Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

Monday Motivation: Hugs


Need I say more?


I Hate The Word “We”

It’s been a while since I’ve had a rant about work…

 The patronizing “we”

The patronizing we is used sometimes in place of “you” to address a second party, hinting a facetious assurance that the one asked is not alone in his situation, that “I am with you, we are in this together”. A doctor may ask a patient: And how are we feeling today? This usage is emotionally non-neutral and usually bears a condescending, ironic, praising, or some other flavor, depending on intonation: “Aren’t we looking cute?”.

The dictatorial “we”

The dictatorial we is … … … more commonly used in spousal conversations or relating to them. More often used by one person having or showing a tendency to tell people what to do in an autocratic way. Take for example the following portion of a conversation:
  • As soon as we get the rest of the brick work done (in progress) this is part of the plan…
This person is using the dictorial “we” and implying that the other will be doing the work and that they are currently behind and has more waiting afterwards. This form looks nicer and comes across as being less harsh. In spousal dialect this phrase could be loosely swapped out with the following:
  • As soon as {insert spouse name} gets off their lazy butt and finishes the brick work this is the next thing I will have them doing…”
From Wikipedia

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I’ve decided that asshole is too nice of a word to be used in a negative way.

I mean, in reality, assholes are a good thing. Stinky sometimes, yes, but assholes are inherently good.

Douches and douchebags and douche nozzles, too: more good things that are used to convey negativity.

Horseflies, on the other hand, are absolutely annoying and utterly painful.

Therefore, I think that bad, BAD things/people/whatever should be called horseflies from here on out.

horse flies by cappydarn on DeviantArt

horse flies by cappydarn on DeviantArt


…on love



Word of the Day: Gaslighting (revisited)


Do you know what it is?

Wikipedia says:

Gaslighting or gas-lighting[1] is a form of mental abuse in which false information is presented with the intent of making a victim doubt her or his own memory, perception, and sanity.[2] Instances may range simply from the denial by an abuser that previous abusive incidents ever occurred, up to the staging of bizarre events by the abuser with the intention of disorienting the victim.
The term owes its origin to the play Gas Light and its film adaptations, after which it was coined popularly. Now the term even is used in clinical and research literature.

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…or perhaps they *should* be…

A week ago Tuesday, two days after I got back from my visit to Houston, I had a job interview.

I was kind of excited about it because it would be working for a very large, very successful company with benefits that I do not have at my current position.

Conversely, the afternoon before, for extraneous reasons, I was seriously thinking about cancelling. But, rather than discourage myself further, I just decided that I was going to do it, or rather that I HAD to do it.

TC was excited for me. He took time out of his hectic morning to encourage me. It felt lovely! I was even going to post the conversation here, but my Verizon account is messing up right now and I can’t take screen pics of my texts *sigh*

I thought the interview went very well.

Once I finished up with the Departmental portion of the interview, they told me they would be calling me for a second interview so I could meet with the rest of the team.

After that I met briefly with the gentleman from Human Resources who had initially contacted me.

He explained that someone would contact me by Friday, August 7th either way: interested or not.

No one called…


Word of the Day: Novaturient

TC sent me this last week…





I fucking hate that word!

It scares the shit out of me!

It scares me so much that I almost deleted my previous “Word of the Day” post about it.

Quite a while ago.

Because I’m pretty sure that limerence had me firm in it’s grasp.

It scares me because it means I might not feel the way about TC that I think I do.

It scares me even more that TC might not feel, about me, the way he thinks he does!

It makes me doubt my self and my heart. Which, honestly, to this date, have not been very reliable counsel anyway…

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Word of the Day: Compassion


Excerpts taken from Compassion is Unreasonable on Om Swami

(I recommend clicking the link above and reading the entire article. It’s not much longer, and better, than the little I have reposted here.)

…Compassion is in fact an unreasonable emotion. It is not really based on any reasoning. For, mind is the seat of reasoning whereas it is heart for the compassion. As a behavior, compassion may well be supported by some reason, but as an emotion, a feeling, it is neither supported nor triggered by any reason. Behavior can be deceptive but feelings, because they live inside you, cannot be artificial. They are what they are.

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Word of the Day: Love

I promised this last Monday, but I had other things to say this week, so it kind of got put to the side. When I was looking for definitions and descriptions of limerence I found this article by the same doctor.

In Search of Love by blackjack0919 on DeviantArt

In Search of Love
by blackjack0919 on DeviantArt

The Definition of Love

By: Dr. J. Richard Cookerly

Want to know what love is?

Here’s a short, comprehensive, working definition of love concerning every type of healthy real love from a parent’s love of a child to love of a pet, of nature, of a cause, etc.,  and including both romantic and healthy self love.

“Healthy Real Love is
A powerful, vital, natural process of
highly valuing, desiring for,
often acting for, and taking pleasure in
the well-being of the loved. “


High Valuing  – hold in high esteem, see as of much merit, prize, treasure, cherish, respect, appreciate, affirm the worth of, admire, assess as important, hold precious, see as fine, excellent, matchless, superior, uniquely fitting, incomparable, special. Healthy real love consistently highly values the loved.

Powerful – strong, vigorous, mighty, indomitable, potent, forceful, influential, effectual, energy-filled, dynamic, ascendant, prevailing. Healthy real love is amazingly powerful.

Vital – important to life, necessary to life process and function, alive, viable, of paramount importance to continued existence, thriving, having to do with the life force and its cardinal process, a biological, neuro-chemical, psycho-neuro-physiological phenomenon. Healthy real love is a great, vital force for healthy life.

Natural – of nature, part of essential existence, inherently of fundamental reality, intrinsically part of the cosmos, especially essential to the processes of nature and natural existence, in life a biological, neuro-chemical, psycho-socio-neuro-physiological phenomenon. We are naturally constructed to thrive via love.

Process – an active succession of systematic, changing operations with a developing progressive, onward organized flow. Healthy real love is a growth process.

Desiring for the Well-Being of the Loved – wishing and wanting for the loved to live well, be well, do well, be happy and thrive; and when not so doing wanting the loved to return to well-being.

Acting for the Well-Being of the Loved — behaving often or whenever possible to nurture, protect, assist, support, affirm, heal, cause improvement and otherwise promote the well-being of the loved.

Taking pleasure in the Well-Being of the Loved – experiencing joy, happiness and many other positive emotions when the loved is perceived as doing well, thriving, succeeding, growing, healthfully happy and ascendant; this often involves pleasure sharing with the loved.

Well-Being – a state of thriving, championed by those who love healthfully; the absence of a loved one’s well-being is threatening to those who love and the absence is a consistent motivation to assist, when needed or useful, the continuance of well-being.

Whenever there is healthy real love the above will be present.  Various types of unhealthy false or pseudo-love will lack one or more of the above elements; although faking can make this hard to discern usually the factor of time will unmask unhealthy false or pseudo-love.

Happy Friday!