Right now my ‘relationship’ isn’t going anywhere… Timeline-wise anyway…
And I am totally okay with that.
On the surface, I think that I am ready; I act like I am ready.
I want to be ready… I write about it here – how much I crave it…
Long-term relationship companionship…
Sometimes those three words are easy to say.
…to my daughters, my friends…
Other times, even thinking about their utterance is frightening.
I yearn to tell Alaska that I love him, but I don’t.
Is it fear of rejection?
I know he won’t reject me…
If he was going to reject me, it would have been long before now. Read more
Before dinner last Thursday evening, we were having a discussion on the power of positive thinking…
It’s true, there isn’t anything you want that you can’t have.
Yes there is.
There is? Tell me what you want that you can’t have.
You.
I’m right here, aren’t I?
Look what I found at a garage sale last weekend for $25!
Best. Find. Ever.
I don’t know about that. I’m pretty fucking awesome, too!
LOL! Indeed you are…
I was right.
It was fun 😉
Last Monday He called me “Baby”.
He’s never called me that before.
He usually calls me “Sweetheart”.
I think it just slipped out.
Which made it feel even better.
He kissed me good-bye, too.
It’s the little things.
You kinda smell like sex
Oh yeah?
Yeah. If anyone has their face all up in your business, they’ll definitely know I’ve been there!
Well, I don’t think that’s very likely.
(My turn) Oh yeah?
Yeah. I can be a tough pill to take sometimes.
Is that so…? 😉
A friend of mine said something to me last week that made me think (probably more than I should have):
“The first time in the BDSM life style can be a bit overwhelming and, if you really enjoy it, a person can fall fast and hard for their first partner if they are not careful.”
I remember how much I liked my first “boyfriend”…
How enamored I was with the man I gave my virginity to…
Firsts are special.
Since our little ‘disagreement‘ a couple of weeks ago, I haven’t had much to say to Alaska.
He has called to check up on me a few times and my interaction with him has been minimal at best.
Also, I have been trying to stay busy so it’s easier to say, “No” to him when he wants to ‘hang out’.
It’s difficult to share pieces of myself and be vulnerable when I don’t feel I’m being appreciated.
Thank you for today. I can still feel you inside me.
Mmmmm. Good.
I like carrying you around with me and feeling your cum squish out of my pussy…
Yeah. I like leaving my nut in you. Next time I’m going to make you squeeze a fresh load out of your pussy and spoon feed it to you.
Mmmm… I’ll pretend it’s ice cream – the chocolate kind.
Mmmm hmmm…
I decided to step outside my ‘box’ and try something a little different for a change. It is too comfortable in my little closed-off world and I need to start “BECOMING”.
Becoming what, I don’t have a clue, but I have been hating myself for long enough for no good reason.
So, this past Wednesday night, I attended a local monthly Submissive Group.
