Chat

What to say…

Image result for egyptian steampunk costumes

Last week Dreamboat PM’d me on Facebook to invite me to a costume party.

It’s an Egyptian Steampunk Costume Party.

Sounds fun, right?

As you may or may not know, I am not a social events type of girl – especially if I don’t know anyone there and I don’t arrive at the choice to go there on my own.

That latter bit is something I just learned about myself. Maybe it seems dumb that I didn’t see that before now, but I am stubborn. If I feel any pressure at all to do something I don’t want to do, I then want to do it even less.

Recently I have been forcing myself to get out and do those different things, but they are events and environments and times of my choosing. That way I can feel a little more in control of the situation…  and I can leave whenever I want.

Read more

Advertisements
I Should Have Sent the Original (aka The ‘Conversation’ We Had Instead)

I Should Have Sent the Original (aka The ‘Conversation’ We Had Instead)

I think what you read about “ritual” is somewhat valid. The reason that I spent so much time on your neck yesterday was to reestablish your place. I am not sure that it needs to be at a particular time or place during our play. Last week was very different in that I gave you a break from the pain in so far as whipping or the bondage since you nearly freaked out the week before. You were more lover than sub, just to remind you that I am fair and not just here to torture you. If you are not of sound mind and body you are not much “good” to me. I have no desire for you to fear me. Your submission comes from respect. I welcome your suggestions on how I might win your submission more readily.

The pattern of what we do during play time is mostly the same. The difference is the positions and toys or tools. Here is the part where I don’t agree with “ritual”. If you get the same thing every time, then you expect it. I don’t think you should be able to anticipate what I will have in store for you next. You are supposed to be here for my pleasure. That should mean whatever I wish to do as well as whenever I wish to do it.

And as far as your libido, I will take care of that for you. Your imagination doesn’t have to be great either. It is my place to stimulate you and find new ways to take charge of your orgasms. Whether it be bring you to the edge of orgasm and deny it, or to give you more than you think you are capable of. I can take you to the point of mere mention of my touch will make you creamy, or a simple touch will make you shudder uncontrollably. Then, Daddy’s girl will know who she belongs to.

The response I probably should have sent is HERE

Read more

Who Knew?!?…

Who Knew?!?…

Woo hoo! I’ve been doing this for years!

The Pros and Cons of Mixing Marijuana and Yoga

Yogi fans and recreational pot-users weigh in with sage advice.

Purple-Yoga-Mat-Marijuana-Leaf-LEAD

Admit it — with all this wellness and legalization on the rise, combining these two recreations has crossed your clever mind. So let’s just get it out there on the table like the healthy communicators we are.

What are the benefits of extra-zen, cannabis-aided yoga?! What are the potential downsides of bending backwards while high…?

We’ve got those answers for you, and more, thanks to one future-yoga-studio-owner who asked the question and prompted quite the discussion. Here’s what people — who’ve paired the activities before — had to say.

Pros:

  • Can increase focus and enrich meditation
  • Can allow for a greater feeling of connectedness with others
  • Can enhance body awareness
  • “Marijuana can often enhance your ability to focus on one thing, and with well trained and compassionate teachers that make sure the students aren’t pushing themselves and are within their limits I think a wonderful balance can be struck.”
  • It is an amazing experience that helps open my mind and body to learning. I feel relaxed, more willing to challenge myself, more connected to my yogi community in class, and the meditation/visualization exercises are extremely enjoyable.”
  • I used to enjoy a few hits and then attend a restorative class called “Sunday Sanctuary” and it was like heaven. Very relaxing and I found I was MUCH more aware of my body and breathing.”

Cons:

  • Can cause anxiety (aka: paranoia)
  • Can lead to over-stretching
  • Can make it logistically difficult to drive to and from the studio…

I personally find that marijuana interferes with meditation, which is the main part of my practice personally, but some Shavite sects still ritually use it. Sadhus, which are renunciate yogis, regularly use it.”

I tend to pull something if I’m not totally paying attention, were I high I know I’d fuck myself up even more.”

Some people experience high levels of anxiety during their first time being high. I’d imagine the meditative components of yoga would ameliorate most newbies” anxiety, but not all. Just something to think about.”

I used to combine the two, but I came to realize that when high, I was not as mindful as I could be (I was more absent-minded than undistracted and focused) and a few times, I actually pushed myself into a bad place for my joints because I was not mindful.”

