About a week ago, Alaska asked me to drive him to a client’s upcoming new home (or however you want to say it. I’m not a Realtor® and I don’t technically care about the technicality of it 😉 )…
… because the new home buyers wanted to take some measurements for some stuff they were moving in and other stuff they wanted to buy, yadda. yadda…
The thing about it was, we had already made a different type of plan to spend time together.
Have lunch, watch some cool stuff on the computer…
Other stuff… (I really like the other stuff!)
Right now my ‘relationship’ isn’t going anywhere… Timeline-wise anyway…
And I am totally okay with that.
On the surface, I think that I am ready; I act like I am ready.
I want to be ready… I write about it here – how much I crave it…
Long-term relationship companionship…
Sometimes those three words are easy to say.
…to my daughters, my friends…
Other times, even thinking about their utterance is frightening.
I yearn to tell Alaska that I love him, but I don’t.
Is it fear of rejection?
I know he won’t reject me…
If he was going to reject me, it would have been long before now. Read more
Before dinner last Thursday evening, we were having a discussion on the power of positive thinking…
It’s true, there isn’t anything you want that you can’t have.
Yes there is.
There is? Tell me what you want that you can’t have.
I’m right here, aren’t I?
Look what I found at a garage sale last weekend for $25!
Best. Find. Ever.
I don’t know about that. I’m pretty fucking awesome, too!
LOL! Indeed you are…
I was right.
It was fun 😉
Last Monday He called me “Baby”.
He’s never called me that before.
He usually calls me “Sweetheart”.
I think it just slipped out.
Which made it feel even better.
He kissed me good-bye, too.
It’s the little things.
You kinda smell like sex
Yeah. If anyone has their face all up in your business, they’ll definitely know I’ve been there!
Well, I don’t think that’s very likely.
(My turn) Oh yeah?
Yeah. I can be a tough pill to take sometimes.
Is that so…? 😉
Since our little ‘disagreement‘ a couple of weeks ago, I haven’t had much to say to Alaska.
He has called to check up on me a few times and my interaction with him has been minimal at best.
Also, I have been trying to stay busy so it’s easier to say, “No” to him when he wants to ‘hang out’.
It’s difficult to share pieces of myself and be vulnerable when I don’t feel I’m being appreciated.
Since Alaska pretty much shunned me last Monday, I’ve had little-to-nothing to say to him.
In all honesty, I am disgusted.
Disgusted with him.
Disgusted with myself.
DIS – GUS – TED
I decided to step outside my ‘box’ and try something a little different for a change. It is too comfortable in my little closed-off world and I need to start “BECOMING”.
Becoming what, I don’t have a clue, but I have been hating myself for long enough for no good reason.
THAT SHIT NEEDS TO CHANGE AND THE ONLY PERSON TO CHANGE ME IS ME!
So, this past Wednesday night, I attended a local monthly Submissive Group.