Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

Loneliness

It’s Christmas.

You’re the only thing that I miss.

There’s no reason; I never meant anything to you; you never got me a gift.

Holidays were just a time for you to ignore me. Read the rest of this entry »

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What She Wants

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Freeing Myself

Perfection takes time

The love-bombing started right away

We started seeing each other near the end of October (4 years ago now…*sigh*)

Inviting me to holiday events with his family

Helping me to feel instantly important Read the rest of this entry »

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Why I Stopped Writing

Shame is a powerful emotion

I dare say it’s as powerful an emotion as love

Both can be crippling

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The Uncommonly Common Narcissist

My theory:

Narcissists are becoming more and more common because –

…..day care….

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My Psychotic Break (Part 1)

After I told all you folks that I was completely done with Alaska and never ever in a million years going to take him back,

I took him back.

I was so ashamed that I couldn’t write about it.

Just like all those other times before I stopped writing because of him.

Because I didn’t want to hear your objections.

Because you were right.

And at the end end of it all, I ultimately broke.

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I’m Over It

Kink isn’t my thing.

I tried it and I like it.

But I am unable to find a compatible partner.

And I’m sick of trying.

It hurts too much.

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Show Me

Reminders so I don’t take him back:

  1. Telling me my feelings are stupid when he doesn’t understand them
  2. His conceit and selfishness
  3. He’s a loud open-mouth chewer
  4. It’s always a struggle for his attention and time
  5. Not keeping his word, aka: empty promises
  6. Lack of respect and appreciation
  7. EXCUSES!!!
  8. Ignorance (circling back to #1)

If you love me, fucking show me!!!

(It’s taped at the head of my bed, so it’s there as the first and last thing every day)

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Sail On

Sail on down the line ’bout-a half-a mile or so
And-a don’t really wanna know-a where you’re goin’
Maybe once or twice, you see, time after time
I tried-a to, to hold on to what we got, but-a now you’re goin’
And I don’t mind about the things you’re gonna say, Lord
I gave all my money, and my time
I know it’s a shame, but I’m givin’ you back your name, yeah, yeah
Yes I’ll be on my way, I won’t be back to stay
I guess I’ll move along, I’m lookin’ for a good time

Sail on down the line, ain’t it funny how the time can go on-a
Friends say they told me so, but it doesn’t matter
It was plain to see that a small town boy like me
Just-a wasn’t your cup of tea
It was wishful thinkin’
I gave you my heart and I tried to make you happy
And you gave me nothin’ in return
You know, it ain’t so hard to say, “Would you please just go away,” yeah, yeah
I’ve thrown away the blues, I’m tired of bein’ used
I want everyone to know I’m lookin’ for a good time, good time

Sail on honey
Good times never felt so good
Sail on honey
Good times never felt so good
Sail on sugar
Good times never felt so good

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Leaving Alaska (Finally!)

Mid-December I broke up with Alaska via video:

It lasted all of 2 weeks

I took him back because he agreed with what I said

And told me he would start trying harder

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