Status

Suicidal Tendencies

 

Suicide has always been something my brain tosses about when I get frustrated, but I never really talked to anyone about it because:

Why should they even care?

Everyone has their own shit to deal with.

What can they do to help?

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Aside

Daddy?

This is a comment a friend of mine made.

It upset me more than I can explain or understand…

It was strange how I reacted so strongly to a simple, ignorant statement.

For some reason I felt the need to educate her in a gentle and friendly way.

I thought for quite a while on what I wanted to say.

My comment was very basic. I just wanted her to open her eyes a tiny bit. It wasn’t important to me that she understand the concept entirely.

It’s kind of like a pet name. Like Baby or Sweetheart or Honey.

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Dear Butterfly Man

Dear Butterfly Man

1. You can’t handle me, because
2. You have TWO *little* kids, who
3. Need you to be their Daddy, because
4. They don’t really have a Mommy

I actually need a Daddy, too. And there is NO WAY I would ever want to interfere with you being YOUR CHILDREN’S Daddy. That is more important to me than myself.

As cool as you are, I have no desire at my age to wait 10 more years to see if what we have *might* work.

And I do not like children. Mine are even questionable at times, and they are grown.

Period.

Aside

Show Me

Reminders so I don’t take him back:

  1. Telling me my feelings are stupid when he doesn’t understand them
  2. His conceit and selfishness
  3. He’s a loud open-mouth chewer
  4. It’s always a struggle for his attention and time
  5. Not keeping his word, aka: empty promises
  6. Lack of respect and appreciation
  7. EXCUSES!!!
  8. Ignorance (circling back to #1)

If you love me, fucking show me!!!

(It’s taped at the head of my bed, so it’s there as the first and last thing every day)

Video

Sail On

Sail on down the line ’bout-a half-a mile or so
And-a don’t really wanna know-a where you’re goin’
Maybe once or twice, you see, time after time
I tried-a to, to hold on to what we got, but-a now you’re goin’
And I don’t mind about the things you’re gonna say, Lord
I gave all my money, and my time
I know it’s a shame, but I’m givin’ you back your name, yeah, yeah
Yes I’ll be on my way, I won’t be back to stay
I guess I’ll move along, I’m lookin’ for a good time

Sail on down the line, ain’t it funny how the time can go on-a
Friends say they told me so, but it doesn’t matter
It was plain to see that a small town boy like me
Just-a wasn’t your cup of tea
It was wishful thinkin’
I gave you my heart and I tried to make you happy
And you gave me nothin’ in return
You know, it ain’t so hard to say, “Would you please just go away,” yeah, yeah
I’ve thrown away the blues, I’m tired of bein’ used
I want everyone to know I’m lookin’ for a good time, good time

Sail on honey
Good times never felt so good
Sail on honey
Good times never felt so good
Sail on sugar
Good times never felt so good

Aside

Throwback Thursday: Comment

Oddly enough, I was rereading some “related posts” when I came across this one: Lost

For the most part, I have overcome that feeling in regards to [Loserman].

Don’t get me wrong, I still feel very lost very much of the time, but situations (car-related and not) keep popping up in life (as they tend to do) and I am handling them on my own, without his help and/or support. Sometimes I probably don’t handle them in the best of ways, but I get through it and then deal with the consequences regardless…

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