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Going Somewhere?

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Right now my ‘relationship’ isn’t going anywhere… Timeline-wise anyway…

And I am totally okay with that.

On the surface, I think that I am ready; I act like I am ready.

I want to be ready… I write about it here – how much I crave it…

Long-term relationship companionship…

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Saying “I Love You”

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Sometimes those three words are easy to say.

…to my daughters, my friends…

Other times, even thinking about their utterance is frightening.

I yearn to tell Alaska that I love him, but I don’t.

Is it fear of rejection?

I know he won’t reject me…

If he was going to reject me, it would have been long before now. Read more

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On: Making an Effort

Since our little ‘disagreement‘ a couple of weeks ago, I haven’t had much to say to Alaska.

He has called to check up on me a few times and my interaction with him has been minimal at best.

Also, I have been trying to stay busy so it’s easier to say, “No” to him when he wants to ‘hang out’.

It’s difficult to share pieces of myself and be vulnerable when I don’t feel I’m being appreciated.

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Sub Group

I decided to step outside my ‘box’ and try something a little different for a change. It is too comfortable in my little closed-off world and I need to start “BECOMING”.

Becoming what, I don’t have a clue, but I have been hating myself for long enough for no good reason.

THAT SHIT NEEDS TO CHANGE AND THE ONLY PERSON TO CHANGE ME IS ME!

So, this past Wednesday night, I attended a local monthly Submissive Group.

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Respect

Ugh…

Monday night I finally decided to talk to Alaska about his lack of respect for my time and money.

It started with, “Get me a beer.”

As I walked to the kitchen to get a new beer that *I* had paid for (since he drank the rest of my last 6-pack – that I paid for…), I grumbled, “You know, just a little appreciation and thanks goes a long way.”

“What’s that?” He asked.

I repeated myself.

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