Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

And Now for Some Fetish

Last Friday night Mr. Nice Guy and I went out on another, quite lovely date.

He has a serious shoe fetish and, a couple of weeks ago, I mentioned that he should take me to Designer Shoe Warehouse (DSW) where I could model shoes for him and he could take pictures.

He went absolutely crazy over the idea. So, last Friday evening he took me out shopping. Let me tell you that it was a lovely diversion from the Mick drama over the past few days.

First, we met in parking lot of the sex shop (Fascinations) near our work. (It’s where we always meet and we joke about it every time because there is a marijuana dispensary right across the street! How fitting, right?)

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As time passes and I get farther and farther away from my last contact with Loserman, I feel more and more lost.

Every day I think of a new reason to call him – or I just end up mulling over the old ones.

  • The valve cover gasket in Breezy is leaking oil into the spark plugs and needs to be replaced. As you may already know, he’s always been my mechanic and he’s the one who rebuilt Breezy’s engine.
  • I still have his roller skates in a duffel bag in my back seat. I want to call him and ask if he wants them (and I miss my skate partner)
  • Next Monday is my birthday… Having a good day with him is all I want as a gift.

The biggest reason I don’t reach out to him is fear of rejection.

And, I guess if I had to be honest, pride…

There were really bad parts to our relationship, especially at the end when he seemed to turn into someone else.

But, before that, there were amazing times.

If there wasn’t, I never would have started this blog and named it what I did.

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Lethargy and Sadness

I’m only fucking 42

… and a half!

I really don’t know what’s wrong with me.

Something’s pretty wrong with me, too. Because I don’t even want to go skating this week!

In fact, I don’t really want to do much of anything.

It’s not PMS. According to my schedule, I should be ovulating right now. I should be horny as hell.

Which I am, but something else is wrong and  I can’t put a finger on it.

My right hand keeps trying to fall asleep. That’s been going on for about 6 weeks now, on and off.

It doesn’t only happen when I am lying on my arm, it also happens when I am actually doing things with my hand/arm.

I’m pretty sure it’s a pinched nerve in my mid-back. If you wanted, I could show you exactly where it is.

I don’t want to go to a doctor.

I don’t want to do much of anything.

My ankles are starting to hurt me again, like they did right after my broken ankle healed and I started to resume “normal” activity.

I haven’t changed my diet significantly and I can’t think of any new supplements I’ve been taking that would make me hurt more.

My grandfather died of rheumatoid arthritis, but (again) I don’t want to go to a doctor to find out if I have it.

Because if I do, he could tell me what’s wrong with me and that makes it real.

Maybe it’s just the barometer and I can blame the “monsoonal flow” for my incredible joint soreness.

There’s a dark brown patch of skin on the side of my face that just appeared this year.

My face has always been blotchy, but this is a new spot.

The other spots irritated me, but this spot is dark and it’s big and it’s new.

And this sadness thing. That’s different.

I am usually sad as hell and cry at the drop of a hat for 3 days every month, right before I have my period. Then I go back to being a emotionally-regulated human being.

I’m not going to menstruate for at least two more weeks. *sigh*

My gratitude meter is dangerously low.

Usually I uplift myself with thoughts of thankfulness. I have so much to be thankful for.

It’s not working.

I really don’t want to do much of anything.

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Hospitality Schmospitality

I received a collections invoice for $1,100 a few days ago, so I called to see what it was for because I couldn’t find a bill for this amount (or even from the original biller) in all of my invoices for my broken ankle.

It turns out that I am in collections for an ambulance ride that the Sheraton, where I used to work (they fired my in February of 2010), should have paid for along with all the other worker’s comp expenses from when I fell down and hit my head at work WAY back on 9/4/2009!!

How do I resolve this if the Human Resources Dept at the hotel doesn’t call me back? Do *I* have to pay the bill?!?!

AARRGGHH!!! This is SO frustrating because I am almost getting caught up on my broken ankle bills and now there’s this?!?

(the original name of this post was supposed to be “Worker’s Comp and Bill Collectors” but I like this one better 😉 )


The I-Team

How to Draw SpongeBob & PatrickthumbnailTuesday Loverman bought a new (to him) truck for his up-and-coming roadside assistance business. Before he bought it, instead of calling his wife he called me. He wanted me to check out the truck and ask questions about it. He wanted me to be there when he signed the papers because I am an “accountant” and he wanted to make sure that he didn’t miss anything. Isn’t that something he should be asking his wife to do with him?

