Donuts!

Donuts!

WorkFucktard

Wow! I can’t believe how long it’s been since I’ve written about work. Probably because, well, it sucks…

The crazy girl I work with is still here. However, her mother’s best friend is no longer our boss. Thank The Universe – Boss Lady quit at the end of January.

My new boss is cool and he really appreciates me. He involves me in financial discussions and asks for my opinion on money matters; very much unlike Boss Lady, he helps me feel relevant and appreciated. He also has serious issues with crazy girl.

Most of the problem is: crazy girl hasn’t had a “real” job since she was 21, when she worked at a Virgin Records store. After that she went to work for her father as his receptionist, where she was allowed to act like a spoiled-brat princess because he treated her like a spoiled-brat princess – for over 10 years.

Any other time she needed a job, she worked for her mother’s best friend, Boss Lady, either at a different job or here.

This crazy girl is 35 fucking years old and STILL acts like a 7 year old spoiled brat (without going into further details of her antics); like it’s perfectly acceptable behavior. Since February, she has “quit” twice, but never once even left the office afterward! She just continued on with her “work” as if nothing ever happened…

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Say Good-Bye to Another Horsefly

Say Good-Bye to Another Horsefly

innovative-dog-quote-sorry-but-my-dog-thinks-youre-an-asshole-and-i-believe-him

Mitch is gone.

I’m going to keep this as short and sweet as possible because we were only side fucks to each other.

Granted we were side fucks for 2 years, but that’s all we were or would ever be.

Still, the little prick doesn’t deserve very many more of my words.

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Things…

Things…

Quite a few times now I have sat down to write all of the things that are happening to me… All the feelings that are going on inside of me…

The words just don’t flow. I feel like I am staggering drunkenly across the page each time I scrawl something new (and that’s a challenge because I’m typing. hehehe…).

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Chat

Self Doubt…

…It’s killing me.

I want to blame Loserman, but it really only starts there. The rest is me and my lame choices during my struggle to get over that horrible horsefly.

  • Scorpio – we’re still friends. Regardless, he was a bad choice.
  • TC – believe it or not, he’s a tough one to get over. Even though I only knew TC for a short time, he really broke my heart.

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Life is Like a Joke (for Someone Else)

Life is Like a Joke (for Someone Else)

There were a couple of days last week that could have possibly gone a little bit better.

Last Tuesday started out like it was going to be a normal day. I woke up with Alaska, morning sex, shower, kiss good-bye, the whole bit. It was nice.

But…Tuesdays

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“Emotional Intelligence”

“Emotional Intelligence”

fuckyou

What Is Emotional Intelligence?

According to Psychology Today:
Emotional intelligence is the ability to identify and manage your own emotions and the emotions of others. It is generally said to include 3 skills:

1. Emotional awareness, including the ability to identify your own emotions and those of others;

2. The ability to harness emotions and apply them to tasks like thinking and problems solving;

3. The ability to manage emotions, including the ability to regulate your own emotions, and the ability to cheer up or calm down another person.

Why am I telling you this? Read more

The Nigerian

The Nigerian

Azi = Youth

Azi and I have had 3 “dates”: one back in November, one two weeks ago and one last Monday. We had dinner together the first time and sex all 3 times.

It was good sex all 3 times. He’s a very nice man, but there isn’t any ‘electricity’ (probably that’s because he’s not a total douchebag asshole that needs me for my money *sigh*).

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Lunch

Lunch

Holy Fuck! This is supposed to be a blog about my Adventures in Infidelity, but I have been so consumed emotionally with work that I can barely think about anything else.

I need to get the fuck out of this place and here is why:

Crazy Girl at work offered to take Boss Lady to lunch today.

Boss Lady accepted.

I can’t help but worry that it’s because they want to talk about me behind my back.

Maybe they’re going out to lunch with my Caregiver so all 3 of them can bitch about what a cunt I am.

It sure would be nice if I didn’t feel that way.

It would be a lot easier to do my job if I wasn’t constantly worrying about my co-workers going out of their way to find my mistakes (electronic, verbal and emotional).

I completely understand that the world doesn’t revolve around me.

And I am trying not to think about it.

But, the truth is, I fucking care about what other people think and (especially) what they are saying about me behind my back.

I want to, but I can’t shut it off.

Entitlement or Reasonable Expectation?

Entitlement or Reasonable Expectation?

This post is from last Wednesday.

I am going to whine.

Again.

I have been dreading coming into work.

Every.

Single.

Day.

The only thing motivating me lately is my paycheck.

Sad.

Yesterday, when I woke up, I even tried thinking:

If you know it will be a great day, it will be a great day!

But, as soon as I could see the office building on the horizon, my heart sunk in my chest and I felt like I would vomit.

I’ve been craving donuts every morning and there is a Voodoo Donuts right on my way to work.

am proud that I have only gone there twice since I started working here a little over 2 years ago.

But, both of those times were in the last 14 days *sigh*

In the last month I have had some challenges.

