Missing you at the moment because we spent so much sexy time together and I could use a little right now…. My weekends have been desolate now that you’re gone.
Anyway, I do not expect or hope that you will reply. This is purely an email I need to write for catharsis because my Daddy is gone and I don’t have someone to talk to…
I quit my “real” job… My last day was yesterday. It feels good because, as you may remember, I felt that they were bullying me. Well, it turns out that they got stuff done by being mean – not something I like. I am less scared than I thought which is surprising as everything scares me any more. And now I am finding that I need validation – someone to tell me I did the right thing…
Good night, Mr. Mentor. I am grateful to you for the tools that you have given me. Be well, warm and safe. I hope you’ve found someone who makes you happier than I ever could. Your happiness is important to me.
About a week ago, Alaska asked me to drive him to a client’s upcoming new home (or however you want to say it. I’m not a Realtor® and I don’t technically care about the technicality of it 😉 )…
… because the new home buyers wanted to take some measurements for some stuff they were moving in and other stuff they wanted to buy, yadda. yadda…
The thing about it was, we had already made a different type of plan to spend time together.
Have lunch, watch some cool stuff on the computer…
Monday night I finally decided to talk to Alaska about his lack of respect for my time and money.
It started with, “Get me a beer.”
As I walked to the kitchen to get a new beer that *I* had paid for (since he drank the rest of my last 6-pack – that I paid for…), I grumbled, “You know, just a little appreciation and thanks goes a long way.”
Last week Dreamboat PM’d me on Facebook to invite me to a costume party.
It’s an Egyptian Steampunk Costume Party.
Sounds fun, right?
As you may or may not know, I am not a social events type of girl – especially if I don’t know anyone there and I don’t arrive at the choice to go there on my own.
That latter bit is something I just learned about myself. Maybe it seems dumb that I didn’t see that before now, but I am stubborn. If I feel any pressure at all to do something I don’t want to do, I then want to do it even less.
Recently I have been forcing myself to get out and do those different things, but they are events and environments and times of my choosing. That way I can feel a little more in control of the situation… and I can leave whenever I want.
It seemed as though Alaska may have missed me while I was away last weekend. However, this time he actually remembered I would be gone.
I actually shared my google calendar with him after he’d forgotten numerous times that I would be away for something or other… When he asked me why, I told him that was the reason.
The first time he called or even attempted contact was Sunday morning while my crew and I were getting ready to return home. He even made a joke!
“We’re on our way out right now,” I said. “Would you like me to call you when I get back into town?”
He snickered a little and said, “No! I do not want you to call me when you get home!” Then we both busted out in laughter. It’s a rare occasion that he plays around like that, if at all.
“Okay. It will be after 3 before I call. Have a good morning,” I replied and ended our call.
There are a couple of posts from over a year ago – namely this one – that paint Alaska in a bad light… “we” were new and I was scared/timid and not able to communicate my feelings to him. So I communicated them here… It’s still scary for me to go back and read some of those words because it’s truly how I felt.
But, as our “old” relationship evolved, I got better at communicating with him…
As a matter of fact, I “broke up” with him on New Year’s Eve (2015) because I had expressed my feelings to him and he chose to ignore them.
AND, even after that, as we re-continued things, I was able to articulate all my feelings to him when the whole Amanda incident happened…
When I read that post now it still hurts, but I wonder if maybe Alaska was just as shocked about things as I was… I mean, we did just finish a whole orgasmic mutual masturbation thing… 😉 and were in our post-coital cuddling place… naked… and he made love to me three times after that…
…and he with me (even though his communication is more non-verbal) – The Morning After
Smitten with Him 