You Are So Wise!

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My Psychotic Break (Part 2)

To read Part 1, click HERE

After all that bullshit, we didn’t have another interaction for 6 days.

And it’s the 5th week of barely any contact…

On that Friday afternoon, he sent me a text. “You won’t believe it, but I hyperextended my knee playing basketball last night.”

He was right. I didn’t believe it…

“Oh, that’s terrible,” I answered.

There were a few more trite comments where I tried to be nice and pretend like I gave a shit.

Then our chat was over.

Forgive Yourself

My Psychotic Break (Part 1)

After I told all you folks that I was completely done with Alaska and never ever in a million years going to take him back,

I took him back.

I was so ashamed that I couldn’t write about it.

Just like all those other times before I stopped writing because of him.

Because I didn’t want to hear your objections.

Because you were right.

And at the end end of it all, I ultimately broke.

Bipolarity

I’ve been seeing a shrink

It started after I told Thing #1 I wanted to kill myself and asked if she wanted to come with

That was when I finally realized I was out of control

It’s been since high school, some 30 years ago that I’ve felt so self-destructive

My Stolen Self

I hate you for stealing me from myself

I am so broken that all I can see is the ugly in people

Taking advantage of those who are generous

Lying, cheating and stealing to get what they want

Or to hurt someone deeply

Intentionally

And I am becoming that person

I’ve lost my trust

My willingness to help

It’s so hard to be nice

To remember that everyone has a story I don’t know

My heart used to be eager

Innocent

But it’s dead now

Or maybe in a coma

I’m Over It

Kink isn’t my thing.

I tried it and I like it.

But I am unable to find a compatible partner.

And I’m sick of trying.

It hurts too much.

Trying Something New

So, I have mentioned a couple of times here that I am trying to build my own Network Marketing business

I even wrote a post asking my readers to check it out and let me know what they think of it

A few actually did

Now I am here again asking for your support in my new-ish endeavor

Last Isn’t Always the Best Color

I’m not good enough to be anything but last.

How do I know?

People keep showing me

Confusion Tears

I don’t know, can you even call them that?

Am I confused or lost? Are they the same?

Hmmmm… And there’s double meaning to it, too…

What did *you* think I meant when you read the title of my post?

I meant the crying kinda tear, but after I looked at it a second time, it could also mean the ripping kind of tear.

Maybe that explains why it hurts so much – are my eyes crying because my heart is torn?