For those still interested in grabbing their best bud and trying out the hybrid activity, here are some words from the wise:

Caveats of doing yoga high:

  1. Use a vaporizer instead of a pipe “Can be used inside without leaving a haze, and easier on the lungs for a breath-oriented practice like yoga.”
  2. If you go to a class make sure your teacher’s not high (LMAO – good one!!) “I think good teachers could make sure the students are safe regardless of sobriety. I wouldn”t condone the teachers being high.”
  3. Be experienced in both pot and yoga before you try it “Since it numbs pain, I”m conscious of being too high and pushing stretches too hard. It might end up causing damage. I would only suggest it for experienced pot smokers who also practice yoga.”
  4. Consider trying it with restorative yoga “While I probably wouldn”t participate in any kind of power yoga or ashtanga after dabbling with weed, I do love some nice hatha, light vinyasa, and ESPECIALLY restorative!!!”
Word of the Day: Limerence

Word of the Day: Limerence

I can’t get this out of my head. Thank you, Woman Invisible and Exit 4A.

Image result for limerence

I don’t know how I feel about this word. It’s a nice word and all, don’t get me wrong. I love new and big words. It just makes me uncomfortable. Maybe because of its ambiguity or how closely it hits home…

Either way, it brings up a lot of questions.

Doesn’t everyone have an obsessive need to have their feelings reciprocated?

Doesn’t everyone feel limerence for their significant other at some point/s over and over again in their lives?

Can long-term limerence ever evolve into actual love?

Am I just grasping at straws now because I am feeling so lost?

How can you tell if you’re actually in love with a person? Or, is it just limerence?

Was limerence the feeling I was having when I married Doom-n-Gloom or was it always just rebellion against my parents?

Is Loverman simply my current limerent interest? Most likely. Right?

If so, that fact hurts me more deeply than words can express. If it’s true, then I am not sure I can actually love a man per se.

It would seem that I go around telling myself that I love someone when I really don’t.

HOLY CRAP! How do I go about not feeling this way as I establish future relationships?

I found this article by Dr. Richard Cookerly, relational psychotherapist. I don’t know if it helped do much more than bring up an infinite amount of questions and self-doubt within myself.

Here’s an excerpt. I liked this entire section, but I find the paragraph at the end to be most heartbreaking enlightening:

Having at least seven of these symptoms is sufficient to qualify for being seen as probably in limerence and not really in a true, healthy love state.

