Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

Off the Deep End

Desperate2

I am very disappointed in myself for re-engaging with Mick. I should have let his little tantrum be the end of us.

*sigh* But that isn’t the choice I made and I’m now reaping the consequences = excuses, excuses, excuses…

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That Was Quite a Bomb Yesterday

Previous post here

NeuroticPsychotic

Yeah, I knew exactly what he meant when he said that shit.

But I feigned naïveté because (maybe?) I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt… I don’t know. At this point I think I’m just a glutton for punishment and incredibly silly for not ending all communication with him.

Bomb1
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The Last Word, Part 2

The title of these posts are ironic in more than one way…

Catch Part 1 here

being-ignored

After the bullshit of Friday night, things went back to “normal” with Mick for the rest of the weekend. Back and forth nothing comments about what we were each doing. He sent a couple of pictures of the hotel and downtown Cincinnati.

But again on Monday, he started in with the “wish you were here’s” and “somedays”. Each time he uses those words, my side drops off completely. I prefer not to engage with him when he starts talking about imaginary things.

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Reality Check

Love_Hurt

Just when I think things could actually work out with Mick, The Universe slaps me in the face with more reality.

Last week, he almost didn’t have enough cash for our Thursday night “hook-up”. Not a big deal.

Except for the fact that he wants to be my “Daddy” and take care of me and treat me “as I’ve never known”

He sold some rims and tires on Craig’s List and we were back in business…

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Daddy

ScaredKitten

Late Wednesday evening last week, Mick said something in an email that set me off. I don’t even know what it was that got me.

Maybe I was looking for an excuse to be angry with him or pick a fight… I don’t honestly know… Any enlightenment you can offer on the subject will be welcomed.

Hi baby doll,

I am so looking forward to tomorrow night. As always. Whether I am wailing on you or stroking you or just talking, I really like to be with you.

There are so many things that I want to know about you. I am not sure if you are ready to tell me yet. I know you are trying to not get too attached. I get that. There are things about me that I am not sure you want to know either. I have been having some random thoughts today and wanted to write some of them down. Your question at lunch yesterday was interesting how you posed it. [I asked if he was going to be able to keep up with me.] I am concerned about the age difference because it is more than I have been apart from anyone I have been with. I have not exactly been easy on my body through the years and I am concerned that I may not be able to keep you happy in a few years. Not just sexually, but in all aspects. I know that you have already made some “sacrifice” to be with me now. I don’t want you to have to keep making them for me. I want to make you happy for many, many years. I am pretty sure you are deserving of that. I am starting to think of my own mortality and don’t want people to sacrifice for me. I have lived most of my life believing that I need to sacrifice for others to try and repay for my past. I am in somewhat of a quandary and don’t know what to do. Let’s talk about this soon. Doesn’t have to be tomorrow. Just know that this is on my mind a lot, just as I think about how you make me feel is on my mind a lot.

Hope you had a good skate tonight. I want to come watch you sometime, but not sure if I should. I am doing my best to respect your position of not getting too attached.

Just kind of rambling now. Sleep well my sweet kitten and I will see you in dreamland. Read the rest of this entry »

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6 Months

She Wants

It’s been a little over a week since Mick had his flashback.

We have since spent another Thursday night, Friday evening and Sunday afternoon together – with and without kink and completely without incident.

Other than the two posts (Sharing Space and Mind and About Last Night), I haven’t written about it because my emotions have been pretty scrambled.

Thursday night was special to me because Mick accidentally let me see a part of his inner self. But after that, *he* was having issues with letting his guard down too much with me and *I* was having issues with liking him too much.

Spending Friday night with Alaska was supposed to help put some distance between Mick and me. Instead, it put more distance between Alaska and me (which is what needed to happen anyway).

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