorce, Feb-Sep 2016) – I guess it kind of means something when I can’t think of much to say about him… He was 14 years my senior. We have had a 6-month “contract” that expired on September 27th, 2016. However, I ended it a couple of weeks early – not on good terms.

Mr. X – (pre-divorce, late 2014 – early 2015) He was a VERY short-lived fantasy of mine (not even three months). We had sex 3 separate occasions. I was too needy – I met him right after Loserman broke up with me. It just didn’t work out and I am okay with that. He has since reconciled with his wife and he only keeps tabs on me through my blog.

Mitch – (pre and post-divorce, 2014-2015) He was a real estate agent in the office where I work. 58 years old… We had been friends through work for a while, but it started to be a more than that after Loserman stopped talking to me. He checked up on me regularly during the two years we were friends. For a little while, I wanted to get more serious with him, but he told me all we could ever be was FWB. I was good with that. He ended things poorly with me at the beginning of 2016 when he moved to a different real estate firm.

TC – (divorce in process) He was my “Twitter Crush”. Long distance, whirlwind romance from March to August 2015. We spent three weekends together, each progressively worse than the last. He was completely enamored with me, then he kinda liked me and then he completely didn’t (when he found/read a previous version this page, actually). It was absolutely crazy-making (understatement of the year)! Turns out he is a total horsefly. All along he knew about my blog, but had only read the most current posts and had never explored into my past. I am transparent as glass here 99% of the time! I thought he knew almost everything about me when we started something. This has taught me that telling my lover/partner about my blog (or dating someone who finds me through my blog) is a very terrible idea. (I know of others who can attest… I should have taken their stories to heart and learned from them… But that isn’t how this life-thing works now, is it?)

Azi – (mostly pre-divorce) My on-again, off-again booty call from December 2014 to October 2015. Azi is a 55-year-old, divorced Nigerian man. Very vanilla – always missionary-style, no oral. We had intense therapy sessions after sex. Once I left angry and he thought I would never call him again – he had made some comments about how I was going to get back together with Loserman (I told him that friends support each other in their weakness and have faith in their strength, then I walked out. I have actually had that exact same conversation with Loserman). Another time he told me that I was VERY wrong to write/read/watch porn; that it will desensitize me and make me think all sex is cheap and trashy. It was an interesting and heated conversation where, at the end, he apologized for being judgmental and presumptuous. I haven’t seen him since.

Scorpio – (pre-divorce) A 24-year-old hottie that I met skating one Sunday – Skaterman (directly below) introduced us. We fooled around for a very little while at the beginning of 2015. I thought he dropped off the planet, but it turns out he moved to Phoenix and works with friends that *I* introduced him to! He is currently traveling around the country doing research for a project called Roller Skate Reality Show. (That’s pretty much done with now. Apparently in 2017 he’ll be back in Denver. I look forward to seeing him, but don’t really want anything sexual with him again.)

Sexy Skaterman/Skaterman – (pre-divorce) one of my roller skating friends. He was very aggressive in his pursuit of me while I was with Loserman. He was in and on-an-off relationship with one of my girlfriends, Amy. But that’s over now (she says). I used to talk to him on our skate nights and he would give me drunken advice – but he moved back home to Chicago. The only thing I have done with him is kiss – and he touched my boobie once… 😉

Bruce – (post-divorce) Craigslist Date #1

Shakespeare (just one date, but it’s noteworthy) –

Next: My FetLife Dating “Adventures”

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Life Must Go On

FallRollFest

This November, for the third year in a row, I will be attending Kansas City, MO’s Fall Roll Fest.

Except this time will be different.

I’m not going with Loserman. He’s completely out of the picture.

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Just Fucking Tell Me

There was supposed to be a real-life story that goes along with my question, but I just couldn’t articulate it well.

I am so emotionally conflicted about it that I am having a hard time putting it in words. Probably because it hits so close to my heart right now… I’ve tried typing it out and I’ve tried writing it down.

No matter what, I can’t make the story come together congruently. Read the rest of this entry »

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Sk8cation: The Drive Home (Monday and Tuesday)

Click here to read Sunday.

Sk8cationPalm

I wish I could tell you that we drove home in peace. The End.

That’s how I wished it would be.