  1. Experiencing intrusive, interruptive, obsessive thinking about the supposed loved one mixed with, but not limited to, romantic and passionate desire interfering with practical living, clear appropriate thinking and functioning
    I *am* having an affair with him, right?
  2. Having acute longing for another’s reciprocal feelings of desire and focus of attention to the point of disrupting sleep and effecting appetite
    Guilty. Ummm… I’m just guilty on this one…
  3. Having a strong emotional dependency on another’s reciprocating positive regard, sexual desire and approval with frequent over-interpretation and mis-interpretation of another’s perceived relationship related words and actions, and severe feelings of rejection and agitation when experiencing anything undesired occurring in the relationship
    Doesn’t EVERYONE get agitated and experience negative feelings when a loved one rejects them or undesired occurrences happen in the relationship? Doesn’t everyone seek approval and validation?
  4. The inability to be strongly interested in, attracted to, or love-involved with anyone but the person one is limerently focused on resulting in neglectful treatment of children, family, friends and sometimes self
    I don’t know. I’ve never really had a lot of friends – usually just one or two very close ones. I can’t stand my family so I have always avoided them, and I try not to neglect my children.
  5. Unreasonably strong fear of rejection, sometimes at a nearly incapacitating level in the early stage of a limerent attachment, sometimes accompanied with uncharacteristic shyness, awkwardness and fear of doing something which will ruin the developing limerent relationship
    This fear is 100% me. I am always afraid that saying the wrong thing will mess everything up, but I don’t just feel that way about my relationship with Loverman — I feel that way whenever I have a problem/argument with anyone
  6. Anxiety about losing another briefly, relieved with intense fantasy of romantic and sexual union with that person
    Don’t we all fantasize about things that make us happy? Especially when we’re UNhappy?!
  7. Intensification of romantic connecting desires and efforts when meeting adversity or opposition to the relationship
    Aren’t strong and good relationships SUPPOSED to get stronger in times of adversity? And my waxing and waning feelings for Loverman have nothing to do with other peoples’ opinions.
  8. Actively over-interpreting another’s perceived positive responses and characteristics with strong down-playing of that same person’s more ordinary and negative actions, traits, characteristics, words, etc.
    First off, I am a woman. We overthink things. That being said, everybody is different, right? Some actions of friends might effect us more strongly than others. Perception is relative.
  9. Physical pain in the center of the chest, shallow breathing and physical nervousness with a sense of dread when any small, medium or large insecurity or uncertainty about the relationship occurs
    I used to feel this all the time when I was a kid. There would be a huge black hole of dread in my chest whenever I thought I disappointed someone: Parent, Teacher, Minister, God. This isn’t something only related to Loverman.
  10. When small, positive input from the person one is limerent about occurs an over-reaction of ebullience, sense of buoyant ‘walking on air’ and exhilaration results during the early stages of the relationship
    Aren’t compliments supposed to make a person happy? No matter who they are from? No matter how big or small?
  11. A general lessening of acting responsibly or fairly to others, decreased carrying out of obligations, duties, etc. and a decrease of attending to goal achievement with a distinct decrease in functioning with necessary awareness of others beside the person of limerent focus
    It would seem that my BLOG is a limerent focus of mine! LOL!
  12. A tendency to interpret the supposed loved one’s negative actions as somehow positive or give them excuses, acceptance and even high approval, and an avoidance or denial of perceiving their destructive and dysfunctional actions
    I hurt when Loverman hurts me. I do not make excuses to justify him.
  13. High, unrealistic adoration at first, later fading and disappearing
    My feelings for Loverman now are stronger than they were in the beginning. But, in the beginning, I did adore him unrealistically. Ultimately, I guess you can still call it unrealistic because we are both married to other people
  14. Intensive pleasure when together, and intensive anxiety when separated or when the supposed loved one is around possible competitors, later fading to indifference and even annoyance
    We still have intensive pleasure when we’re together, even after 6 years. People change and relationships evolve – sometimes together sometimes apart. So far, my relationship with Loverman is still teaching me things and making me happy. There may be a point in the future where Loverman and I change differently and drift apart. I am anxious for that day 😦
  15. ‘Tunnel vision’ focusing on the supposed loved one and little else, plus blindness to all else of importance, later turning into a blindness to the supposed loved one’s developmental growth, changes and new ways of being themselves
    Guilty 100% – I have to stop giving him money blindly and there are probably other things, too. But I nurture emotional growth in him and he continues to perpetuate emotional growth in me.

People sometimes ask why does limerence exist?  The thinking goes something like this.  Mother nature invented or evolved limerence so that two people will become strongly bonded together, for two to four years, which is just enough time to get a child started in life.  Then their feelings for each other will fade or turn off, so that they will end their relationship and go looking for others to temporarily mate with and, therefore, mix the gene pool.  This is one of mother nature’s ways of ensuring genetic variety and improvement of the species, along with contributing ultimately to the survival of our species.  It is thought that most limerent people start to ‘fall out of love’ when after two to four years they either don’t have a child or a child has been born and is on the way to growing up.  Of course, this automatic shutdown of strong, positive feelings for the supposed loved spouse or mate often brings about great emotional, relational, familial and social disruption.  This is especially true in a society that has made little or no allowances for this kind of relationship phenomenon.

(Return to top)

As you can see in my blue text answers, I will admit that I have almost all of these symptoms. And you can also see that I posed a lot of questions excuses.

It has caused a lot of introspecting and has totally thrown my idea of love completely out the window.

Am I even capable of love or am I destined to spend my life “falling in limerence” with every man who shows a decent amount of interest in me?

I feel so much more broken now than I did before.

Before I thought I was looking for something. Now I feel like I am destined to have these temporary, empty relationships.

And it’s instinctive?

I feel adrift in this knowledge…

limerence

Stay tuned for next week’s Word of the Day: Love.

Disconnected

Disconnected

Tell me please?

How to make the hurting stop?

Or just to numb a little?

It’s really so much easier to have a few drinks and fall asleep

The time will pass faster that way

And with less pain

I told him my heart hurts from missing him so much

It didn’t work

I still haven’t seen him
I still won’t get to see him

It’s like my heart is tied to his and it’s really a fairly long string, but
When the string gets too tight, it snaps
And I can’t feel him inside of me any more
I feel naked
Vulnerable
Lonely
Empty
Disconnected