When my ankle was broken, Loverman was the one who went with me to the doctor. He was the one who made sure that I was taken care of and that I was taking care of myself. When my car breaks down and I need help I call Loverman. Isn’t that something that my husband should be doing for me?

We really make a damn good team.

I can remember when it used to be like that with the husband. I guess that our teams just changed a little. We got married, had kids, got older and life became more complicated. That’s when it feels like I started working on the Family Team and he kept working on the I-Team. Every once in a while I can see that he wants to change teams to make me less angry, but it doesn’t last very long (just until I’m not angry any more) and then he’s back on the I-Team again.

But I guess I’m really on my own I-Team, too…

Aren’t we all?


I’d Like to Check My Karma Balance, Please?

free_karma_by_pinkiepi314-d572izqThings have been going so well with Loverman. I’ve been feeling so close to him lately. It started right before we went away on our 2-day mini-vacation last month. I think he’s feeling it, too. He’s been calling me way more often than normal. And he has been sending me the most adorable texts — something he very rarely used to do…

Yesterday it was: Mmmm… Just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you and stuff 😉
Monday it was: You on lunch break? Call me, I want to hear your lovely voice.

Tuesday he drove me to and from work and we even had a (really AWESOME!) quickie in my truck before he dropped me off at home for the horrible fight with the 15-year-old daughter (karma? or not?).

I’m scared. I know karma is lurking out there — waiting to pounce on me. Like last November with the broken ankle, or December when I was rear-ended driving Loverman’s car, or like Tuesday’s screaming match with my daughter. I also know that things just happen, completely unrelated to any other thing (or is it still karma?). So, I’m not going to hold my breath in anticipation for something bad. If it’s going to happen, it’s going to happen.

I just wish sometimes that there was a Karma Bank where I could check my current balance and account activity.


I’m B-a-a-a-ck!!!

I finally got to go roller skating on Sunday!

Loverman and my oldest daughter were there with me and both of them watched over me like parents who just took off their child’s training wheels. It was cute. They both skated very well, too! 😉 It was so nice to get out on the skating floor again! It felt like I was finally home!

I want to do it again and again and again and again! Wednesday is the next night that Loverman can go with me. I know that I need to take it slow and ease back into things. But, my ankle is strong! I couldn’t even tell that I had been broken when I was out there skating my ass off. I was worried about stamina because roller skating is A hella-LOT of work, but I skated for almost 1.5 hours! I think Loverman even got a video…

Watch out, Skating World, I’m b-a-a-a-ck!!!!!


Fixed: And Then Some

My deepest apologies. Let me say that I wanted to share all of this with you guys so much sooner than this (because I know that you hang on my every word, right?)! I am so excited about everything, but it’s a lot to say and I wanted to make sure that I remembered everything correctly (for yours and my sake). Also, I have two teenage girls that have a tendency to linger over my shoulder when I type a lot, asking “What are you typing?”, making it very difficult to type intrepid tales of my adventures with sexy Loverman! They also hog the wireless bandwidth so WordPress doesn’t load…

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Originally Loverman wasn’t going to go with me to my doctor’s appointment last Tuesday afternoon (3/26). He was going to rent a car for our trip and I was going to meet him after I was finished. That didn’t work out because of problems with his prepaid card. So, to save on gas and a lot of time, I went to go get him before my appointment instead. It made me exceptionally happy to know that Loverman would be there to see my last x-rays and to hear what the doctor had to say. My appointment went well! The x-rays (Exhibit A 🙂 — before and after) looked AWESOME!!! My doctor told me that I am completely healed! Yay!!!! I am done. I am proud. In 6-12 months the plate might start to work itself out. Then I will need to go back to him to get it removed. Once that happens, I will only be on “limited mobility” for about a month.

Before and After

Exhibit A 🙂

Loverman tells me I need to remember that I haven’t been using my leg like normal; that it was just recently broken very badly. The plan is to resume my normal lunch walks this week and next weekend we will discuss how I feel. If my ankle is okay after normal human exercise (and some Just Dance!), then maybe I’ll be able to convince Loverman to take me skating for a little while next Sunday.

I know he’s afraid for me. He doesn’t want me to do too much too soon and be right back in the orthopedist’s office. I’m scared, too.