Not only with the Off-the-Chain-Crazy-Girl that I work with in my local office (who I have written about a couple of times in the past), but also with two ladies that work in the Atlanta office. Those two are always challenging my authority and trying to find all my mistakes. I make mistakes, of course. And I own them when I find them — or someone else finds them for me — I just don’t like it when they are put on public display and I am humiliated in the process of pointing it out.

My awesome Boss-Lady nipped the Atlanta ladies about 2 weeks ago, but there is still residual tension…

Which would be okay to work through except for Off-the-Chain-Crazy-Girl here in Denver. It’s just her and me and Boss-Lady; the 5 Realtors are in and out of the office all of the time, but none of them work full-time here (and all of them are men).

I am lucky that I have my own office, right?

That should be one of the things that I look forward to when I come to work, right?

Or should I feel more like I am in a cage being held captive for 40+ hours every week?

I used to work in a cubicle environment. It was not ideal, but it was okay.

There have been many times recently when I wished I still worked in a cubicle because, then, no one would be able to come into my office and close the door behind themselves to have a “private” conversation with me. The start of the conversation being, almost every time, “I don’t know what your problem has been lately. Blah, blah, yammer, yammer…”  (her ‘polite’ approach really helps me to be attentive to her…)

When I try to speak up, I am then told not to interrupt: interrupting is rude.

Once, I did get to say, “This right here, when you come into my office, close my door and start off by telling me I can’t defend myself. That’s kind of what my problem is.”

Needless to say, that didn’t end well.

Every time I defend myself to her she says, “But YOU did that to ME, too.” Sometimes I did, more often I didn’t.

Am I wrong to think that my office should be an environment that I can actually have some control over? (notice I say “some”, I understand that complete control is out of the question.)

There are so many uncontrollable elements that come at me every day, I wish I could feel that my office was more of a safe haven. Someplace where I can feel comfortable and “in control”.

But I can’t.

When Off-the-Chain-Crazy-Girl comes into MY office and closes the door behind herself, I am immediately put on edge and feel defensive. At that moment, I have lost complete control of my “safe haven” environment and I feel like I am in fight-or-flight mode. Especially when she is standing over me, directly between me and my only way out (my office is very small. There is no room for both of us to be standing on that side of my desk in front of the closed door. It’s definitely not big enough in which to have a heated conversation) and I am forced to wait until she allows me to speak or she finally leaves.

Most times, these conversations start with, “I don’t know what’s been going on with you lately” or something very similar to that. And, when I attempt to respond (aka ‘defend myself’) I am told not to interrupt!

Basically, it feels like I am sitting captive in MY office while she stands over me ‘insisting’ on how we need to make things right. Right now. Eventually, when there is a break where I can speak and I try to weigh in, I am told not to interrupt?!…

It’s like Off-the-Chain-Crazy-Girl is a bully who wants me to be her BFF and will keep forcing me to like her until I finally do (even if it’s out of sheer terror!).

I would love to be able to work from home 1 or 2 days a week like Boss-Lady. Or maybe work four 10-hour days? I asked. It’s not possible.

I also asked about moving to one of the agents’ cubicles and letting the agents use my office as theirs. That’s not possible either.

I should just be thankful that I have a job. Office or not.

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Must Haves

Must Haves

Yesterday was meeting-centric at work.

There is one Wednesday every month where we have a sales meeting for 2 hours in the morning, then we have an hour break to check our email, eat and pee, etc… and then we’re back in a manager meeting for another hour.

I don’t look forward to those Wednesdays, but I don’t necessarily dread them either.

It’s the one day a month when our office has more testosterone than estrogen. Meetings with the sales men have been some of my favorite meetings and it just so happens that I fancy one of them. I always try to get a spot next to him…

Anyway, we currently only have one sales woman and she’s the boss (Boss-Lady).

She said something in yesterday’s morning meeting that made me think.

When someone wants me to help them buy a home, the very first thing I do is sit them down and make a list.

One side of the list will say “Must Have” and the other side of the list will say “Want to Have”.

I make a copy of that list and as we walk through each house, I check off the items on the list.

Do you think it would help if we carried around a list of the things that we “Must Have” when we’re trying to find our someone?

DatingChecklist

How often do you think the things on that list would change?

Every time we have a failed relationship?

Sometimes maybe in the middle of them?

It got me to thinking, though, and I think my current list would read a bit like this:

  • I need him to want to act like an adult. For example — take responsibility for his actions (mistakes and all).
  • I need him to want to take care of himself (because if he can’t care for himself how can I possibly expect him to care for me).
  • I need him to want to grow and learn.
  • I need him to be patient and understanding with, and not isolate himself from me for a week (or longer) when I have an attack of PMS or disagree with him. Clue = that is when I need him the most.
  • And I need him to NOT tell me that I am ALWAYS oversensitive because I am NOT!!

Most times I fight it successfully. I’m sorry that my stupid PMS monster comes out that goddamned twice a year, for fuck sake! It’s not like punishing me with silence is going to make me happier or something.

Ahem… **attempts to regain composure**

Anyone?