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Sub Group

I decided to step outside my ‘box’ and try something a little different for a change. It is too comfortable in my little closed-off world and I need to start “BECOMING”.

Becoming what, I don’t have a clue, but I have been hating myself for long enough for no good reason.

THAT SHIT NEEDS TO CHANGE AND THE ONLY PERSON TO CHANGE ME IS ME!

So, this past Wednesday night, I attended a local monthly Submissive Group.

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Maybe Submission Isn’t For Me (aka The Note I Didn’t Send)

Maybe Submission Isn’t For Me (aka The Note I Didn’t Send)

Wild Submission~ submission photo WS3_zpsfe6495a3.jpg

I think part of my issue with my submitting to you 100% is that I don’t really know my place. It’s hard for me to define myself as your little girl (or you as my Daddy) because, no matter what, for right now I am only the temporary ‘side bitch’. The thought is preventative and defeatist, I know, but I can’t get it out of my head. I am so lost and confused in my feelings about ‘us’. Right now I am supposed to be yours as your kitten/toy/doll/little girl, but I don’t really know what that means or entails. We’ve established boundaries, but not enough for me to establish a definite ‘role’. We are just starting to touch on which behaviors of mine are acceptable to you and which are not. When do I call you Sir or [Mick] or Daddy? Or are they interchangeable? Also something to think on, I don’t know why but I am having a tough time with calling you “Daddy”. It has slipped out in the past, before you defined yourself as such, now I find myself resistant to it. I am so fucked up…

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More Feelings or Introspection or Something

More Feelings or Introspection or Something

Sometimes I wonder if I am too overly critical of my partner. (Ya think?)

I mean, I am too overly critical of myself

Do I intentionally pick someone who cannot give me what I need and then hold them to some unachievable expectation?

Then they can never be what I truly want/desire in a partner?

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Remember Mitch?

Remember Mitch?

Probably not, right?

I first introduced him quite a while ago: Coyness is a Virtue?

Then there was my post Work and Sex Don’t Mix?

Mitch is 58. He tells me all the time that he never messes around with women that much younger than him (I am 14 years his junior), that he doesn’t want to get into another complicated “relationship” and that I should be “trying to find a man closer to [my] age”. But he kinda looks after me in a very fatherly type of way. It’s been 6 months since we started messing around and it’s been nearly a year where he calls me almost every, single day.

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