Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

Suicidal Ideation

“A person with suicidal ideation may not ask for help. However, that does not mean help is not needed or wanted. Many people who die by suicide do not actually wish for death – they only want the pain to go away. Prevention of suicide begins with recognizing  the warning signs of suicidal behaviors and taking action.”¹

I need help…

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Embrace Your Flaws

Your flaws make you unique and special.

Embrace them like you would embrace an old friend.

Xoxo 😘

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“Smoke”

Smoke

by CES CRU featuring Liz Suwandi

[Intro: Liz Suwandi]
Take off your blind fold
Tell me what you see
Interchanging doors
Not a corridor or screen
Your naked eye
Trapped inside a dream
Unveil your disguise
Because nothing’s what it seems

[Hook x2: Liz Suwandi]
You can tell me what you want
You can tell me what you need
But love is in the smoke
And we can’t even breathe
And I can not see you
And You can not see me
But love is in the smoke
And we can’t even breathe

[Verse 1: UBI]
You take everything you want, you take what you need
And me shattered into pieces is what you leave
It don’t matter what they see, no it just can’t be
Now our love is in the smoke, and I just can’t breathe
You got me gaspin’
I know when it will happen
Zappin’ all my energy, its sexual harassment
You see I’ll never be the same, now that we got close
Now my passion is for pain and I breathe hot smoke
Your love is like a drug, I wanna taste it
So slip it in my blood, I’m gonna take it
Addicted to your buzz, I’m wishin’ that you was mine
Sittin in your sunshine so amazin’
I’m baskin’ in the light
Light castin’ through the haze
Maybe we were meant to be
Maybe not, who could say
Now I look for you again
But I still can’t see
Cuz our love is in the smoke
Baby we can’t breathe

[Hook]

[Verse 2: Godemis]
I smell the smoke in the room
The room is’a buzzin’
She told me that the roof was on fire
I knew it wasn’t
Now the spot is heatin’ up
Gettin’ hotter under the collar
Let this motherfucker burn, shit
We don’t need any water
We can teeter and totter
But you don’t need to be coddled
I’m headed down this road alone
I don’t want you to follow
I’m sittin’ in the sun alone
Posted up in strangeland
Sippin’ KC teas, bumpin’ Kelvin rock and Raybans
Bitches think it’s all about the pussy and a spray tan
To each it’s own, if that completes your cypher, fuck it amen
It’s hot as hell out here
Maybe degrees over
She feels like she got burns
Maybe she needs closure
It feels like the pilot light is out in this bitch
I’m still in the kitchen, like really this is as hot as it gets?
I’m starin’ through the smoke, tryin’ to catch a last vision of her
The smoke’s rollin’ upward while the flame’s bein’ smothered

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Simple vs. Complicated

FINE

As my emotions start to clear out of my head a bit, I am less confused on some things and more on others: less about TC and more about me.

Actually, TC is quite simple here. He’s not even being mean about it. He’s just being himself and I can’t fault him for that. He’s vulnerable with me in the ways he’s comfortable being vulnerable with me when he feels comfortable. It’s only confusing to me because he can be so open, but then he becomes so closed off. It’s like a switch is flipped, turning things inside of him on and off in an instant. I am not really defending him as much as stating a fact.

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A Whole Different Person

alone

Right now I am on my second visit to TC.

I have total mixed feelings about it. Sometimes I am totally excited and then, other times…

I don’t know, you tell me –

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Monday Motivation: Discover Yourself

yourself

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Speechless and Senseless

Speechless…

I hate how there are tons of things I want to write to you; about you.

But when I start to put the thoughts to words, the ideas just seem stupid. Read the rest of this entry »

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Sk8cation: The Rest of Saturday

Read about Friday here

After our wonderfully awkward morning together, Scorpio needed to take a shower (ya think!?). But it wasn’t only because of his little phone sex episode in the bed earlier, it was also the fact that he has to be as germ-free as possible at all times and he had just spent and entire night sleeping across a king-sized bed from my filthy ass. (Can you feel the sarcasm oozing here?) We were going to a free picnic in the park that afternoon and he needed to look his best.

To be honest, I don’t remember what I did while he was taking forever to get ready. It didn’t bug me for the first half of the vacation, but he just takes so long to do everything. I was probably out on the deck again getting high. That’s probably why I don’t remember.

Anyway… The picnic was pretty freaking awesome!!

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Home

The longer we’re together

The harder it is to be apart

home

Home
by Gabrielle Aplin

I’m a phoenix in the water
A fish that’s learned to fly
And I’ve always been a daughter
But feathers are meant for the sky
And so I’m wishing, wishing further,
For the excitement to arrive
It’s just I’d rather be causing the chaos
Than laying at the sharp end of this knife

With every small disaster
I’ll let the waters still
Take me away to some place real

‘Cause they say home is where your heart is set in stone
Is where you go when you’re alone
Is where you go to rest your bones
It’s not just where you lay your head
It’s not just where you make your bed
As long as we’re together, does it matter where we go?
Home home home home

So when I’m ready to be bolder,
And my cuts have healed with time
Comfort will rest on my shoulder
And I’ll bury my future behind
I’ll always keep you with me
You’ll be always on my mind
But there’s a shining in the shadows
I’ll never know unless I try

With every small disaster
I’ll let the waters still
Take me away to some place real

‘Cause they say home is where your heart is set in stone
Is where you go when you’re alone
Is where you go to rest your bones
It’s not just where you lay your head
It’s not just where you make your bed
As long as we’re together, does it matter where we go?
Home home home home home home home home

‘Cause they say home is where your heart is set in stone
Is where you go when you’re alone
Is where you go to rest your bones
It’s not just where you lay your head
It’s not just where you make your bed
As long as we’re together, does it matter where we go?
Home home home home home home home home

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