Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

The Return

Loverman (aka: Loserman) finally came back to me on July 3rd, 2021

I don’t know why… maybe because I finally gave up on Alaska (Meet: Alaska)… maybe because I was finally able to have gratitude for his part in my life… maybe because water is finally under the bridge…

Maybe it has nothing to do with me and he came to a point in his life he could finally accept my love…

No matter what, I am so grateful 😇

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Monday Motivation: The Future

Usually I don’t look forward

I typically look back when I’m trying to find answers

And place blame…

… searching for reasons to explain why I am who I am

Maybe my answers aren’t in my past

Maybe they’re in the present

Maybe I’m my only problem

I don’t want to be who I’ve become

But I can’t keep blaming my past

It’s over and what’s done is done

I may not know my meaning right now, but my future will help me discover it

It’s up to me to keep myself open and hopeful;

Try new things with an open and unjudging spirit;

Learn to trust my intuition again

The future can teach me more than the past ever could!

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Fear of Success?

Fear of Success
Is that a thing?
Because, if it is, I think I have it…

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Conversations with a Catfish #6

We’re going to skip ahead a couple of months because this Catfish keeps saying the same shit over and over again. He wants me to be his babygirl fully and completely, but he can’t seem to find/make the time to even drive the hour MEET me.

Since I moved across town at the end of September, things have been rather insane. (The Catfish has been chatting with me since August.)

And, for a big part of that time, Lil Bear and Breezy were both broken down – overheating and stalling…

Well, one horrific Monday in particular started off badly because I couldn’t find change for the bus.

When finally I did, I almost missed it. I had to run across/through moving traffic, against the light, during morning rush hour (I know, I know, uphill both ways, barefoot in the winter… Cry me a river ♫ blah, blah)

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Same As Before

The “me” I see

In the mirror

Isn’t the “me” I see

In my head

Reflection

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Self-Impressions

from Don't You Dream Impossible Things?

from: Don’t You Dream Impossible Things?

My most recent one night hook-up really threw me for a loop.

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Reality Check

Love_Hurt

Just when I think things could actually work out with Mick, The Universe slaps me in the face with more reality.

Last week, he almost didn’t have enough cash for our Thursday night “hook-up”. Not a big deal.

Except for the fact that he wants to be my “Daddy” and take care of me and treat me “as I’ve never known”

He sold some rims and tires on Craig’s List and we were back in business…

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Things…

Quite a few times now I have sat down to write all of the things that are happening to me… All the feelings that are going on inside of me…

The words just don’t flow. I feel like I am staggering drunkenly across the page each time I scrawl something new (and that’s a challenge because I’m typing. hehehe…).

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Feelings Always Get In the Way

I was really starting to like Alaska. I mentioned this a little while ago, but the feeling has been starting to get stronger.

The Sunday after Christmas, I spent the night at his house. There was no marking, no pain, he didn’t really “violate” me in any way I’ve become accustomed.

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Monday Motivation: Change

change

change2

change3

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