Aside

Throwback Thursday: Comment

Oddly enough, I was rereading some “related posts” when I came across this one: Lost

For the most part, I have overcome that feeling in regards to [Loserman].

Don’t get me wrong, I still feel very lost very much of the time, but situations (car-related and not) keep popping up in life (as they tend to do) and I am handling them on my own, without his help and/or support. Sometimes I probably don’t handle them in the best of ways, but I get through it and then deal with the consequences regardless…

Read more

Chat

Respect

Ugh…

Monday night I finally decided to talk to Alaska about his lack of respect for my time and money.

It started with, “Get me a beer.”

As I walked to the kitchen to get a new beer that *I* had paid for (since he drank the rest of my last 6-pack – that I paid for…), I grumbled, “You know, just a little appreciation and thanks goes a long way.”

“What’s that?” He asked.

I repeated myself.

Read more

Aside

On: Hating Myself

Last week Alaska and I were talking about general things and, I don’t remember how the subject of self-esteem came up, but it did.

I told Him that, every morning while I am doing my yoga, I repeat over and over to myself: “I am light, I am love, I am a gift.” (I have been doing this since mid-January.)

But, even though I repeat that mantra to myself day after day, I am still unable to feel love for myself.

I mean, I think I am a cool person, and I believe that I am indeed light and love and a gift and all that, but I still don’t love myself.

In fact, for all the good things that I allegedly am, I still pretty much hate myself.

Read more

Aside

I Hate Myself for Loving You

But I guess that’s kind of what love is, right?

Before my skate trip to Houston in February, I mentioned to Alaska that I might like for him to pick me up from the airport when I returned.

At that point, it had been 4 weeks since we’d seen each other and I was really starting to miss him. Even for my extracurricular escapades and the fact that we’d been communicating nearly every day, I missed the hell out of him and wanted to feel his gigantic chocolate body next to mine…

When he couldn’t make the effort to come and get me because he was showing houses to a client he already admitted to disliking immensely (AND after knowing about my trip for over a week), I composed my little note to him on the train/bus ride back to my apartment.

And later, when I texted him I’d made it home safe, he simply answered: masturbate for me now and send me the video

???

Just do I as I say

This made me even more upset with him, but I did as I was told…

Before I fell asleep, he did send me a “good girl” 😉

Read more

Chat

I *Am* a Babygirl

littles

For a pretty long time, I’ve been struggling to fit into a “role” – trying to figure out who I am; what I want, what I need, etc…

Until recently, I have always deceived myself in thinking that, for a female, I am very low maintenance.

When the truth is, just like any other person on this planet, I am anything but low maintenance.

I just haven’t been taking care of myself properly

And THAT needs to come, first and foremost.

Read more

Chat

50 shades of ???

I Refuse the Ordinary

It’s been quite a while now, but I devoured all three books in the series and I’m not ashamed to say so.

If it wasn’t for those books, I probably never would have realized who I am.

And that the perverted thoughts I’d been having since puberty weren’t totally bad!

All of the sudden there was a whole new world presented to me, with real life possibilities of the fantasies I’d been having.

Read more

Chat

Square One

…you know, if you say a word enough times, it no longer sounds like a word… it doesn’t even look like one really…

hypocrite

I am such a hypocrite.

When I am dating (aka: fucking) someone on the regular, somehow I feel it’s okay to get possessive/jealous and not want their dicks to be in any other women’s holes,

yet *I* still continue to “play the field”

Read more

Chat

My Catfish

I don’t even know where to begin with this one…

First, I guess I could start by unprotecting and re-sharing my last two posts about him:

When I wrote those posts, I had already driven to Colorado Springs to meet My Catfish, proving that he was NOT in fact a catfish, but a real live person with real live intentions.

During our nearly-6-months-long-chat leading up to said meeting, he shared with me some things about himself I thought I could be okay with. Most of them I was… But, when he told me he was overweight, I underestimated what he meant by “overweight”.

Read more