So, what happens is:

I spend my entire week (through thoughts of suicide and self-destruction) trying to build myself up and tell myself that I am amazing and smart and worth it – basically, trying to love myself…

(Trust me, it’s not easy fighting the thoughts that I am insane and shit. You *totally* don’t help me. Check it out):

Freeing Myself

The love-bombing started right away

We started seeing each other near the end of October (4 years ago now…*sigh*)

Inviting me to holiday events with his family

Helping me to feel instantly important

The “Return” of Mr. Nice Guy

To be honest, like Alaska, he’s never really gone. He just lurks on the sidelines waiting for the perfect moment to reach out and let me know he’s still around.

Let us rewind for a moment:

Mr. Nice Guy and I used to work together – almost 5 years…

For a hot minute, in 2016, I thought we were going to be a “thing”, but it never really worked out or clicked or whatever. We had a few dates, each a little worse than the last

(the first one should have been an omen OMG!)

Whatever it was lasted a year.

Sharing Is Caring

I’m back on Tinder again

It’s an on and off again relationship

Much like the one I had with Alaska

Anyway, here’s a rejection I’d like to share with you

This was after dude ignore me two times when I asked him if he wanted to go out…

“Omg! I don’t know how I missed that message.”

Twice.

Yeah, right.

 

Why I Stopped Writing

Shame is a powerful emotion

I dare say it’s as powerful an emotion as love

Both can be crippling

Another One Bites the Dust?

I wanted to like this guy, too.

I wanted to figure out a name for him and tell you about him here.

Maybe I was too hard on him. He seemed genuinely sorry.

I did keep his number…

Dear Butterfly Man

1. You can’t handle me, because
2. You have TWO *little* kids, who
3. Need you to be their Daddy, because
4. They don’t really have a Mommy

I actually need a Daddy, too. And there is NO WAY I would ever want to interfere with you being YOUR CHILDREN’S Daddy. That is more important to me than myself.

As cool as you are, I have no desire at my age to wait 10 more years to see if what we have *might* work.

And I do not like children. Mine are even questionable at times, and they are grown.

Period.

Sail On

Sail on down the line ’bout-a half-a mile or so
And-a don’t really wanna know-a where you’re goin’
Maybe once or twice, you see, time after time
I tried-a to, to hold on to what we got, but-a now you’re goin’
And I don’t mind about the things you’re gonna say, Lord
I gave all my money, and my time
I know it’s a shame, but I’m givin’ you back your name, yeah, yeah
Yes I’ll be on my way, I won’t be back to stay
I guess I’ll move along, I’m lookin’ for a good time

Sail on down the line, ain’t it funny how the time can go on-a
Friends say they told me so, but it doesn’t matter
It was plain to see that a small town boy like me
Just-a wasn’t your cup of tea
It was wishful thinkin’
I gave you my heart and I tried to make you happy
And you gave me nothin’ in return
You know, it ain’t so hard to say, “Would you please just go away,” yeah, yeah
I’ve thrown away the blues, I’m tired of bein’ used
I want everyone to know I’m lookin’ for a good time, good time

Sail on honey
Good times never felt so good
Sail on honey
Good times never felt so good
Sail on sugar
Good times never felt so good

Leaving Alaska (Finally!)

Mid-December I broke up with Alaska via video:

It lasted all of 2 weeks

I took him back because he agreed with what I said

And told me he would start trying harder

7 Ways to Tell You’re Just a Booty Call (and/or that Your S.O. has Probably Moved On)

1. He/She doesn’t show any interest in any of the things that interest you
2. He/She doesn’t buy you gifts “just because”, or for holidays, or ever…
3. He/She doesn’t take you anywhere and always says “No” when you ask them to do something with you (outside of the bedroom)
4. He/She stops inviting you over to his/her house
5. He/She forgets your birthday, even after being reminded it’s coming up
6. He/She only hears what he/she wants you to want, not what you actually want
7. He/She can only find 3-4 hours a week to spend time with you – sequestered alone in your bedroom, working at least 50% of the time and ‘letting’ you please him/her the rest of the time

Don’t find out the hard way 😦