First I want to say that, before I leave on any vacation, I like to have a “base plan”. Nothing sophisticated, complicated or time-consuming, just a fucking base plan. In my mind, in order to arrive places on time, there should be a deadline time to leave. Period. My deadline time for leaving on our Sk8-Venture was 10AM (because we left at ten last year and got there at 8:30PM, with time to settle in before we had to race off to the skate party).
After that, the entire rest of the weekend could have been spontaneous.
The plan we discussed last Tuesday was:
- Pack up all our stuff on Thursday because we both had the day off. (Big surprise, he didn’t do anything ahead of time)
- Call Loverman at 9 o’clock Friday morning to wake him up
- Leave by 10AM on our awesome Sk8-Venture
As you may already know from reading my blog, Loverman very rarely sticks to the plan (if ever). This time would not be the exception.
Friday morning I called him as planned and I thought he would be ready to go. Because he was supposed to be. He promised he would be. We talked for a few minutes. He said he had to take a shower and then he would be on the way. Which left me with the impression that he was going to take a shower and then leave. This was at 9 o’clock.
At 11:13 I got a text from him, “Leaving now and will be there in a few.” It takes about 20 minutes for him to get to my house, so I put on an episode of a sitcom I had recorded and watched it to pass the time. The episode ended and he still hadn’t arrived, so I watched another episode. When that one ended and there was still no sign of Loverman, I actually started to get worried because it was taking him an unnaturally long time.
Ironically, I made a joke with Thing #1 Thursday afternoon about how I would just be happy if he picked me up by 12:30. I should have knocked on wood when I said it. Loverman would be a day late and a dollar short to his own fucking funeral!
I called him at 12:11 to see what was taking so long. He told me he was at the gas station filling up the car. That’s great! Except he was supposed to have done that the day before. Still it wasn’t 12:30 yet, so I decided to just breathe and not to freak out. It worked.
He finally got to my apartment at 12:45. Only 15 minutes later than I anticipated. I was marginally upset but I got over it. Really I was happy that I could stop freaking out about when he would get there!
After re-checking the car and getting everything all packed into it, we were on the highway by 1PM.
The driving trip was fun. We listened to music, sat together and talked. The only thing strange about it was the lack of affection during the entire drive. Usually we kiss at all the stop lights or make out at the gas station when we’re filling up, and we always hold hands as we’re driving down the road. We wiggle and giggle and fiddle with each others’ sexy bits. This time, I would put my hand out for him to hold but he acted like it wasn’t even there. He never once said anything about Vanilla and Coconut. I didn’t get a single smack on the ass. During the 10-hour drive I only got 3 kisses and they were tiny pecks.
But, like I said, the ride was fun and I didn’t want to get too preoccupied by something so small. I really was trying not to have a repeat of last year.
We checked into the hotel at 11:35PM. The Friday night skate party started at Midnight and went until 3:30AM so we had time to get changed and ready to go skating. We would be fashionably late, but everyone else is late to these things, too.
I changed my clothes and put on some makeup. Loverman tried to decide what to wear and ended up wearing what he already had on.
We arrived at the rink at a little before 1AM. Both of us were happy that we made it the whole way safely and still had a hotel room to check into.
Skating was awesome on Friday night! Loverman and I were tight and we skated amazingly. There is so much skate talent out there! I love to watch all the different styles, but I felt that we really held our own. We skated all the way through until the last song at 3:30 and then went back to the hotel to chill, clean up, eat some yummy breakfast and go to sleep for the day, until later when we might go bowling with the rest of the folks.
Oh my freaking goodness! I have no idea what the fuck happened after that! Maybe you can tell me because I seriously don’t know what went down to get us to the point of “maybe we should just be friends”.
Now as I look back on things, I think he had already set up our vacation for a fail.
Here’s how it went once we got back to our room:
We sat on the bed together for a little while, eating because we were starving and talking about how great a time we had and how awesome the skating was! (Looking back on this, I think we should have each had a glass or two of wine with our munchies and things would have gone much
more romantically differently)
While we were talking I mentioned that I thought our lack of any intimate contact all day was strange and I wanted to know if something was wrong. I don’t remember his response, but I thought it was benign so I let it go.
I said I wanted to take a bath and take a quick nap before we went down to eat breakfast at about 9:30. My knee was killing me and I wanted to relax in a warm tub. I wasn’t feeling especially tired either, so maybe it would help with that, too. He was going to use his clippers and shave his face and head while I was in the bath, but when he came into the bathroom to shave, the mirror was all fogged up so he couldn’t.
He then said, “I thought you were going to take a shower.”
I answered, “I wanted to take a bath because my legs are really sore, but we can take a shower if you want to join me.”
“Naw. I’ll wait and shave when you’re done and shower later.”
“Okay,” was my response. I finished up my bath and crawled into bed. He was just standing outside the bathroom door, in his underwear, in the dark. I said, “Don’t worry about me. If you want to use your clippers to cut your hair and stuff you can do it while I’m sleeping. It’s 5AM and I am tired. You probably won’t bother me at all.”
