The Last Couple of Weeks “with” Mr. R

The Last Couple of Weeks “with” Mr. R

(I think I may have waited a bit too long to write about this…)

The Wednesday evening before Thanksgiving, Mr. R took me out to dinner again. (Here’s our first date)

It wasn’t anything fancy. Just a burger and fries at Village Inn.

I was able to stay out late because I didn’t have to be home until 1:30am – Thursday was a work holiday for me, so I told Thing #1 I would drive her to work (and it was bloody cold!).

He had me home by my “curfew” and kissed me briefly before dropping me off.

Thanksgiving was nice (but that’s a different story with a different person and a different nice).

The next day (Friday afternoon), Mr. R asked if I would like to have dinner with him that evening.

Hmmm… I really enjoyed my Thanksgiving with Alaska…

But getting to know Mr. R is kinda challenging interesting.

We had a nice dinner. This time I picked the restaurant… He had a giant rib eye and I had fish tacos.

We talked about basic things: work and daily activities… He won’t talk to me about any of his family or any of his past, which means there isn’t much to talk about after catching up on current events. He told me about ice fishing and his new fish finder and how awesome it was; a couple funny stories about his friends and past adventures with them or by himself…

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Telling the Ex

Telling the Ex

NotYouItsMe
It looks kind of like they’re choking each other, doesn’t it?

Living with my ex-husband…

I’ve been thinking: at some point in the near future, I am going to have to tell Doom-n-Gloom that I am going ou on a date or that I am interested in someone and seeing (fucking) them ‘on the regular’. Especially since I am spending more and more nights away from home: sometimes 2 nights at Alaska’s, and there’s Mr. R…  And every once in a while I am still swiping on Tinder (but not really meeting anyone – lots of chatting).

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Chat

It Sucks I Have to Pretend You’re Dead

SickFuck

Well…

My divorce from Doom-n-Gloom is final.

According to the agreement, in order to avoid paying him support, he gets to live with me until our lease expires mid-September 2016.

But, I am single now and I could be yours if you would have me.

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Quote

The Wisdom of Divorce by Ricki Lake

Divorce_RickiLake

This morning at 11AM Mountain Time, if all goes well the way it should, Doom-n-Gloom and I will be finalizing our divorce.

Maybe some of the distress I have been feeling recently is a part of this process and the “ending of an era”. I mean, Ricki’s quote up there really rings true for me.

Things just slowly faded and then, one day I looked up and all the color was gone.

Status

Smitten and Doom-n-Gloom Go to Court

divorce

Last Thursday morning was our initial status conference for the divorce.

I was anxious that, because Doom-n-Gloom doesn’t have a picture ID, we might have some problems. So ahead of time I talked with a court adviser who explained that the facilitator probably wouldn’t even ask for identification — but we should bring whatever he has just in case.

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Moving Right Along

Moving Right Along

without

In the marriage-ending department things are going well.

I guess I expected a little more bitterness/strife/anxiety from Doom-n-Gloom. Even though he hasn’t changed any of his core behaviors that I cannot live with (eg: his complete inability to realize anyone else exists in this world besides himself, yada yada…), he is being more conversational and ‘friendly’ than usual.

Please don’t get me wrong here. I am NOT complaining!! But Doom-n-Gloom’s lack of ‘passion’ or any sort of feelings towards this divorce gets me to thinking: most men fight back in some way when their wives are divorcing them. In some distorted and perverted and immature way, doesn’t that mean the husband still cares for the relationship and/or wife and is sad/upset/hurt to be losing it/her?? Kind of like pre-separation anxiety?

Anyway, what I think I am trying to say here is:

  1. I am very relieved. Hopefully he stays in his denial holding pattern (if that’s what this is) until after the initial hearing in mid-August (at least).
  2. If he’s this apathetic about me leaving him, how much did he even care about me (and/or us) to begin with?

Truly, none of that really even matters because our marriage was broken long before I started this blog.

It just took me this long to figure out that I deserve to be with someone who cares about me, myself, my well-being and (along with me) endeavors to work on our relationship every single day we’re together – and even on the days when we’re not.

Things in Twitter Crush Land…

Things in Twitter Crush Land…

…could only be better if we were able to see each other more often than…

say…

Never!

Other than that, I actually do appreciate all the time we have to spend apart.

We each have to learn how the other works and we have to discuss things.

Instead of just getting into bed every time we wanna fuck to forget, we actually have to deal with our shit. And we are dealing with it together. (A novel concept, right?)

That’s what we talked about the other night.

We talk about his family, his work, his friends.

His fear, his discomfort, his inadequacies.

We talk about me and mine, too. Read more

Being a Mom: Finances and Fatherhood

Being a Mom: Finances and Fatherhood

mother_daughter_fight

Last Thursday evening, Thing #2 and I got into a lovely row.