That news was a wonderful note on which to start our two-day extravaganza… I was probably glowing and we hadn’t even done anything yet! ;0

The drive up the mountain took much less time than I had anticipated. If we had gone the way that Mapquest told us, it would have taken at least 45 more minutes! We checked in to our cute little cabin-hotel at about 6PM, grabbed a couple of movies from the DVD library in the lobby and went to our room. It was lovely! There was a mini-kitchen, a hut tub and a king-sized bed… And Loverman…

We drove downtown to the expensive local grocery store, past a couple of really neat landmarks, where we got microwavable food for our next few meals together and returned to our “apartment” to watch our movies and enjoy each others’ company.

During our first night together: we ate frozen lasagna and shared a bottle of very nice red wine, watched Salt while I lay in his arms on the couch, I managed to extinguish the pilot light in the gas fireplace and Loverman re-lit it, and we fell asleep together without having sex (at least he did). Just like a normal, comfortable couple.

I was totally content to lay there in our giant bed, head rested on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. But I could not fall asleep. And when I can’t fall asleep my legs start to twitch and then I start to worry about waking up my sweet Loverman. Which, eventually, is what I did. “What’s up, Baby?” he asked through his dreamy sleep cloud.

“I’m sorry I woke you up,” I leaned over his face and kissed him sweetly, “I can’t fall asleep.” He raised his lips to mine, returned my kiss and muttered, “Well, I’m up now. Mmmmm…..” His fingers delicately traced up my backbone from their resting place in the small of my back to the edge of my hairline, fingertips weaving into the tiny hairs at the back of my neck. His magical touch conjuring goose-flesh over my entire body and a warm surge of arousal between my legs.

He shifted his body underneath mine in such a way that, in order to remain comfortable, I would have to roll directly on top of him. My hips shifted onto his and I could feel his strong erection beneath my throbbing mound. One of his hands slowly found its way down to my hip and the other to his stiff cock. He held on to the base while he stroked the head against my tender, swollen sweet spot until I heard myself saying, “Don’t you want to be all the way inside me?”

“Oh, Baby, you don’t even know.” But he kept hold of his erection and began to poke the head in and out and in and out until I couldn’t take the teasing any longer. I lowered my hand to his wrist and pulled his hand away, pleading with him to be entirely inside of me; all of him and all of me.

All of one.

His hips thrust up into mine. I ground my pelvis into his. My body convulsed as my first orgasm overtook me. It never takes long for the first. I heard Loverman groan, “Oh yeah, girl, cum all over that dick. You gonna cum again?” His hips began to gyrate under mine while my back was arched in the throes of ecstasy…

Wednesday Morning

Wednesday Morning

I woke the next morning to a lovely surprise under the sheets and used that surprise to help me wake up Mr. Sleepyhead. I tried not to move the bed too much as I wormed myself under the covers to give Coconut his good morning kiss.

He was happy to see me! From up above me Loverman mumbled, “Well, good morning to you, too, sweetness!” I continued the oral appreciation until quite some time later (he has such a fine cock, I could appreciate that pleasure all day long!), I crawled out from my sheet-tent and resumed my position from the night before…

Eventually, we left the bedroom to take a shower, eat our breakfast and watch another movie — Good Morning, Vietnam. (I insisted we get it when Loverman told me that he’d never even heard of it. I know that we grew up in different parts of the country, but he’s only 2.5 years older than me and he loves Robin Williams!)! Once that movie was finished we walked back to the front office to return the two we had watched.

It was a lovely day so we took the long way walking back to our room. The sun was shining and the air smelled spring-fresh. I climbed (not really, it wasn’t very steep and I went very slowly — Loverman isn’t ready to let me climb yet) up a few rocks and sat down with my face up to the sun. He joined me and we started talking, mostly him and mostly just stuff that he normally doesn’t get to talk about.

I love to listen to him. I don’t have much to say most of the time that we’re together, but I always have questions about what’s going on with him.

Loverman put in the last movie when we got back. We watched The Italian Job, we drank a bottle of sparkling Moscato, I ate some Cheetos and fancy chocolates and then we changed the TV over to I Robot.

While I was watching Will Smith, Loverman laid his head down on my lap. He is always telling me how I can put him to sleep just by rubbing his scalp (I’m sure that the half-bottle of wine helped a little). I know that it relaxes him and, recently, he has been spending way too much time stressing out about things beyond his control. (I guess it’s my turn now to take care of my sexy Loverman for a little while.) For the entire movie I massaged his scalp with my fingers while he slumbered on my lap. It was heavenly! I mouthed the words, “I love you” to him over and over again. The one time I whispered, “My beautiful baby,” he stirred and mumbled back to me. I caressed him back to sleep, but the rest of my words to him were silent until he woke again; at which point it was time for dinner.