He didn’t answer me right away and I got up out of the bed to see what he was doing alone in the dark bathroom. When I walked up to him and asked, “Is there something I can do? What’s wrong? It’s fine for you to trim your beard and stuff. Don’t worry about it. Please go ahead and take a shower.”
Loverman looked at me and said, “Why do you gotta be that way? I am just happy that we got here safe, but you’re ruining our weekend just like I figured. Just like last time. And it’s only the first night. We’re going to be here together for 2 more nights and this is how you want to start our weekend together?”
“Last time we had fun after the first night. I’ve already apologized for messing up and we decided to have fun and get along. So we did. I even wrote it down in my journal so I could remember it. I don’t know what I did tonight, but can you please accept my apology so we can skip over this like a speed bump. Then we can have fun for the next three days. Like you said, it’s only the first day.”
“Nope,” he said. “I know that you’re going to spend the rest of the time telling me about how much I ruined your weekend. So I think it’s just best that I leave now. That way I won’t ruin your fantastic skate weekend.” He was completely dressed again with his jacket on, and had packed up the few things that he had unpacked a few hours earlier. “I knew this was going to happen. You couldn’t just be happy that we got here could you?”
This entire time I am fucking clueless of what’s going on. Unless I blacked out or something (and I hadn’t even started drinking yet) I honestly don’t know what I did wrong. And, for all the times I asked him to please tell me, he couldn’t give me an answer.
He repeated that it was because I couldn’t just let things go from last year and have a good time — he told me that I was just going to keep bringing up how bad it was last year. “I know I was 3 hours late,” he said. “You can be mad at me for that.”
“I don’t want to be mad at you for that. I don’t want to be mad at all. I want to stay here, sleep, eat breakfast, wake up and have a good time.”
He grabbed his stuff and walked out into the hallway.
He was just going to pack up all of his shit and leave me there all alone on Saturday morning. The first morning of our awesome adventure. Without even giving it a chance.
As he stood there in the hallway talking to me, he explained that he would call his cousin and ask her to bring him back. All I could think was: Seriously?!?! You’re going to ask your cousin to drive you 10 hours to Denver and then make her drive back to Kansas City?!? And you only have $40 to your name?!?!
I told him that I really didn’t want to stand in the hallway having this argument as people were waking up and going downstairs for breakfast. I asked if we could go back into our room. He told me we could go down and talk in the lobby by the breakfast area
Brilliant!! I love putting on a good break-up performance for onlookers early in the morning. That’s good shit! Besides, if it wasn’t us it would probably have been someone else *sigh* Awesome! We headed down to the lobby and sat where he chose to continue our talk (at least we were away from the front desk).
I would go into that part, but most of it was me saying the same things over and over again and what I wrote in yesterday’s post. He wasn’t listening to what I was trying to say and he kept putting words in my mouth. He kept telling me how I would feel and what I would be thinking. I kept telling him how he needs me to let me have my own thoughts. I reminded him that I am not a complete nasty psycho-bitch like all the rest of his girlfriends. Then I said:
I need you to stop holding me responsible for other people’s mistakes that have hurt you.
I am not those people, nor do I want to be. I don’t want to hurt you ever. Please let me have my own thoughts and actions, don’t try to plan out the future based on how you presume I will be.
I don’t know how much harder I have to work to prove to you that I am worth a little forgiveness, Loverman, but our relationship is totally awesome 90% of the time. That’s a pretty good balance, and better than most relationships I see. You’re a lucky man that things are fucked up in our relationship only 10% of the time. If you can’t see all the awesome things I do for you and be able to forgive me for a mistake every once in a while, maybe you’re right and we should just be friends.
I continued by saying, “The way I see it here is we have two choices. One – get over whatever this is and move on, get some sleep and have a great time again this year after we wake up. Or Two – let me go upstairs and pack up my shit and we can just leave now.”
He sat on the bench next to me (not next to me on the bench) and thought about it for so long I thought he had fallen asleep.
Eventually he said, “I will stay, but only so you can go skating tonight. But we’re not staying Sunday night. We’re going to check out Sunday at checkout time. Also, I will be paying you back for my portion of the trip.”
It took everything in my power not to scoff and say something mean to him at this point. I wanted to say, “In the past 4 years, you haven’t paid back a single penny I have given you.” Then I calculated it quickly in my head. It’s a lot. But I held my tongue.
He got up from his bench and started walking outside with his bag.
I followed him and asked, “What are you doing? I thought you said you were going to stay.”
“I said I’m staying, but I’m going to put all my stuff in the car and go back to the room and get some sleep. I’m wore out with this.” (the ‘wore out’ thing is something he says every single time he doesn’t want to address his feelings and deal with a problem)
When he got back to the room he went over to the chair in the corner, still fully dressed with his jacket on, put on his sunglasses and headphones and went to sleep sitting in the fucking chair.