It started with her defending Doom-n-Gloom. For the first few minutes it was mostly civil: I have no problem with her standing up for her father, when she’s being reasonable.

I remember how I used to get when I was 17: entitled, presumptuous, a total know-it-all…

She was being all of that.

Then she said, “You’re taking an unreasonable amount of money from Dad every month. He can’t save money for anything.”

I stood up and looked her directly in the eye and said, “Your father pays me $200 a month and buys 80% of our groceries. He reimburses me for the $3,000+ in expenses it takes for me to maintain this household. Don’t tell me how I am being when you have no idea.”

“But I don’t know what’s going on, Mom. You never tell me how much you make or how much the bills are.”

“That’s because it’s none of your business and, if you wanted to know, this is not the way to ask. Please don’t assume that I am being the ‘bad guy’ here.” Then I got out the financial statements that we have prepared showing our individual incomes and our expenses. (To be honest, when I filled mine out, I was actually blown away at the amount I pay as opposed to the amount that he does. But, he carries their insurance… And I am divorcing him…)

I handed those financial statements to her and told her to look them over. When she refused, I sat down with her and I went over every single item I pay for and how much it actually costs me. Then his. It blew her mind. It blew my mind. So much that I was totally on the verge of breaking…

Which is what happened when Thing #2 brought up how Thing #1 treats their father/Doom-n-Gloom. At first, I explained as calmly as I could that it is IN FACT her father’s responsibility to treat both of his daughter’s civilly and with respect. I am a stickler for fairness between the two when it comes to my children.

Thing #2 was telling me that I didn’t know what I was talking about. That Thing #1 needs to be nicer to her father and I have to stop making excuses for her all the time.

I completely lost it. I was already angry, but that presumptuous child had no place telling me how an daughter/father relationship dynamic should work. I don’t talk about it much on my blog, but my father doesn’t talk to me unless he absolutely has to. Period. He will never make initial contact. My mother is the tie that binds. My brother is cool but busy trying to keep up with his best friends ↓

Here’s an example of how my father feels about me:

My mother had a heart attack 6 years ago, 2 years after we moved to Denver. My brother called to tell me Mom was in the hospital.

He also told me what Dad had said to him earlier that day:

Don’t bother calling your sister to tell her. She doesn’t care anyway.

My brother might be a fake Christian and a wanna be, but he doesn’t lie and he’s not intentionally cruel like my father.

I was grateful he told me.

Back to present time… There was a lot of yelling after this. Doom-n-Gloom finally came in and changed the subject back to the original: money.

He explained to Thing #2 that he doesn’t have a problem with the amount of money that he has to pay. It’s perfectly reasonable.

I thanked him for deflecting her. Then she proceeded to yell at him for 30 minutes. When she was done, she called her ex-boyfriend-now-best-friend so she could yell at him for another 30 minutes.

This entire time, Thing #1 was cleaning the kitchen to stay out of the entire ordeal.

Once Thing #2 was done with me and moved on to her father, I came upstairs and unloaded on a friend (who I will be telling you about tomorrow). We chatted. He was supportive. I felt better and went to sleep after that. I didn’t want to talk to Thing #2 again before bed. I was calm enough to fall asleep and I didn’t want to ruin that…

Selfish. I know.

The next morning I apologized to Thing #2. I was mean and said things I shouldn’t have said. I acted in an unmotherly way.

“I’m sorry for being so mean to you last night.”

“I forgive you, Mom. But you know that doesn’t make it right.” Then, she mumbled under her breath,“I’m sorry, too.” I barely heard her.

“Please could you repeat that last part? I didn’t quite hear you.”

“I’m sorry, too, Mom.”

I held my tongue in regards to her flippant comment in regards to “making it right” and told her I accepted her apology as well.

She walked to school that morning.

When I got home, she apologized for being such a bitch that morning when she accepted my apology.

Finally

Finally

Last week I started the process of filing for a divorce.

I told Doom-n-Gloom on Sunday morning.

Broken Marriage Egg

I woke up at 6:30 and my plan was to make my breakfast and get some cleaning done in the kitchen before he woke up. Then, I would give *him* some time to wake up and eat and have his coffee. Once I knew he was fully awake, I was going to sit down and talk to him.

It didn’t work out that way at all — even though I was very quiet while I was working, he woke up on his own. After using the bathroom, Doom-n-Gloom walked into the kitchen and stood behind me quietly (he does that a lot with me and Thing #1 — creepily standing a couple feet behind us and not saying a word until we do, then he grunts and walks away). I rinsed off a plate in the sink and said, “Good morning” and (as I thought) he responded with a grunt.

Without turning around to look at him, I said, “After you’ve had a chance to wake up and have your coffee and eat and stuff, I need to talk to you about something important.”

“Why don’t you just tell me now?” was his response.

I took a deep breath and told him that he was probably going to want to sit down.

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