Status

A New Direction

Howdy, Strangers!! It’s been quite a while since I’ve had much to say.

My cars are both mostly alright.

My daughters are both totally fine.

Things are moving along with Alaska. Read more

Advertisements
Chat

Weekending with Dreamboat – Part 1

My weekend in Steamboat Springs with Dreamboat was pretty dang fun!

However, we didn’t talk about anything serious until Sunday afternoon, and then it was only a result of circumstance…

Friday was fairly uneventful. I took the city bus to the Greyhound station. All of my busses left on time.

It was a gorgeous 4-hour drive up into the mountains.

Read more

Aside

On: Hating Myself

Last week Alaska and I were talking about general things and, I don’t remember how the subject of self-esteem came up, but it did.

I told Him that, every morning while I am doing my yoga, I repeat over and over to myself: “I am light, I am love, I am a gift.” (I have been doing this since mid-January.)

But, even though I repeat that mantra to myself day after day, I am still unable to feel love for myself.

I mean, I think I am a cool person, and I believe that I am indeed light and love and a gift and all that, but I still don’t love myself.

In fact, for all the good things that I allegedly am, I still pretty much hate myself.

Read more

Chat

Dreamboat Returns

So… Here’s something interesting…

After a winter of basically silence (maybe one or two text exchanges a month since September), Dreamboat asked me to come visit him in Steamboat Springs.

Not really too big a problem… He did tell me that in winter he kind of hibernates and becomes anti-social. Also, I’ve had my own things going on, so I haven’t much noticed his absence.

And, if I really wanted to, I could have called at any time…

I accepted his invitation, purchased a Greyhound ticket and I am off to see him this weekend.

Read more

Chat

Square One

…you know, if you say a word enough times, it no longer sounds like a word… it doesn’t even look like one really…

hypocrite

I am such a hypocrite.

When I am dating (aka: fucking) someone on the regular, somehow I feel it’s okay to get possessive/jealous and not want their dicks to be in any other women’s holes,

yet *I* still continue to “play the field”

Read more

Conversations with a Catfish: Trapped

Conversations with a Catfish: Trapped

stuckinthepast

Good morning

I figured out my problem.

I feel trapped.

You have already claimed me and told me how it’s going to be for ever and ever for the rest of my life. I appear to have no choice in the matter whatsoever. However flattering that is, it’s terribly scary not to have a way out! At the very least, it would be nice if I felt like I was arriving at my forever-choices on my own. At this moment, I feel like those choices have already been made for me – by you, and that I am powerless in what I might actually want, whether it works out to be you or something else.

It seems like you are going “power through” until I feel how you want me to feel. That’s how it was with that crazy old guy who wrote those terrible (and true) things about me after I broke up with him. What if I never feel how you want me to feel? How do I get out?!?

I am helpless and defenseless with you, as I was with him, and that is very scary to me. He idealized me as something I am not – just as you are. And, I cannot stress this enough: I am NOT that angelic person you keep telling me I am, either. You deserve much, MUCH better.

I’m not turning you into that guy. The situation, circumstance and also how you are treating me – those things are turning you into that guy. Those things are scaring me away because it’s so much like it was with that guy.

Everything you promise me sounds perfect and wonderful and everything I’ve ever hoped for. I have learned that if something is too good to be true, then it is.

I am not sure if these are walls my heart has set up to protect itself or if it’s simply my common sense and experience telling me not to be so stupid and naïve ever again. I can’t let someone else have control of my future instead of myself.

Maybe you should find someone more pliable and controllable; someone who will go along with what you’re saying and not be so scared shitless and resistant.

These are my feelings as best as I can describe them to you.

Chat

Conversations with a Catfish #4

daddybabygirl

09/09/2016

What daddy would like is for us to grow together and communicate better to make each other stronger. Because the stronger daddy’s sub is, the stronger daddy is

You make it sound so nice and perfect…

Well, it will take work and nothing is perfect

I’m glad you said that. Thank you!

Daddy gets this feeling that she gets a little more in to daddy every time we talk?

You are correct. Every once in a while when we’re chatting, thinking of you gives me butterflies… I thought my butterflies had left me.

That’s why I want to meet and see if we have any chemistry Read more

Chat

Family Business

daughterissues
A really long time ago, when I was very, very young, I remember Saturday afternoon chats with my dad in the basement bathroom.

He was constantly working (both career-work and home-type-work) so that was one of the only times he ever seemed available to me.

Initially I think it caught him off guard when I wandered into his concrete sanctuary, but he humored me.

He humored me long enough that I remember our talks as a “habit” or custom.

Read more