My Infinity Ring

My Infinity Ring

I don’t wear a wedding ring, but I do wear a ring on that finger.

(Doom-n-Gloom had a friend make us ‘temporaries’ when we got married and was going to get me one when we could afford it. The ‘temporaries’ wore out and I still don’t have a ring 21 years later. I didn’t even get an anniversary gift this year, but he got a bottle of scotch *sigh*)

Last year I gave it to myself for Christmas. It was on sale and, when I saw it, it made me think of how much I have done for myself over the past few years.

How I am always there for me. What I have been able to do for me.

I got it to signify my eternal love and steadfastness to my own self.

There are very few times I am not wearing it. I even wore it on my coffee date with Mr. X.

I’m sure that everyone else who sees it sees a wedding ring, but I don’t care.

I know why I wear it and that’s all that matters to me.

 

Advertisements
It’s The Thought That Counts

It’s The Thought That Counts

Marijuana-Leaf

You may already have deduced this, but I am a chronic weed smoker. Been that way for over 20 years. Kids know, parents don’t.

I smoke it to calm my anxiety. It’s like my Xanax. It has been that way my entire adult life. I also have a seizure disorder, so I smoke to avoid some of that bullshit. Seizures suck — for me and all the people around when it happens (and I totally hate the way prescription seizure meds make me feel. Been there. Done that).

I live in Colorado, where it’s now 100% legal for 21+ and has been medically legal since before I moved here 7.5 years ago.

I have a Caregiver who grows some of the most mind-blowing buds you will ever smoke. She is totally awesome. Not only is she my medical-marijuana Caregiver, she’s like the mom I always wish mine was. Once a month I go over to her house and pick up my “prescription” and we have a mini-therapy session. I love that woman!

It’s very likely that the amount of pot I smoke in a day would fuck most of you up for the better part of a week. Every once in a while, I skip a few days and let the THC and Cannabanoid levels in my body lower, but not very often. It’s very rare you will find me without marijuana on my person in some form.

I love the feeling of serenity and inner peace that I feel when I am high. It also helps me to focus my scattering thoughts on just one thing. And, unlike alcohol, it does not lower my inhibitions. I’m just sane(r).

There are times when you can tell that I am stoned and there are times when you would never, ever suspect. I have been high for so long that my coping mechanism, in this aspect, is quite impressive.

Anyway… The point of my telling you all of this is so I could tell you a very short and sweet story-within-a-story.

Last Thursday night was an amazing date night for me with Loverman. I tried something new and acted a little differently on the advice of a new friend.

When we left each other Friday morning, Loverman said to me, “There’s something for you in your truck. But don’t look for it, it will ruin the surprise! Let me tell you about it later today.”

OMG! How cute, right? So, I said, with a twinkle in my eye, “Okay, baby. I will try not to look, but if I find it on accident don’t be mad.”

“Mamacita!” (he calls me that all the time) “You better not. I want it to be a surprise. You would never find it on accident.”

I did what I was told and I didn’t look for it (much) and I definitely didn’t find anything.

At 4:45PM I received the following text:

Your surprise is in the driver’s door. It’s a small baggie. This guy didn’t want to go into work with it so he gave it to me to throw away.

I honestly think my face actually lit up! It’s bit deviant, but how totally sweet! At his security job he confiscated someone’s bag of weed and then he saved it for me!

When I got home I checked the door where he said and found a tiny bag of shake. I suspected that it was going to be pretty bad stuff but I really didn’t care because he thought of me!

I responded:

You’re so sweet! Sometimes you amaze the hell out of me. I love my surprise!

Because I did. Super-bad-ditch-weed or not.

You know why it’s even more of a surprise? Because Loverman has been trying to get me to stop smoking pot since he met me.

While we were on our sk8venture last November, we got into a pretty big disagreement (for us. We hardly ever disagree. 6 years and 3 ‘fights’) and I was wound tight as a spring. As we finished up our heated discussion in his truck and got ready to go into the hotel, I told him I needed to smoke up to calm down and I asked if he wanted to join me. He said, “No, babe, but you are more than welcome. Just don’t stay out here too long” then he went inside.

When I got back to the room he was lying in bed watching something on TV and I asked if I could get into bed with him. I was relaxed and apologized for the crazy-me from earlier and we made up…

I should have just told him I needed to get high earlier and I think we could have avoided an entire night of stress, but he didn’t want me to be doing drugs so I was trying not to.

I think that’s when he started to understand more about why I smoke it and just accept the fact that I do. Frequently when I am with him I am high, but I have never smoked in front of him.

It turned out to be super-bad-ditch-weed. LOL! But I don’t give a shit.

Because it really is the thought that counts.

Two Good Things

Two Good Things

There’s actually a lot more, but I am only going to write about two of them right here and now.