I could hear his stomach rumbling under the blankets “Feed me!” so I warmed up our lasagna leftovers, took my veggies out of the fridge and cracked the last bottle of Moscato. We had another lovely dinner, cuddling on the couch, watching Anger Management. When it was finally time for us to go to bed I could hardly believe how fast the day had swept by. It would only be a relative few hours before we would have to return to our other lives.

I tried so hard to make the moments last but, no matter how hard I try to hold on to them, they are fleeting to me.

I lay there in the gigantic bed, watching him get undressed. Watching his glowing, naked body walk out to the living room and back. I drew back the covers on his side of the bed, my eyes savoring his delicious flesh as he climbed in next to me. I tried not to think about tomorrow and “normal”, and I spooned my warm self into his sexyness. We made love that way. Both of us on our sides with my arms swaddled within the warmth and protection of his. His body and mine melting into each other. We fell asleep tangled together. Again I slept like crap. But this time it was Loverman’s fault 😉 He kept waking me up!!

Thursday Morning

Thursday Morning

The next morning we both woke up at almost the same time. I rolled over onto my stomach and was stretching out my back when I felt the palm of Loverman’s warm hand come to rest in the small of my back. He rubbed that spot out a little. “Are you sore, sweetness?” he asked. I wiggled my butt to him in silent response and I heard him giggle, “You’re so cute” right before he smacked my naked ass twice. Really hard! “That’s for keeping Coconut up all night!” he scolded. Then, he climbed up onto that freshly-reddened ass, smacked it again “twice more for good measure” and let Coconut gently poke his way through my bush to the eager and moist oasis waiting inside of me.

He lowered his entire body onto mine and, again, I could feel our bodies evanesce as we moved together in perfect rhythm; embodied outside of ourselves, wholly together with each other. Orgasms shook me underneath him again and again as he pleasured me in all the ways he is so very good. His final climax came. He thrust himself deep inside while my hips rose up to meet his. For that moment of time, we were frozen together in utter ecstasy. His body collapsed onto mine and I could feel the sweat dancing between our two spent selves.

The hot tub in the bathroom must have been calling to him… For me, just the thought of putting any weight on my legs was making my head spin, but he got right up out of that bed and started running water in the tub. Hot water. Once the tub was filled and the jets were on, Loverman came back to retrieve me from the bed, laughing to himself the entire time — proud as hell, I’m sure!

When I first stepped off the bed, I could feel my legs buckle under me. I was glad that he was there to hold me up. Still grinning to himself, he helped me into the hot tub (which was way too hot for me, oooohh-weee!!!) and we stayed in there until I couldn’t handle the heat any more.

It was so nice to feel the cool air on my skin after getting out of that boiling hot water, but my muscles were so relaxed I could barely walk. Again, my sweet Loverman held me up (giggling again because he wore me out!) and led me to the couch where he sat me down, covered me up with the plush blanket and walked his naked self over to make us breakfast. We had Biscuits with Egg & Sausage while something pointless played on the TV — I don’t know, my brain had turned to mush…

I could feel my muscles coming back to me and the food had filled my belly a little, but I was thirsty as hell. At this point I was able to get up from the couch, so I managed to walk over to the sink and pour a glass of water. It didn’t take long before that glass was gone and I was filling another. “Damn, girl!” Loverman said, glowing with pride, “I sure know how to wear you out!”

We got dressed in a frenzy while be tried to get all of our stuff together. Checkout was at 11 and we were only a few minutes late (we’re always about 15 minutes late 😉 ). Loverman drove us into town to “get Mamacita some ice cream” he said. We did exactly that (expensive but nothing special).

On the way back to our “normal lives” there was a mall walk, we kissed, I had some sushi, he had some pizza, we held hands, several people came up to us and tried to sell us something, we declined, we kissed some more, and then I had to drop him off at home… While we were walking around talking, I mentioned that I thought the time had gone too fast, that I wish it we had longer. His response was, “It did go really fast, but I had the perfect time with you and I wouldn’t change anything.”


Today’s the Day

I recently found the most wonderful blog — Level Up Health. Lucas is truly inspirational! I wish I had found it sooner, it might have helped me get through some of my self-pity a lot faster than I did. This post actually made me cry because I was so happy for him. I am truly sorry now for all the whining I did when I was broken: I knew nothing.

