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“Shilo”

Happy Friday!

Dedicated to a friend who recently lost his dear companion….
I heard this the other day and thought of him ❤

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Opening Up

Opening Up

quotes-about-missing-you

I unloaded a lot on Alaska Monday night and he didn’t back down from any of it.

He let me cry and didn’t try to stop me. He let me tell him how frustrated I was. I even got a chance to tell him that I didn’t always like the way he treated me and that, for a brief while, I never wanted to see another dick because of how *he* face-fucked me.

After all of that, he took me into his lap, wrapped me in his arms and let me cry until I was done.

He told me how special I am and how truly honored he feels that I let him have so many of my “firsts”.

He took my face in his hands and made me look him in the eye as he thanked me for my submission.

I told him how hard it’s been to get over him. Every time I think I’m close, he sends me another text.

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…Like I’ve Never Known…

…Like I’ve Never Known…

Good afternoon (or whatever time it is when you get this 🙂 )tied

I found the other picture that I was telling you about. Yeah, it’s only decorative, but it can also present some nice handholds… And I did that by myself, so the point really was more art than function.

My mind keeps wandering back to Thursday night… And now yesterday [Sunday] afternoon… Maybe it was the rush of the wind and all the oxygen, but I don’t think it could have been more perfect while we were alone. Messing around with you in that pavilion was nice. Too bad we were interrupted – both times 😉 .. It would have been fun to see what might have happened if we had been allowed more time by ourselves. Those rafters were amazing and so strong… And thinking about being tied to your bike as you whip me… When I got home, my panties were quite wet!

Discussing what we want and are afraid to lose is going to be difficult for me because I am looking for something quite a bit different than you are. You’re right that we need to talk about it and know exactly where the other stands. You’re way better than I expected, Mick. It’s going to be difficult for me not to develop certain feelings for you and to start to get attached. Maybe part of the reason I initially chose you was because I thought, since you aren’t really my “type”, I would be able to keep it more clinical and keep some emotional distance. But I also like spending NON-sexual time with you…

Before yesterday I didn’t think much of it, but now I’m worried about seeing someone you know or “getting caught”…  Meeting your friends for lunch heightened my sense of paranoia quite a bit. And a funny thing… [She] mentioned that I looked like someone they already know, but I recognized both of them like I had actually met them somewhere before! I got a huge feeling of deja vu every single time I looked at [her]. I know I haven’t, but I really feel that I’ve met her before…

Anyway, when you read this, I might have already said most of it to you… Hopefully it isn’t too redundant.

Riding with you was so much fun for me. Thank you so much for letting me be a part of it!!
You’d better stop making me so happy or I’ll start getting used to it! LOL

XOXO

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“Believe In Me”

“Believe In Me”

I really, really, really, really like this song!

So, I hope you do, too!

Believe In Me
by Jamie Lidell

Lyin’ with you I don’t want to cry
Baby, won’t you dry your eyes?
I don’t want to keep thinking of all we could’ve been
And all the ways I could’ve tried
I’m always afraid of you and what I put you through

Baby, please, let me try

[chorus]
Believe in me, oooh
How am I supposed to believe in myself?
How am I supposed to believe when I see
You don’t believe in me?

Think of the way you used to sigh
And all of the dreams that could’ve been real…
If I was being there… (???)
With what was left for me (???)

Baby, please, don’t make me cry

[chorus] x2

 

Strong as an Oak

Strong as an Oak

I pirate get almost all of my music from the library near my house. They don’t have an awesome selection or anything, but I have a pretty sweet music library with all kinds of variety! In fact, I can’t wait for our Kansas City road trip because I can just plug in my MP3 player and we can have something to listen to almost the entire ride; I suppose I will have to let Loverman pick something, too…

Sometimes when I am online looking for one thing, there will be something else in the “recommended” or “suggestions” section of the page. I have found quite a few new artists that I really like that way and I share some of them here with you when I find them; like Kate Nash and Do Wah Doo.

This song really empowered me yesterday and this morning. I thought I would share it with you, too.

Happy Friday! ❤

Strong as an Oak
by Watsky

Everything is A.O.K. (yep)
Because I’m strong as an O.A.K. (an oak)
But money don’t grow on trees
And I’m B.R.O.K.E. (broke)

Everything is A.O.K. (yep)
Because I’m strong as an O.A.K. (an oak)
But money don’t grow on trees
And I’m B.R.O.K.E. (I’m fuckin broke y’all)

Them rims, them rings, them things
You can bring ’em out.
I just had my debit card declined at IN’N’OUT.
The line is flippin’ out, givin me evil eyes.
Fuck the soda,
Rerun it with just the cheesy fries.

Cause’ I don’t think money is THE devil.
I’m not sinkin’ I’m just kickin’ it at sea level.
I got my floaties on.
I’m focusing on all the wonderful stuff
With the force of obi wan
Kanobi bro, I’m broke.
Although I won’t be woe-be-gone.
Cause’ even though my bank account is low or overdrawn, I’m down to mow your lawn.