Truthfully, I think this trip was karma serving me up some of my just desserts. So, I was still trying to roll with it.

For the most part…

It would be over eventually, right? And I was probably learning something…

This last part of the story is going to be difficult to write because there were a lot of my feelings involved and even more talking. Of course you are only going to hear what I remember, which is definitely going to paint me in a better light, but I always try to put this out here as objectively as I can. This journal is something I go back to later in order to see what-the-fuck. It’s important to me that I am as accurate as possible.

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Sk8cation: Sunday

Read about Friday, Saturday Morning and The Rest of Saturday

After Saturday’s skate party was over, our fellow Denver-ite skater friend, Maya, asked for a ride back to our hotel. She wanted to wait in the lobby for her ride back to town and I was happy to oblige. It was nice to have someone else to talk to after skating – someone who has been to one of these things before… The conversation was nice and I learned a lot about the Denver skate drama scene (one thing she told me made me very happy I hadn’t gone to a skate party the year before with a different girl. Whew!).

I had mentioned a few times near the end of the night that I wanted to take a bath – I could feel the soreness in my bones. So, we returned to the hotel and said “Good-bye” to Maya. I told Scorpio he could take the first shower – I didn’t want to get my dirtiness all over the shower before he had a chance to get clean (seriously, that’s how I said it). Also, I wanted to take my time lounging in the hot water. Maybe his germ-o-phobe ass would fall asleep before I crawled into bed like the night before.

He didn’t even suggest that we shower together, he just hopped in the shower and started…. We talked while he was cleaning off – he was telling me what a great time he had, how he had no idea how much fun it would really be and thanking me for “inviting” him! He was downright giddy!

Then, something strange happened. He finished up his shower, dried off and started running a bath for me. I was shocked and all I could think to say was, “Ummm… Thank you for running my bath?”

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Sk8cation: The Rest of Saturday

Read about Friday here

After our wonderfully awkward morning together, Scorpio needed to take a shower (ya think!?). But it wasn’t only because of his little phone sex episode in the bed earlier, it was also the fact that he has to be as germ-free as possible at all times and he had just spent and entire night sleeping across a king-sized bed from my filthy ass. (Can you feel the sarcasm oozing here?) We were going to a free picnic in the park that afternoon and he needed to look his best.

To be honest, I don’t remember what I did while he was taking forever to get ready. It didn’t bug me for the first half of the vacation, but he just takes so long to do everything. I was probably out on the deck again getting high. That’s probably why I don’t remember.

Anyway… The picnic was pretty freaking awesome!!

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An Interesting Development

A couple of weeks ago at Sunday night skating, I was talking to Sexy Skaterman about his on-again-off-again girlfriend, Amy, and mentioned that Loserman and I were no longer ‘seeing’ each other.

We talked about it for a couple of minutes, but I’m not ready to deal with the pain of talking about it, so I said my peace and we went on and skated.

I appreciate that he didn’t take the opportunity to hit on me. It was nice that he just apologized and said, “I don’t think you guys are done yet.” (‘you guys’ = me and Loserman)

But he did end up introducing me to one of his buddies.

Here’s how it went down:

I left the skate session 15 minutes early because the music started getting a little too mushy for me — couples were all skating sexy on the floor… I started to miss stupid Loserman my old skate partner, and I didn’t want to think about it, so I left.

When I got out to the car, I realized that I didn’t have my keys in my jacket pocket.

I started to freak out!

…breathe…

I could see the keys hanging from the ignition. *sigh*

My purse was in the trunk, but I had my cell phone in my pocket. Good thing I have AAA on speed dial…

I called and was told that someone would be out to help me in less than 60 minutes. I was satisfied with that.

While I waited, a few of my friends talked to me and said good-bye. You know, regular stuff.

The parking lot had mostly cleared out and there were only a dozen or so cars scattered around. Skaterman just happened to be parked two spaces away from me with only empty spots between us.

He came out of the rink while I was waiting for the locksmith to arrive, accompanied by a very handsome young man.

I didn’t think anything of it. Skaterman is very friendly and tons of people skate with him and talk with him. He teaches people skate moves. Sometimes he gives people rides.