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Today is the day if I find out if I am completely healed. I will find out if I am ready to go back to roller skating with my sexy Loverman again; if I am able to go bounding down the stairs again; if I can run across the street when a car is coming; if I can jump; if I can resume the Tree Pose; if I can have my truck back… I am nervous. I am excited. Tears well up in my eyes when I think about the closeness of it (silly, I know…).

This will be the first appointment that I go to without Loverman. Mostly because we’re both pretty sure that the orthopedist is going to tell me good news (I feel like I am going to have to get a note in order for Loverman to believe it, though 😉 ). But, also because I am able to walk unassisted now. In fact, if you were watching me walk, you would never know that I broke my ankle at the end of November and that I now have a metal plate in it.

I am so very proud of my progress! I listened to the doctor. I took my vitamins. I completely quit smoking, to the point that I don’t even crave one any more. I didn’t gain as much weight as I thought I would. Time passed so fast that I can’t believe that it’s gone already. Amazing!!

And tonight I get my great reward for letting myself heal slowly and completely!!! I get to go away to a lovely mountain hotel and spend two nights (and two days!) in a suite with my most favorite man in the world! And I get to do that regardless of my diagnosis!


2AM Photo Scare

It’s 2AM and your phone has just buzzed you awake, filling the room in white-blue LED light. You have a message. It’s a photo. No words, no explanation. Just a photo. Tell us all about it. And what happens next. Creative Writing Challenge: 2AM Photo

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Bling, bling! Bling, bling! Whenever I receive a text, my phone makes this awesome noise that my daughters call “Barbie Sparkles”. I like the sound because it’s loud and annoying enough to wake me up. But they are right, that’s what it sounds like.

Groggily, I roll over to pick up the glowing, vibrating phone from the nightstand. Even though I’m still mostly asleep I notice the time is 2AM. My brain knows it’s either the bank telling me that a deposit has cleared my account (I hate that sometimes I get those texts at 2AM!) or it’s my sexy Loverman sending me a sweet dream (I really enjoy those texts at 2AM).

I flip the phone open and open up the awaiting Multimedia Message. There are no words, just a picture message from Loverman of the driver’s side of the inside of my truck. The steering wheel looks like something smashed it into the dashboard, the airbag is deployed and deflated. Below I can see two legs sprawled out, mangled, jeans torn and bloody. I know exactly what happened. Loverman was in a car accident!

The grog immediately clears and I start to panic: Oh! My! God! Do I call the police? I don’t know where he is! Who am I going to call for help? He is the one I always call for help! I have to go out and find him! SSSSHHHHIIIITTTT!!!!

I frantically grab the clothes laying on the top of the dresser and spend 5 minutes falling all over myself because, seemingly, I cannot remember how to get dressed. It’s taking too much time and I am becoming more and more tangled with myself. “ARGH! This isn’t helping!!!” I think. But, I can’t think straight — what should I do? keeps screaming through my head over and over like a manic mantra. I am blinding myself with my fear, emotionally paralyzing myself in a state of utter panic.

It’s not until I get to my left shoe and I start putting it on when I start to realize how frantic I’m being. I need to slow down and be careful. I think about Loverman again and how disappointed he will be with me if I re-break that darn ankle so close to being deemed “healed”. Methodically, I concentrate on putting my left shoe on my healing foot and then I walk over to check myself out in the mirror because I don’t want to look like a crazy-meth-head-on-the-loose (even though I kind of felt like one).

I look acceptable. Freaked out! But, acceptable. I shake my body all over, take one more deep breath (inhale… exhale…) and I am on my way down the stairs to retrieve my jacket and my keys. Kitty was sitting at the top of the staircase watching me and he decides that he wants to go downstairs at the exact time that I do. And in the exact same footfalls, too. I avoid his elusive furriness for the first couple of stairs, but his fuzzy body lands on the third stair at the same time as my left foot.

“Fuck this!”, I hear myself say. I feel my body rolling down the last several steps and see my head hit the wall at the bottom. It’s strange how it all seems like an out-of-body experience. Am I unconscious? Am I dead? Did anyone hear and are they coming to help me? What have I done?

… … …

My eyes open with a start! I am laying back in my bed. There’s no pain. That’s strange. I move my head back and forth slowly. My neck’s not sore. Hmmmmm… I move my left leg around underneath the covers.  Hmmmmm, again. The ankle is fine. It doesn’t even feel sore…

Remembering what woke me up so abruptly, I look over at my phone and see that there is a new message. Hoping that it’s Loverman with a sweet and sexy bedtime message for me, I open it. I could use something to take my mind off that crazy dream! I notice, as I open up my phone, that it’s 2AM…