To read Part 1, click HERE
After all that bullshit, we didn’t have another interaction for 6 days.
And it’s the 5th week of barely any contact…
On that Friday afternoon, he sent me a text. “You won’t believe it, but I hyperextended my knee playing basketball last night.”
He was right. I didn’t believe it…
“Oh, that’s terrible,” I answered.
There were a few more trite comments where I tried to be nice and pretend like I gave a shit.
Then our chat was over.
After I told all you folks that I was completely done with Alaska and never ever in a million years going to take him back,
I took him back.
I was so ashamed that I couldn’t write about it.
Just like all those other times before I stopped writing because of him.
Because I didn’t want to hear your objections.
Because you were right.
And at the end end of it all, I ultimately broke.
I’ve been seeing a shrink
It started after I told Thing #1 I wanted to kill myself and asked if she wanted to come with
That was when I finally realized I was out of control
It’s been since high school, some 30 years ago that I’ve felt so self-destructive
Kink isn’t my thing.
I tried it and I like it.
But I am unable to find a compatible partner.
And I’m sick of trying.
It hurts too much.
So, I have mentioned a couple of times here that I am trying to build my own Network Marketing business
I even wrote a post asking my readers to check it out and let me know what they think of it
A few actually did
Now I am here again asking for your support in my new-ish endeavor
I’m not good enough to be anything but last.
How do I know?
People keep showing me
Suicide has always been something my brain tosses about when I get frustrated, but I never really talked to anyone about it because:
Why should they even care?
Everyone has their own shit to deal with.
What can they do to help?
My drinking has gotten completely out of control.
I drink in the morning.
I drink in the evening.
The last two years have been all over the place.
More bad than good, sadly.
You know, sometimes, no matter how positive you are (or try to be), life is just shit?
I moved across Denver a little over 2 years ago.
A week after that, my car was stolen. Presumably by an ex-boyfriend.
Last summer (2017) I finally lost my real estate accounting job with the crazy girl and the incompetent upper management.
Reminders so I don’t take him back:
- Telling me my feelings are stupid when he doesn’t understand them
- His conceit and selfishness
- He’s a loud open-mouth chewer
- It’s always a struggle for his attention and time
- Not keeping his word, aka: empty promises
- Lack of respect and appreciation
- Ignorance (circling back to #1)
If you love me, fucking show me!!!
(It’s taped at the head of my bed, so it’s there as the first and last thing every day)