While we were chatting, I explained what had happened and why I was just standing out in the parking lot waiting at my car. Skaterman laughed because, just that morning, he and his girlfriend had locked themselves out of their car!

After a good laugh about that, Skaterman introduced me to his handsome young friend “Scorpio“.

I had seen Scorpio the last few times I’d been this rink (not my ‘normal’ rink. I started skating somewhere else because I’m sick of everyone asking me where Loserman is). I thought he was totally cute, but very out of my league! That didn’t stop me, though! I would still smile at him when I skated past. That’s just the way I am: I can get a really intense look on my face when I’m skating, so I smile at people so they don’t think I am angry or whatever.

We stood and talked in the parking lot until AAA arrived. The AAA truck drove to someone else’s car, talked to someone else, and then left.

WTF?!?!

I immediately called AAA to tell them that the locksmith had shown up, but talked to someone else. The woman at AAA confirmed that my ticket had been closed.

WTF?!?!

After asking again for them to please help me get into my car, AAA called the locksmith again and asked him to call me and clear things up.

As this is all happening, I realize that this is the first impression Scorpio is getting of me. So, I tried to be my nicest self even though I was standing in the freezing cold: frustrated and shivering (and kind of wishing he would pull me into the giant leather coat he was wearing…).

The locksmith apologized and said he would be back shortly to unlock my car.

The second time we waited in Skaterman’s warmed-up car. We talked more about his girlfriend who broke her wrist skating the week before, and I got to know Scorpio a little better.

We didn’t talk about much else. Skaterman and I did most of the talking while Scorpio sat in the back seat and listened.

Every once in a while, he reached up as he was saying something and touched my shoulder. When he did that I would looked back at him and smile. It was nice and, every time he touched me, I could feel the electricity from him through my heavy winter jacket!

Finally the locksmith arrived a second time. It took him less than 3 minutes to unlock the door, get my information for his paperwork and be on his merry way!

As I said good-bye to him, Scorpio pulled me in close and hugged me tight. Holy Shit! Again with the electricity! Wow! My face was against his neck and took a huge amount of effort on my part not to kiss him right under his ear (that’s my spot – I love kissing there), but I did inhale as much of him as I could 😉 There was palpable energy between us. Before I could pull away from him completely, he started asking me for my number.

We exchanged information, then Skaterman gave me a hug and told me everything would be okay (re: Loserman).

Both of them asked me to send a text letting them know when I made it home safely.

MeetingScorpio1a

The next morning, on my way to work, I got this:

MeetingScorpio1b
Beautiful text. But, ummm… What??? ???

MeetingScorpio1c

I read it to Thing #1 when I got home that night.

Her response was:

Wow, Mom! And you didn’t even have sex with him!

*smh*

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Innocent Schoolteacher or Hot Librarian?

Image result for raining men

In the past 3 weeks, I have been propositioned by 4 men (*not* including Mr. X):

  1. A 56-year-old single Nigerian man with a Master’s Degree in communication. Originally I met him on Ashley Madison, but he has been emailing me on and off for the past couple of months. Talking with him is fun because he is so smart, and very open-minded to new things. He’s very religious, but he also believes that each of us needs to find our own spirituality. I am working out a name for him.
  2. A 44-year-old Cancer (I don’t do well with Cancers, so this is probably the first and last time you will hear about him) – also single. I met him a few weeks ago at skating. He has been aggressively pursuing me since then — especially since he saw me talking to (drum roll please…)
  3. … a 29-year-old sweetie with a totally hot bod — I wanna tear that up in so many ways!!! (I want to take him on my February Sk8-venture to Phoenix!!) He is definitely the one I am most interested in getting to know better. We have already spent quite a bit of time chatting and when he is next to me, I can feel the electricity between us. He already has my number 😉 and because of all that, he shall be dubbed ‘Scorpio’.
  4. Last but definitely not least is one of the men I work with. He’s 53 and wants to start a little somethin’ somethin’ on the side. This one has a girlfriend, but a “friends with benefits” thing with him might be nice…

That’s not even mentioning Sexy Skaterman who has been actively pursuing me since before I was dumped by Loserman.

What I find to be fascinating about all of this is:

all of these men are black

including Mr. X.

