Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

Emotional vs Physical Intimacy: Interchangeable or Interdependent?

Heart

One thing I noticed recently about my relationship with Mick is I don’t feel a compulsive need to be having sex with him all of the time we are together. In fact, my actual sexual libido is almost non-existent. I’m rarely horny any more. That could be because (when we’re together) he is touching me almost all the time and (when we’re apart) he never leaves me wondering if he actually likes me or not! We are honest and forthcoming with each other and communicate very regularly about uncomfortable things: his girlfriend and living arrangements, his tax situation (most recently), the fact that I will probably be roommates with Things #1 and #2 for quite some time yet… I expect we will continue to be transparent with each other, because that is our foundation.

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Too Much Too Soon

Why can’t I ease into things?

Mick has a girlfriend. I thought I could be okay with that.

More importantly, he thought he could be okay with that.

It turns out that neither of us is okay with that because, well, feelings…

Goddamn feelings!

I’ve brought them up already with him a couple of times.

After spending our second night together last Thursday, Mick took great care of me. When he finished whipping my back, he rubbed oil into the lashings. After he was finished torturing my nipples, he kissed them with his sweet, warm lips and caressed them with his tongue.

And I fell asleep curled in his arms, just as I like.

Since last Friday I’ve had these fucking feelings:

I like Mick. I want to do things with him. Things other than have him smack me around and fuck me.

It would be nice if we could walk across a parking lot, holding hands, without him thinking he just saw his girlfriend’s car drive by.

Or if we could talk outside anywhere without him worrying that we’ll see someone he knows.

He’s having feelings about all that, too.  Along with feeling conflicted because he’s starting to care about me and doesn’t feel as comfortable physically hurting someone he cares about.

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