Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

Freeing Myself

Perfection takes time

The love-bombing started right away

We started seeing each other near the end of October (4 years ago now…*sigh*)

Inviting me to holiday events with his family

Helping me to feel instantly important Read the rest of this entry »

5 Comments »

Beyond Broken

I have lost the ability to articulate

My stories

My feelings

I feel stuck

Broken

Shy

Withdrawn

Lost

Read the rest of this entry »

Leave a comment »

Cathartic Word Puke

I hope you are well.

Missing you at the moment because we spent so much sexy time together and I could use a little right now…. My weekends have been desolate now that you’re gone.

Anyway, I do not expect or hope that you will reply. This is purely an email I need to write for catharsis because my Daddy is gone and I don’t have someone to talk to…

I quit my “real” job… My last day was yesterday. It feels good because, as you may remember, I felt that they were bullying me. Well, it turns out that they got stuff done by being mean – not something I like. I am less scared than I thought which is surprising as everything scares me any more. And now I am finding that I need validation – someone to tell me I did the right thing…

Good night, Mr. Mentor. I am grateful to you for the tools that you have given me. Be well, warm and safe. I hope you’ve found someone who makes you happier than I ever could. Your happiness is important to me.

Sincerely,
Fish

Leave a comment »

Crazy Times

The last two years have been all over the place.

More bad than good, sadly.

You know, sometimes, no matter how positive you are (or try to be), life is just shit?

I moved across Denver a little over 2 years ago.

A week after that, my car was stolen. Presumably by an ex-boyfriend.

Last summer (2017) I finally lost my real estate accounting job with the crazy girl and the incompetent upper management.

Read the rest of this entry »

8 Comments »

Leaving Alaska (Finally!)

Mid-December I broke up with Alaska via video:

It lasted all of 2 weeks

I took him back because he agreed with what I said

And told me he would start trying harder

Read the rest of this entry »

6 Comments »

What Would “You” Do?

So…

If you were in a serous relationship with a guy for 16 months and just found out that he’s known he had another child since last Father’s Day, would it bother you? (she’s 14 – so he wasn’t cheating or anything)

If so, how would you handle it?

If not, why didn’t it bother you?

6 Comments »

A New Direction

Howdy, Strangers!! It’s been quite a while since I’ve had much to say.

My cars are both mostly alright.

My daughters are both totally fine.

Things are moving along with Alaska. Read the rest of this entry »

6 Comments »

Weekending with Dreamboat – Part 1

My weekend in Steamboat Springs with Dreamboat was pretty dang fun!

However, we didn’t talk about anything serious until Sunday afternoon, and then it was only a result of circumstance…

Friday was fairly uneventful. I took the city bus to the Greyhound station. All of my busses left on time.

It was a gorgeous 4-hour drive up into the mountains.

Read the rest of this entry »

1 Comment »

On: Hating Myself

Last week Alaska and I were talking about general things and, I don’t remember how the subject of self-esteem came up, but it did.

I told Him that, every morning while I am doing my yoga, I repeat over and over to myself: “I am light, I am love, I am a gift.” (I have been doing this since mid-January.)

But, even though I repeat that mantra to myself day after day, I am still unable to feel love for myself.

I mean, I think I am a cool person, and I believe that I am indeed light and love and a gift and all that, but I still don’t love myself.

In fact, for all the good things that I allegedly am, I still pretty much hate myself.

Read the rest of this entry »

11 Comments »

Dreamboat Returns

So… Here’s something interesting…

After a winter of basically silence (maybe one or two text exchanges a month since September), Dreamboat asked me to come visit him in Steamboat Springs.

Not really too big a problem… He did tell me that in winter he kind of hibernates and becomes anti-social. Also, I’ve had my own things going on, so I haven’t much noticed his absence.

And, if I really wanted to, I could have called at any time…

I accepted his invitation, purchased a Greyhound ticket and I am off to see him this weekend.

Read the rest of this entry »

5 Comments »