I can’t even get a white man to say “Hello” to me (Attorney-Man hasn’t said a peep since last contact), but black men are falling all over each other to talk to me and get my number.

What the fucking hell!?!?!?

I’m not fat, but I am curvy…

(*I* think I’m pretty! (sometimes 😉 )

I know there are white men out there who like curves!

But I am not complaining. Not at all! Every single one of the men I noted above is incredibly handsome and all of them take care of themselves (including Mr. X)!

Do black men have more self-confidence? Less to lose?

Maybe it’s something about my “look”… The Cancer told me that I have an innocent schoolteacher look about me; I’ve always thought that, but no one has ever said it to my face. He suggested that I ask the next man who hits on me if he thinks I look like an innocent schoolteacher or hot librarian.

I think I just might do that…

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Words About My Weekend

I have all sorts of thoughts racing around in my head. If this is fragmented, I apologize. It’s just my frustrated thoughts.

The trip to my Caregiver last Friday night went much worse than I expected. *sigh*

Like every other time when I go to buy my stuff from her, I gave my Caregiver a hug right away, put my money on the counter, and asked her for what I wanted.

This time she said, “I don’t think so, Hita. Not right now. First I think we need to talk about what’s been going on at work the last couple of weeks. I’m really upset with the way you’ve been treating my daughter .”

The look on her face and the tone in her voice led me to believe that she was going to be cutting me off.

I asked if I could sit down and take off my jacket (I wanted to get comfortable for the rest of my “talking to”, and I also wanted to listen to what she had to say because I really respect this woman). She told me to make myself comfortable and then asked me if I wanted a glass of water.

“No, thank you.” I responded.

Before I went over to her house, I expected that she was going to want to talk with me about how things are going at work; about my interactions with her daughter. I actually wanted to talk to my Caregiver about it and see if there is a different way that I can approach her daughter.

I also hoped that maybe she wanted to hear my side of the story.

She didn’t, at least not until all of the very worst things had been said.

I am an idiot to have thought that initially would want to hear my side of the story. According to her daughter, I had been a complete ogre to her for the last two weeks.

My Caregiver proceeded to stand in front of me and tell me all the things wrong that I had said to her daughter.

The Off-the-Chain-Crazy-Girl that I work with has been lying to people outside of my normal circle (yet whom I still respect) about what I am saying to her. Apparently, I told the Crazy Girl that I don’t want to be best friends any more (???), and I told her she treats me just as badly as she treats her boyfriend (every time he makes her unhappy she threatens to leave him, then she fucks him later to ‘make it right’ – I would be happy if she left me!).

I never said a single one of those things to Crazy Girl.

I guess I make the poor girl cry every single day and now all the people in my office can’t stand being around me because of it. The exact words from my Caregiver’s mouth were, “Nobody in your office likes you right now.”

My heart fell out of my chest onto the floor and I think I stopped breathing. I thought that most of the people I worked with, the 5 agents in the office, liked me just fine. Boss-Lady gave me my annual review just last week and told me that I was doing really well working with the people around me and is proud of my improvement.

In my head, I was ready to put my jacket back on and leave. But, like I said, I respect this woman. She has helped me through some difficult emotional times and I appreciate her straightforward point of view — and I really REALLY wanted to buy my drugs(!!!).

Eventually, after she had broken me down to the point of trembling and barely being able to breathe, she let me defend myself.

I told her that I understood her protecting her daughter and I appreciated it because I have daughters, too.

I explained that I never said those things to her daughter. Not once. Ever.

I said that Crazy Girl has a tendency to take things very personally when I am simply being professional. I explained that I have been a trainer at several of my past jobs and have NEVER had these kinds of problems when I am trying to teach someone something.

It’s like Crazy Girl is holding me responsible because she feels stupid when she finds out how simple the thing was… You know? She even calls herself an idiot after I help her. *I* don’t.

My Caregiver heard everything I had to say and apologized for hurting my feelings and bringing up the whole thing.

But she had to. In order for our relationship to survive, she had to concede a small bit and I had to listen to an hour of slander.

It hurt and I am SO glad that I had today off (Columbus Day, bank holiday).