I’m getting open, I’m soakin up every moment
And so we should make a toast.
We won’t be sober ’til the broke of dawn.

Because beer is cheap, and because love is free.
I’m buzzin’,
Feelin’ like every friend is a cousin g.
And someday we’ll be reminiscent
On some wasn’t we.
Just so down and out.
But we were happy then cause’,

Everything is A.O.K. (yep)
Because I’m strong as an O.A.K. (an oak)
But money don’t grow on trees
And I’m B.R.O.K.E. (broke)

Everything is A.O.K. (yep)
Because I’m strong as an O.A.K. (an oak)
But money don’t grow on trees
And I’m B.R.O.K.E. (I’m hella broke bro)

Why should I sit on my ass on the couch
Be askin’ why love isn’t equal
With lesser possessions I’m light as a feather
And so I can fly like an eagle
Cause’ everyone dies
And I wonder why leaders in power
Would lie to their people.

Be planning like they could be fitting a camel up into the eye of a needle.
But dammit id settle for fitting a
94′ Camry inside of my driveway
I’m sick of the image,
I’m livin’ my life, and I’m doin’ it my way.
I’d rather be makin’ the choices I’m proud of
Than chasing the mountain of money.

But if that mountain comes,
To me, I’m climbin’ it.

Got a brick and I’m laying it down,
Gotta shovel, now I’m breakin’ this ground.
Because I’m in the red
But it’s only a color that I will be
Paintin’ this town.
Because when I make it,
Then I dedicate it to the friends that stood with,
Who would do me favors.
Even lend me paper, when I couldn’t pay for
A little take-out.

And to the fact,
That whatever you think that it means,
I’ll be here and be livin’ my dreams.
And it’s cause of the people I leaned
On when I came apart at the seams.
So give me the moon, and give me the spoon,
I’m lickin’ it clean
Until there just ain’t nothing left
But who would lend a hand, cause

Everything’s A.O.
Everything’s A.O.

So when I say dey oh,
Say everything’s A.O.

When I say dey oh,
You say everything’s A.O.

When I say dey oh,
You say everything’s A.O.

Everything is A.O.K. (yep)
Because I’m strong as an O.A.K. (an oak)
But money don’t grow on trees
And I’m B.R.O.K.E. (broke)

Everything is A.O.K. (yep)
Because I’m strong as an O.A.K. (an oak)
But money don’t grow on trees
And I’m B.R.O.K.E. (I’m extra broke yo)

Everything is A.O.K. (yep)
Because I’m strong as an O.A.K. (an oak)
But money don’t grow on trees
And I’m B.R.O.K.E. (broke)

Everything is A.O.K. (yep)
Because I’m strong as an O.A.K. (an oak)
But money don’t grow on trees
And I’m B.R.O.K.E. (I’m fuckin’ broke y’all)

Loverman’s Current Situation

Loverman’s Current Situation

moving-day

For the last month, Loverman has been moving his things to a storage unit about 40 minutes away. Except for a few of his most important things — his bed, his 3 vehicles that don’t work, 1 vehicle that does work, some clothes, etc… — he is totally moved out of his wife’s house.

But he has nowhere to go.

His wife‘s house no longer has power. Water has been shut off for a second time. It has been 11 months since she has made a mortgage payment. Her son has been taken away by her mother to go live with his uncle. It’s only a matter of time before the bank forecloses on her house and she has to leave.

Loverman doesn’t want to be living there when it happens, so he is sleeping in a friend’s spare bed for the time being. While he’s there, he’s using their internet to find a place to live and a second job and a place to store his 3-4 vehicles.

I don’t talk about his money much, but his checks are garnished for child support (3 kids) so he gets very little of it after everyone else has taken their pieces. That’s why I am always giving him money and trying to help him out. I would want someone to help me if I needed it, right?

Which is why he needs to get a second job. I can’t give him enough money for an apartment and he can’t live with me… Even if Doom-n-Gloom wasn’t there, I wouldn’t be able to live with Loverman, not until Thing #2 has graduated from high school in two years. I joke about how he could come over and sneak up into my loft and sleep there all day. No one would notice…

I have been thinking about this a lot recently along with sorting out what I really want and trying to get my life in order. I have tossed around the idea of putting a down payment on a trailer home or condo or something for him/us. It would be in both of our names and he would make the monthly payments. I’m not planning on moving in with him or anything, at least not right now. But I would have something to fall back on when I finally do split from the husband.

Or, I’d have a rental property if things don’t work out.

But all of that depends on whether or not I get a bonus at the end of this year, and how much it is.

I’m not trying to put the cart in front of the horse here, but I enjoy having these ideas to toy around with. It gives me something to look forward to. I’m not building expectations here, just dreams.

And somewhere in those dreams, I feel power.

SunClouds