#1 –

sparkpeople

sparkpeople.com is cool as hell!! I just found it last week and I have been using it to track my exercise and meals. It’s a little time consuming, but not bad. I am hoping it’s worth it. There are fitness articles and videos and support groups… I haven’t dug in very deep, I really just wanted it for the calorie tracking. All in all, I eat fairly healthy, my problem is on the weekends. Now that football season is over and I’m not eating Cheetos all day on Sunday, maybe that will help 😉

This weekend is going to be my first actual challenge to myself in a long time. I am going to try to avoid all junk (processed) food at all costs. I have a recipe for a microwave mug brownie, but I will only eat that in an extreme chocolate ’emergency’ 😉 It will be difficult because I have skating tomorrow (Saturday) night and then a skating b-day party Sunday afternoon with some of my “skate family”. I am going to be HUN-GRY!!! I will make sure that I have plenty of protein and fiber to keep me satisfied.

FYI – sparkpeople has helped me learn that ONE HOUR roller skating/blading burns almost 700 calories! That’s INSANE!!! I usually skate for at least 90 minutes, but most times it’s 2 hours! I would think with that kind of exercise, I should be able to eat whatever the fuck I want! Right?!?

#2 –

Yesterday while I was driving home, I realized that Loverman’s birthday next week will mark the end of our 5th year together (plus a month or two, but we don’t technically even have an anniversary), and last night at skating it was like they knew exactly what I was thinking and played the song “Anniversary” by Tony Toni Tone.

While we were skating together, all close and snuggly-tight, I said to him, “You know, I realized something today on my way home from work. It’s kind of our anniversary, too. Did you know that next week will be the 5 birthday of yours that we have been together.”

His answer was silly, “So you say…” and then he nuzzled in closer to me and kissed my neck. I wish you could see how we skate together. Everyone says it’s like we’re one person. So smooth… It feels that way, too.

In our “skate family”, Loverman and I are a couple. No one knows any different. No one knows we are married to other people. For as long as they have known us, we have been together, and we’re a couple. We skate like a couple, we act like a couple, we talk like a couple (and other stuff, too. Pretty much because we are a couple)… About a year ago one of them asked how long Loverman and I have been married — I think I blushed, but my response was simply, “We’re not married to each other, but we’ve been happily together for about 4 years.”

So… While we were skating together, to that slow and sexy couples-skate song, one of our friends skated past and teased, “Get a room!” and then winked at us. I can’t remember what Loverman’s response was. It was something like, “I’m barely even touching her!” The reply was short and sweet, “It’s the thought that counts.”

Happy Friday, everyone!!! Have a great weekend! May the good things in life find their way to you, too!

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”
– Lao Tzu

The Lovers by Ada Cartianu
The Lovers
by Ada Cartianu

 

Another 19 Years

Another 19 Years

It’s another 19-year milestone! YAY!! (not!)

It’s not one that I am happy about or proud of, but this past Monday marked the beginning of my 20th year of spending eternity with The Husband (previously referred to as: Mr. Doom-n-Gloom). It was even more awkward because I had the day off from work in observance of Veteran’s Day…

It was the anniversary of our 19th year together and do you know what we did to celebrate? Not a fucking thing!
Do you know where we went? No fucking where.
Not really a surprise, though. Neither one of us are really “into” this “marriage-thing” any more (and like I have stated before: I don’t think The Husband ever was).

I made him caramel rolls from scratch for breakfast and I was the one who cooked the family dinner that day. Normally he is the one who makes dinner… I cleaned up the kitchen and then tried to stay away from his stupid, pouty ass for the afternoon (in case this was going to be “one of those days” that seem to come more and more frequently). I didn’t buy him anything or get him something physical — he’s so difficult to shop for now that we have lost touch with each other completely. Every once in a while I can find something that’s really “up his alley”, but usually those things are very expensive and I would rather drop that kind of money on my daughters — so I make him things that he doesn’t get to have regularly.

He bought me a coffee mug with 3 packets of Chai Tea and a Christmas Cactus. He gave them to me last Saturday morning. The tea was good, the mug was cute, the plant was okay — but he always gets me plants off the sale rack, then they die (is that a sign?).

I feel like I am downplaying his gifts and uplifting mine (I probably am — but this is MY blog, right?) but I liked what he gave me (except maybe for the plant that will die soon ;)). It was inexpensive and a little bit thoughtful. I am thankful.

I said “Happy Anniversary” twice (once when he got home from work in the morning and once when he woke up and I gave him his caramel rolls). He didn’t say it at all.

NOT ONCE did we come into physical contact with each other.

I guess that I can be happy with the fact that I have stayed married to this stinky, lazy, incompetent, immature, emotionally-vacant, inconsiderate, self-centered son of a bitch for 20 mother-fucking years! That’s a long-ass time to stay with a husband who won’t fuck you more than once every 12 months, or so! (it’s been almost 3 years this time, but that’s because I stopped caring about it or trying to get him to want me)

Go, Me!

Related Posts: