Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

The Return

Loverman (aka: Loserman) finally came back to me on July 3rd, 2021

I don’t know why… maybe because I finally gave up on Alaska (Meet: Alaska)… maybe because I was finally able to have gratitude for his part in my life… maybe because water is finally under the bridge…

Maybe it has nothing to do with me and he came to a point in his life he could finally accept my love…

No matter what, I am so grateful 😇

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Idiotic Ramblings of a Lost Soul

Interesting conundrum:

I need to love myself more and start believing that I am, in fact, relevant and worthy.

However, I also need to remember that the world doesn’t revolve around me and my heightened sense of self is irrational

How do I reconcile the two?

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Freeing Myself

Perfection takes time

The love-bombing started right away

We started seeing each other near the end of October (4 years ago now…*sigh*)

Inviting me to holiday events with his family

Helping me to feel instantly important Read the rest of this entry »

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Beyond Broken

I have lost the ability to articulate

My stories

My feelings

I feel stuck

Broken

Shy

Withdrawn

Lost

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Cathartic Word Puke

I hope you are well.

Missing you at the moment because we spent so much sexy time together and I could use a little right now…. My weekends have been desolate now that you’re gone.

Anyway, I do not expect or hope that you will reply. This is purely an email I need to write for catharsis because my Daddy is gone and I don’t have someone to talk to…

I quit my “real” job… My last day was yesterday. It feels good because, as you may remember, I felt that they were bullying me. Well, it turns out that they got stuff done by being mean – not something I like. I am less scared than I thought which is surprising as everything scares me any more. And now I am finding that I need validation – someone to tell me I did the right thing…

Good night, Mr. Mentor. I am grateful to you for the tools that you have given me. Be well, warm and safe. I hope you’ve found someone who makes you happier than I ever could. Your happiness is important to me.

Sincerely,
Fish

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Crazy Times

The last two years have been all over the place.

More bad than good, sadly.

You know, sometimes, no matter how positive you are (or try to be), life is just shit?

I moved across Denver a little over 2 years ago.

A week after that, my car was stolen. Presumably by an ex-boyfriend.

Last summer (2017) I finally lost my real estate accounting job with the crazy girl and the incompetent upper management.

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Leaving Alaska (Finally!)

Mid-December I broke up with Alaska via video:

It lasted all of 2 weeks

I took him back because he agreed with what I said

And told me he would start trying harder

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What Would “You” Do?

So…

If you were in a serous relationship with a guy for 16 months and just found out that he’s known he had another child since last Father’s Day, would it bother you? (she’s 14 – so he wasn’t cheating or anything)

If so, how would you handle it?

If not, why didn’t it bother you?

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A New Direction

Howdy, Strangers!! It’s been quite a while since I’ve had much to say.

My cars are both mostly alright.

My daughters are both totally fine.

Things are moving along with Alaska. Read the rest of this entry »

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Weekending with Dreamboat – Part 1

My weekend in Steamboat Springs with Dreamboat was pretty dang fun!

However, we didn’t talk about anything serious until Sunday afternoon, and then it was only a result of circumstance…

Friday was fairly uneventful. I took the city bus to the Greyhound station. All of my busses left on time.

It was a gorgeous 4-hour drive up into the mountains.

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