Last week Alaska and I were talking about general things and, I don’t remember how the subject of self-esteem came up, but it did.
I told Him that, every morning while I am doing my yoga, I repeat over and over to myself: “I am light, I am love, I am a gift.” (I have been doing this since mid-January.)
But, even though I repeat that mantra to myself day after day, I am still unable to feel love for myself.
I mean, I think I am a cool person, and I believe that I am indeed light and love and a gift and all that, but I still don’t love myself.
In fact, for all the good things that I
allegedly am, I still pretty much hate myself.
(I drafted this some time last summer with the intent of filling in all the dot-dot-dots, but I think I like it better this way… 😉 )
Sex can be deceitful
If you have sex too early…
If you have sex too late…
If you only have sex…
If you never have sex…
Sexual energy builds tension but it also adds tension…
Yet the intimacy of it is vital
To feel the touch of another…
To combine with another soul…
It replenishes one’s self…
I know the idiom is: don’t put the cart in front of the horse.
The last few times I said it, I messed it up and instead said put the cart in front of the bus.
In my case, the latter seems more apropos.
I think I’ll keep it.
Since last September, I’ve been spending a lot of time inside my head. It was a tough time to recover from: Mick’s verbal harassment, moving, having my car stolen…
Shit! Just a move by itself is enough to send a person’s life into topsy-turvies…
I ended up dragging a couple of very special people into my drama, then seemingly dropped off the planet. There’s no excuse for that. I was simply a scared kitten.
Wynonna Judd and the Big Noise
Wiggle your butt a little!!
Happy Hump Day 😀
And my favorite:
I’ve been remiss with my “therapy” and it’s been showing in my everyday life.
As my writing has dropped off, so have my spirits.
To be honest, I stopped writing because I was feeling stupid for the choices I was making and I no longer wanted to share them here for fear of being judged.
Because I am judging myself.
It’s already been 5 months and I am still trying *not* to hate myself for the choices I made with Jim/Mick.
…still trying to convince myself that the terrible things he wrote about me are not true.