I don’t think it was a long enough time to erase the hurtful things I heard on Friday night. I will just have to hunker down and work on the budgets and try not to think about the lies that my crazy co-worker is telling about me behind my back. *sigh*

I don’t know how to be anyone else but myself…

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Saturday night, right after I parked my truck at the skating rink, my friend ‘Amy’ knocked on the passenger window and asked if she could get in. She needed to talk.

I unlocked the door. She sat down next to me, closed the door and started to cry.

She told me that, about a month ago she got herself involved with Sexy Skaterman. She had just broken up with him that morning.

It turns out that she couldn’t handle all of his sexy talking to other women (and sexy touching). Even when he told her that he was “just talking to them, baby. It’s nothing.”

Last Thursday night, someone approached Amy and told her that she shouldn’t get involved with Sexy Skaterman because he was a player.

That, along with him touching some other woman all night Friday while they were supposed to be on a date, made her rethink her “relationship” with him! Then, he took her home and acted like it was no big deal.

She couldn’t handle it and broke up with him. She was glad to see that I showed up to go skating Saturday night because she didn’t know if she would have been able to make it by herself.

I had no idea this woman was involved with that asshole.

But, apparently Loverman knew all about it.

And when I told him about it later while we were talking on the phone, Loverman said, “I told you I didn’t like that guy. I know he’s a player. If I ever find out that you slept with him, you will be SO sorry. I get so angry when I see you talking to him.”

First, I guess I’m glad that I didn’t sleep with Skaterman.

Second, I am kind of grateful to see that Loverman is finally claiming some kind of ‘possession’ of me.

Third, what he said really hurt me. I can’t figure out where I am at with Loverman. He’s very jealous and scared that I will fuck someone else, but he practically throws me into their arms with his vocal and blatant lack of trust.

I tried to reassure him by saying, “I’m not going to fuck Skaterman. I know what kind of douchebag he is and I am glad I haven’t fallen under his spell. I just wish that you could hear me when I tell you that my heart is all yours. I wish you could see it. It breaks my heart when you tell me how much I don’t care about you.”

Loverman wouldn’t hear me. He was blinded by jealousy and focused on the fact that he thinks (rather, he knows) I am definitely going to fuck Skaterman (which I am not).

I got upset with him and asked him to change the subject. I told him that it would be a lot easier for me to NOT screw around on him if he wasn’t constantly telling me he knows I’m going to.

When he gets like that I can’t talk to him. He’s completely blinded by jealousy and rage at all of his exes.

But, instead of getting my feathers ruffled this time (because he is partly right about me), I let him be angry with me for potentially cheating on him with someone I didn’t. Even though I could have because Loverman is always telling me I am going to anyway.

I realize the last paragraph was practically unintelligible. I just hope you could understand what I am trying to say…

And I haven’t even had a single drink since the bottle of wine when I got home Friday.

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Surprise!

If you’re one of my regular readers, you know that I go roller skating mostly every Saturday night. Lately, I have been going alone, but Thing #1 used to come with me. And, a long, long time ago, Loverman used to skate Saturdays with me.

Recently, there has been a sexy Skaterman who has been trying to capitalize on my solitude. He likes to take me out for pancakes after skating and woo me with words that will never turn unto actions. Last Saturday he texted me again to find out if I would be solo.

R U rollin’ tonight?

Yessir!

R U solo?

I think so.

The truth is, I didn’t want to answer his second question. I wished I wasn’t skating alone. I wanted a buffer — Thing #1 or Loverman… Anything! Because last week I told him I didn’t want to do this any more.

I guess Skaterman isn’t convinced that I completely love my Loverman (rightly so. I led him to believe it.) and he is taking advantage of my seeming indecision. Except that last week, I thought I was very clear to him that I am not willing to play whatever game that Skaterman is playing. *shrug*

(Request) Surprise Hug From Russia by tabbycat1212

(Request) Surprise Hug From Russia
by tabbycat1212

Loverman was scheduled to work that night so I wished really really hard that he would be there, but I knew it probably wouldn’t help
His work starts at 10 and so does skating.

It turns out that supervisor called and told him that there were too many people scheduled and Loverman shouldn’t go in that night.

So, Loverman surprised me at the skating rink!

It was the most amazing feeling!!

And he didn’t let go of me all night, while Skaterman watched.

Hopefully Skaterman got that message! 😉

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