To read Part 1, click HERE
After all that bullshit, we didn’t have another interaction for 6 days.
And it’s the 5th week of barely any contact…
On that Friday afternoon, he sent me a text. “You won’t believe it, but I hyperextended my knee playing basketball last night.”
He was right. I didn’t believe it…
“Oh, that’s terrible,” I answered.
There were a few more trite comments where I tried to be nice and pretend like I gave a shit.
Then our chat was over.
He’s gone. I shouldn’t be so sad anymore.
But I am.
He’s gone. I should feel relief instead of loneliness.
But I don’t.
He’s gone. I need reach out to others for support.
But I can’t.
He’s gone. I still hate myself for being so stupid.
But I’m not.
He’s gone. So, why am I still broken?
Because he never refilled my cup.
After drinking so selfishly from it…
After I told all you folks that I was completely done with Alaska and never ever in a million years going to take him back,
I took him back.
I was so ashamed that I couldn’t write about it.
Just like all those other times before I stopped writing because of him.
Because I didn’t want to hear your objections.
Because you were right.
And at the end end of it all, I ultimately broke.
Kink isn’t my thing.
I tried it and I like it.
But I am unable to find a compatible partner.
And I’m sick of trying.
It hurts too much.
The last two years have been all over the place.
More bad than good, sadly.
You know, sometimes, no matter how positive you are (or try to be), life is just shit?
I moved across Denver a little over 2 years ago.
A week after that, my car was stolen. Presumably by an ex-boyfriend.
Last summer (2017) I finally lost my real estate accounting job with the crazy girl and the incompetent upper management.
Mid-December I broke up with Alaska via video:
It lasted all of 2 weeks
I took him back because he agreed with what I said
And told me he would start trying harder
Howdy, Strangers!! It’s been quite a while since I’ve had much to say.
My cars are both mostly alright.
My daughters are both totally fine.
Things are moving along with Alaska. Read more
About a week ago, Alaska asked me to drive him to a client’s upcoming new home (or however you want to say it. I’m not a Realtor® and I don’t technically care about the technicality of it 😉 )…
… because the new home buyers wanted to take some measurements for some stuff they were moving in and other stuff they wanted to buy, yadda. yadda…
The thing about it was, we had already made a different type of plan to spend time together.
Have lunch, watch some cool stuff on the computer…
Other stuff… (I really like the other stuff!)
Right now my ‘relationship’ isn’t going anywhere… Timeline-wise anyway…
And I am totally okay with that.
On the surface, I think that I am ready; I act like I am ready.
I want to be ready… I write about it here – how much I crave it…
Long-term relationship companionship…
Sometimes those three words are easy to say.
…to my daughters, my friends…
Other times, even thinking about their utterance is frightening.
I yearn to tell Alaska that I love him, but I don’t.
Is it fear of rejection?
I know he won’t reject me…
If he was going to reject me, it would have been long before now. Read more