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Why We Choose Difficult Partners

“We probably can’t change our templates of attraction”, but we CAN change how we respond to trigger behaviors.

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Respect

Ugh…

Monday night I finally decided to talk to Alaska about his lack of respect for my time and money.

It started with, “Get me a beer.”

As I walked to the kitchen to get a new beer that *I* had paid for (since he drank the rest of my last 6-pack – that I paid for…), I grumbled, “You know, just a little appreciation and thanks goes a long way.”

“What’s that?” He asked.

I repeated myself.

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Writing is Therapy

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I’ve been remiss with my “therapy” and it’s been showing in my everyday life.

As my writing has dropped off, so have my spirits.

To be honest, I stopped writing because I was feeling stupid for the choices I was making and I no longer wanted to share them here for fear of being judged.

Because I am judging myself.

It’s already been 5 months and I am still trying *not* to hate myself for the choices I made with Jim/Mick.

…still trying to convince myself that the terrible things he wrote about me are not true.

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My Amazing Aesthetician

My Amazing Aesthetician

Not only does she give a great Brazilian, she is very wise.

At all my appointments, we talk about the men in our lives (mostly mine, because she is more at peace with herself and her needs).

Last time, I mentioned I am getting frustrated with myself because I can’t figure out what/who I want.

I’m restless. Feeling old. I mentioned that I didn’t really want to reschedule another waxing next month because… what’s the point?

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Monday Motivation: Mr. Rogers

“Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary. The people we trust with that important talk can help us know that we are not alone.” ~ Fred Rogers

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If You Thought You Knew How Awesome Mr. Rogers Was, Wait Until You See This – click to be redirected 🙂

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Another Disappointment

Another Disappointment

There is a reason why I post what I post; I’m sure you are perfectly aware of that… And there are times when I think I don’t want to tell all of you what I’ve done because of my shame.

Funny thing is, that shame doesn’t always deter me from making the choices I make, but sometimes it does affect what I decide to tell you.

I listen to your loving advice and then sometimes I just do the opposite – even though I know it’s against my better judgment.

I’m not even drunk when I make these stupid choices! If I was, well, that would be some kind of excuse, right? My inhibitions were lowered, my feelings were so strong I just had to, etc…

I publish posts about trusting intuition and not giving into temptation because I am trying to help myself learn how to be.

I even read a freaking book about how men’s brains work.

But I still have too many moments of weakness and continue to make bad choices.

Fortunately for me the Universe saved me once again (which is probably why I am even telling you about my stupidly bad choice).

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The Beginning of the End

The Beginning of the End

Read Part 1 here

Anyway, Sunday night “Good nights” were crap.

While I was in the air on my way home from my first trip to see him, TC had been reading my blog. He read the table of contents – more precisely the “Other ‘Other’ Men” page (which was temporarily removed… Too little too late. I know. The damage had already been done…). I went to bed completely hating on myself.

After such an awesome weekend with him, I wanted to have some time to swoon. But instead, this.

Therefore, Monday morning sucked. To make it worse, on top of my hating myself, TC avoided me all day long. He didn’t respond to my messages on Facebook and I think I even sent him a text. I tried to stay positive, though. Reminding myself that he has two jobs and a daughter; eventually that all has to factor in. I got used to his attention daily when, in reality, he has much more important things to deal with than me.

I felt so yucky Monday afternoon that I almost called to cancel a job interview I had scheduled for Tuesday morning. But I didn’t. Read more

Fuck Regret!

Fuck Regret!

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I can’t go back and change what has already passed.

If it was a mistake, all I can do is learn from it and grow.

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I don’t think I’ve ever actually regretted something. Is that bad? Because I know I’ve made some bad choices, bad decisions. But I don’t think I can say that I actually and honestly regret any of them. Sure I wonder what my life would be like if I’d made a different choice or not did something but, I don’t know.
It’s weird I hear how people regret things all the time and part of me thinks I should too but I don’t think I do.
I don’t know what that means..