Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

Attention Whore

AttentionWhore

The thought just popped into my head randomly the other day and I wanted to jot something down about it.

Maybe something would come to me while I was writing.

Anyway…

I think I’m a bit of an attention whore.

It’s not like I go around creating ‘incidents’ or anything like that.

But I kind of do.

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I Miss Sex!

DearSex2

That is the short and simple answer to the question that I posed to myself last week

Why is Alaska’s absence driving me so batshit crazy!?!

Such a simple answer, really…

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To Swipe or Not To Swipe

I swiped right

He swiped right

It was a match!

This is what happened next (I’m green):

image

WTF?!?! Why would you even be playing on Tinder if you were going to be leaving town in a couple of hours?!

What an ass!

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…Then It’s Probably a Form Letter

I_Am_Mine

Well, so much for all that…

It turns out that the guy who contacted me through FetLife last week was a total horsefly (just like the other FetLife wanna-be’s: Rock Star and the other creep)

… so much of a horsefly that I completely deleted my FetLife account.

Fin.

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Published Author

One morning a while back, I was walking through the parking garage at work and was accosted by a woman (a stranger, might I add) who absolutely HAD to tell me that she was in the middle of publishing a book!

OMG!

Of poems, no less!!

OM*F*G!!

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Panty Bandit

This must be some kind of karmic come-up for my post about the panty smelling fetish guy…

Just a couple of weeks ago, I was seriously wondering how I had managed to collect so many panties.

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Bitch On Fire

I hate being fake

Pretending to like someone

Because

I’m scared to make her angry

Because

I’m afraid to lose my job

Because

There is no nice way

To tell her that she’s a bitch-on-fire

BitchOnFire

P.S. Crazy girl at work has to take a “Communication Skills for Women” class. Woo hoo!! Karmic retribution!!

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Fake

I’m surrounded by it!

Fake hair
Fake nails
Fake skin
Fake personalities…

And it’s all about money, money money!!!

Maybe if I had enough, I might be like all of them.

***OR***

I might choose to fucking share it or use it differently than on sheer vanity. But, I work with real estate agents, bankers and title companies. Apparently, to be employed or work in these fields, you must be 100% not real in any way at all.

It’s the status quo to drive a BMW or Audi or Range Rover or Mercedes and own your own, expensive home in a pretentiously glamorous neighborhood. I drive a piece of shit (no offense, Breezy), rusty, old 1997 Plymouth Breeze with almost 200,000 miles and I rent a fucking 2 -bedroom apartment with a loft.

  • I don’t wear makeup, pretty much ever. There will be a special occasion now and again, but it’s a pain in the ass to put on, it gets on my clothes and clogs my already-oil-saturated face pores.
  • My hair is very, very grey – I figure why the hell should I even try? It would cost thousand$ to continually cover up what is fighting naturally to be there!
  • I can’t remember the last time I paid full price for an item of clothing: thrift stores are where it’s at!

Johnny Id posted this picture Wednesday as I was writing this… It made me laugh so hard because it fit so well with my feelings 🙂 Thanks, J-Man ❤

from EvilMilk

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I Hate The Word “We”

It’s been a while since I’ve had a rant about work…

 The patronizing “we”

The patronizing we is used sometimes in place of “you” to address a second party, hinting a facetious assurance that the one asked is not alone in his situation, that “I am with you, we are in this together”. A doctor may ask a patient: And how are we feeling today? This usage is emotionally non-neutral and usually bears a condescending, ironic, praising, or some other flavor, depending on intonation: “Aren’t we looking cute?”.

The dictatorial “we”

The dictatorial we is … … … more commonly used in spousal conversations or relating to them. More often used by one person having or showing a tendency to tell people what to do in an autocratic way. Take for example the following portion of a conversation:
  • As soon as we get the rest of the brick work done (in progress) this is part of the plan…
This person is using the dictorial “we” and implying that the other will be doing the work and that they are currently behind and has more waiting afterwards. This form looks nicer and comes across as being less harsh. In spousal dialect this phrase could be loosely swapped out with the following:
  • As soon as {insert spouse name} gets off their lazy butt and finishes the brick work this is the next thing I will have them doing…”
From Wikipedia

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“I Can’t Decide”

I Can’t Decide
by the Scissor Sisters

super cute fan video!

and a fun song…

It’s not easy having yourself a good time
Greasing up those bets and betters
Watching out they don’t four-letter
Fuck and kiss you both at the same time
Smells-like something I’ve forgotten
Curled up died and now it’s rotten

I’m not a gangster tonight
Don’t want to be a bad guy
I’m just a loner baby
And now you’re gotten in my way

I can’t decide
Whether you should live or die
Oh, you’ll probably go to heaven
Please don’t hang your head and cry
No wonder why
My heart feels dead inside
It’s cold and hard and petrified
Lock the doors and close the blinds
We’re going for a ride

It’s a bitch convincing people to like you
If I stop now call me a quitter
If lies were cats you’d be a litter
Pleasing everyone isn’t like you
Dancing jigs until I’m crippled
Slug ten drinks I won’t get pickled

I’ve got to hand it to you
You’ve played by all the same rules
It takes the truth to fool me
And now you’ve made me angry

I can’t decide
Whether you should live or die
Oh, you’ll probably go to heaven
Please don’t hang your head and cry
No wonder why
My heart feels dead inside
It’s cold and hard and petrified
Lock the doors and close the blinds
We’re going for a ride

Oh I could throw you in the lake
Or feed you poisoned birthday cake
I wont deny I’m gonna miss you when you’re gone
Oh I could bury you alive
But you might crawl out with a knife
And kill me when I’m sleeping
That’s why

I can’t decide
Whether you should live or die
Oh, you’ll probably go to heaven
Please don’t hang your head and cry
No wonder why
My heart feels dead inside
It’s cold and hard and petrified
Lock the doors and close the blinds
We’re going for a ride

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