Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

Rock Star Returns. Kind of…

Back in January, I was contacted by a young man on FetLife.

I named him Rock Star.

He was 26.

(Read the entire story [here])

Short version:

We agreed to meet one night at a rather busy bar, had a couple of drinks and got along very well.

So well that we had a “practice run” in the front seat of my “new” car (at the time), Lil Bear.

Then, the following weekend, during a legitimate hookup at a local Motel 6, he professed his undying love for some other woman he had never met…

jerk-store

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15 Ways…

15ways

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Us

I_BARE_SKIN

Today, right before the ass-crack of dawn, I will finally be on my way to TC for the weekend!!!

My flight leaves at 5:45 and arrives in Houston at 9:05. I have all day Friday and all day Saturday! The sad part is, my return flight leaves at 1:55 PM Sunday, which means that I really should be to the airport by noon. Especially since I am not familiar with it (LOL! I am so poorly traveled!).

I can have some anxiety in crowds/situations when I am not familiar with the environment or I don’t have “someone comfortable” with me. It’s something that I am working on because I know it’s a huge weakness of mine, but thinking about it can get overwhelming. I have to keep reminding myself that it is NEVER as bad as I think it’s going to be. And, the airport has literally thousands of people who can help.

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Finally

Last week I started the process of filing for a divorce.

I told Doom-n-Gloom on Sunday morning.

Broken Marriage Egg

I woke up at 6:30 and my plan was to make my breakfast and get some cleaning done in the kitchen before he woke up. Then, I would give *him* some time to wake up and eat and have his coffee. Once I knew he was fully awake, I was going to sit down and talk to him.

It didn’t work out that way at all — even though I was very quiet while I was working, he woke up on his own. After using the bathroom, Doom-n-Gloom walked into the kitchen and stood behind me quietly (he does that a lot with me and Thing #1 — creepily standing a couple feet behind us and not saying a word until we do, then he grunts and walks away). I rinsed off a plate in the sink and said, “Good morning” and (as I thought) he responded with a grunt.

Without turning around to look at him, I said, “After you’ve had a chance to wake up and have your coffee and eat and stuff, I need to talk to you about something important.”

“Why don’t you just tell me now?” was his response.

I took a deep breath and told him that he was probably going to want to sit down.

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Warm-Fuzzies?!? Is That What We’re Calling It Now?

I try so hard to get along with this crazy-ass bitch that I work with — I will call her bitchy girl. She’s downright steamy one minute and bitter cold with a hint of frost the next. One day she wants to hug me on the way out the door and the next day she won’t even tell me she’s leaving (or if she does, there is some backhanded comment to go along with it about how “sorry” she is to have bothered me)… Ugh! This girl has me at my wits’ end because she takes everything personally — even if a person is agreeing with what she said to begin with (or they’re just answering her question, like what happened to me yesterday).

Bitchy girl said, “I need your help writing this letter because the woman I am writing it to isn’t a very warm and fuzzy kind of girl and sometimes I think that I am a little too warm and fuzzy. I don’t want to come off too strong because I know that sometimes it can be overwhelming. You know how some personalities are compatible and some are not?” (Now that I look back at it, I swear it was a set-up!)

Yelling

Stupid me. I agreed. I said, ‘Yeah, I know how different personalities can clash at times. Sometimes too many warm-fuzzies can be especially off-putting when they’re coming from a stranger or someone you don’t know so well.”

She turned and glared at me. Then asked, “What the fuck do you mean by that!?”

Me: “Ummmm… I was just answering your question about clashing personalities?!?” (I wanted to add: “Like ours are right now… Boy, can I feel the warm-fuzzies just oozing out of your pores! ” But I didn’t!)

Bitchy girl: “So you think I’m a total bitch then? Thanks. Now I know how you really feel about me!”

I am not sure what my face looked like, but I’m sure it was something along the lines of horrifically appalled!

At this point I knew that there was nothing I could say to her in response (I have two teenage daughters, I completely recognize irrationality — see here). But, after a moment’s thought, I did say, “I am just in your office because you asked me for my help. You asked me a question and I responded. I apologize if you didn’t like the response. It wasn’t personal. I was just agreeing that sometimes personalities DO clash and it’s very difficult to know how to respond to (handle) overly-loving (over-emotional) people (*like you*). I am going to go back to my office now and when you’re ready for my help just give me a call and we’ll try again.” Then I left her office to get something I left on the printer and return to my office.

While I was standing in the printer room, I could hear bitchy girl mumbling something (at me or not, I don’t know/care. I didn’t hear the words and I wasn’t going to justify her crazy-ass-bitch ranting with a response). As I stepped out of the copy room to go back to my office she said, loudly and directed at me this time, “I’m sorry I’m too warm and fuzzy for you. I will try and work that out so it doesn’t bother you so much. Sorry I wasted so much of your valuable time.” (My boss’s office is just around the corner and she heard the whole thing — it happens that way every time! She’s sick of walking on eggshells around BF, too. If my boss wasn’t so cool and understanding, this girl would have been fired last October!)

It’s getting to the point where I am going to start printing my stuff to the printer on the opposite side of the office just so I don’t have to deal with her pathetic, attention-seeking antics and her mumbly, back-handed comments. I don’t come to work to be psychologically abused and emotionally tossed about; if I wanted that I would just hang around Thing #2 more 😉. Last week I actually sent my resume out to a couple of job prospects because I am getting sick of this walking bi-polar disorder attempting to impersonate a professional, mentally-competent co-worker/employee.

I refuse to play the “last word” game with her. I’ve even told her that before — no matter what evil shit she says to me when I’m walking away, I am NOT going to turn around and justify her insanity. If she wants to say something totally fucked up to me, I will just leave those hurtful (hateful) words hang in the air. No one needs to respond to that shit. It just starts an evil hate cycle of doom and we have to work together every day. So, no matter how mean she is to me, I will continue to (endeavor to) be the mature one. Not to mention that we are AT FUCKING WORK!!!! Can we say professionalism!?!?

One day she got angry with me because she wanted to fight (she picked one) and, every time she tried to start it up, all I would do was walk away saying, “I think we should wait and talk about this later after things have cooled off.” At one point, she followed me into my office, closed the door behind her and started ranting at me about my disrespectful behavior — totally disregarding the fact that she practically chased me into my office so she could attack me behind my closed door. I was cornered so, as a matter of course, I raised my voice at her and told her that I was not in a position to have this conversation right now and we needed to wait for tempers to cool. “Stop yelling at me!” was her response. She then stormed out of my office stating, “I can’t deal with this crap. I’m going home.” She slammed her own office door and stay locked in there for 2.5 hours!

Maybe later she will come into my office and apologize for being overly sensitive and saying such mean things, but she was hurt and angry <blah, blah, blah, more meaningless words, etc…>. I will (feign to) forgive her (again!!) but, the truth is, I am sick of her. I am sick of having to justify everything I say (even after I thought very carefully about how the words would sound) because she took it too personally (when I wasn’t even talking about her!!!!). I dread walking by her office every day for fear of the veiled questions (how does one respond without getting one’s head bitten off?!?!). Thank goodness I don’t need to ask her for help.

One thing that I have always maintained with my children is:

An apology denotes regret. If you regret doing something, why would you turn around and do it again? What’s the point of the apology?

I don’t want to hear bitchy girl apologize to me again for the same fucking thing, and I have told her that, too. “I don’t need an apology. I would just like it if we never had to have this conversation again.”

Is that warm and fuzzy enough?

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