After I told all you folks that I was completely done with Alaska and never ever in a million years going to take him back,
I took him back.
I was so ashamed that I couldn’t write about it.
Just like all those other times before I stopped writing because of him.
Because I didn’t want to hear your objections.
Because you were right.
And at the end end of it all, I ultimately broke.
Kink isn’t my thing.
I tried it and I like it.
But I am unable to find a compatible partner.
And I’m sick of trying.
It hurts too much.
Reminders so I don’t take him back:
If you love me, fucking show me!!!
(It’s taped at the head of my bed, so it’s there as the first and last thing every day)
Sail on down the line ’bout-a half-a mile or so
And-a don’t really wanna know-a where you’re goin’
Maybe once or twice, you see, time after time
I tried-a to, to hold on to what we got, but-a now you’re goin’
And I don’t mind about the things you’re gonna say, Lord
I gave all my money, and my time
I know it’s a shame, but I’m givin’ you back your name, yeah, yeah
Yes I’ll be on my way, I won’t be back to stay
I guess I’ll move along, I’m lookin’ for a good time
Sail on down the line, ain’t it funny how the time can go on-a
Friends say they told me so, but it doesn’t matter
It was plain to see that a small town boy like me
Just-a wasn’t your cup of tea
It was wishful thinkin’
I gave you my heart and I tried to make you happy
And you gave me nothin’ in return
You know, it ain’t so hard to say, “Would you please just go away,” yeah, yeah
I’ve thrown away the blues, I’m tired of bein’ used
I want everyone to know I’m lookin’ for a good time, good time
Sail on honey
Good times never felt so good
Sail on honey
Good times never felt so good
Sail on sugar
Good times never felt so good
Mid-December I broke up with Alaska via video:
It lasted all of 2 weeks
I took him back because he agreed with what I said
And told me he would start trying harder
Right now my ‘relationship’ isn’t going anywhere… Timeline-wise anyway…
And I am totally okay with that.
On the surface, I think that I am ready; I act like I am ready.
I want to be ready… I write about it here – how much I crave it…
Long-term relationship companionship…
Sometimes those three words are easy to say.
…to my daughters, my friends…
Other times, even thinking about their utterance is frightening.
I yearn to tell Alaska that I love him, but I don’t.
Is it fear of rejection?
I know he won’t reject me…
If he was going to reject me, it would have been long before now. Read more
Before dinner last Thursday evening, we were having a discussion on the power of positive thinking…
It’s true, there isn’t anything you want that you can’t have.
Yes there is.
There is? Tell me what you want that you can’t have.
You.
I’m right here, aren’t I?
Look what I found at a garage sale last weekend for $25!
Best. Find. Ever.
I don’t know about that. I’m pretty fucking awesome, too!
LOL! Indeed you are…
I was right.
It was fun 😉
Last Monday He called me “Baby”.
He’s never called me that before.
He usually calls me “Sweetheart”.
I think it just slipped out.
Which made it feel even better.
He kissed me good-bye, too.
It’s the little things.
