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Suicidal Tendencies

 

Suicide has always been something my brain tosses about when I get frustrated, but I never really talked to anyone about it because:

Why should they even care?

Everyone has their own shit to deal with.

What can they do to help?

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Crazy Times

The last two years have been all over the place.

More bad than good, sadly.

You know, sometimes, no matter how positive you are (or try to be), life is just shit?

I moved across Denver a little over 2 years ago.

A week after that, my car was stolen. Presumably by an ex-boyfriend.

Last summer (2017) I finally lost my real estate accounting job with the crazy girl and the incompetent upper management.

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Aside

On: Hating Myself

Last week Alaska and I were talking about general things and, I don’t remember how the subject of self-esteem came up, but it did.

I told Him that, every morning while I am doing my yoga, I repeat over and over to myself: “I am light, I am love, I am a gift.” (I have been doing this since mid-January.)

But, even though I repeat that mantra to myself day after day, I am still unable to feel love for myself.

I mean, I think I am a cool person, and I believe that I am indeed light and love and a gift and all that, but I still don’t love myself.

In fact, for all the good things that I allegedly am, I still pretty much hate myself.

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Aside

Sex Lies

(I drafted this some time last summer with the intent of filling in all the dot-dot-dots, but I think I like it better this way… 😉 )

Sex can be deceitful

If you have sex too early…

If you have sex too late…

If you only have sex…

If you never have sex…

Sexual energy builds tension but it also adds tension…

Yet the intimacy of it is vital

To feel the touch of another…

To combine with another soul…

It replenishes one’s self…

Chat

Too Much Power

Since last September, I’ve been spending a lot of time inside my head. It was a tough time to recover from: Mick’s verbal harassment, moving, having my car stolen…

Shit! Just a move by itself is enough to send a person’s life into topsy-turvies…

I ended up dragging a couple of very special people into my drama, then seemingly dropped off the planet. There’s no excuse for that. I was simply a scared kitten.

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