It seems like, when I choose a ‘partner’, I pick men who are emotionally unavailable – whether I know they are or not.
They used to be men who wouldn’t even take care of me, let alone “fight for me”. In fact, when I actually started needing my partner to be present in the relationship, neither of my long-term relationships lasted at all. Both of them discarded me easily when I started needing them as much as they needed me.
I hoped that this time, with TC, I chose differently.
In the marriage-ending department things are going well.
I guess I expected a little more bitterness/strife/anxiety from Doom-n-Gloom. Even though he hasn’t changed any of his core behaviors that I cannot live with (eg: his complete inability to realize anyone else exists in this world besides himself, yada yada…), he is being more conversational and ‘friendly’ than usual.
Please don’t get me wrong here. I am NOT complaining!! But Doom-n-Gloom’s lack of ‘passion’ or any sort of feelings towards this divorce gets me to thinking: most men fight back in some way when their wives are divorcing them. In some distorted and perverted and immature way, doesn’t that mean the husband still cares for the relationship and/or wife and is sad/upset/hurt to be losing it/her?? Kind of like pre-separation anxiety?
Anyway, what I think I am trying to say here is:
I am very relieved. Hopefully he stays in his denial holding pattern (if that’s what this is) until after the initial hearing in mid-August (at least).
If he’s this apathetic about me leaving him, how much did he even care about me (and/or us) to begin with?
Truly, none of that really even matters because our marriage was broken long before I started this blog.
It just took me this long to figure out that I deserve to be with someone who cares about me, myself, my well-being and (along with me) endeavors to work on our relationship every single day we’re together – and even on the days when we’re not.