Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

Return of the Ass Hat (aka: Loserman)


I have finally come to terms with the fact that my truck Bear is not going to get fixed. At least not while *I* still own him.

Originally Loserman was supposed to have Bear fixed by the end of February. That was the deadline I had set for him.

When he didn’t meet that deadline, he set one for himself: the end of March.

In fact, March appears to be the last time in here where I mentioned it or Loserman. (Infuriation? & Oops! I did it again)

There have been some interactions in-between that I almost told you about. One time he came over and showed me everything that he has done and exactly what he was and would be doing. I thought it went well. It seemed like he was really doing something.

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Now, back to real life…

Loserman came over to work on Bear Saturday afternoon (actually in the middle of my writing ‘Aftercare…‘ It made it tough to come back and finish, that’s for sure 😉 ). The whole experience with him went better than I expected it to…

At first I wasn’t even going to bother him, but I needed to ask him a question about Breezy and the spark plugs and since he was right there I wouldn’t have to bother him with a text and have him not answer me…

Anyway… I’m in the process of trying to get over him and then Saturday I see him and he’s actually doing what he says he’s going to do; we get along and make jokes while we’re talking; he actually shaved and looked good before coming over this time… My stupid feelings for him want to come back. I start thinking that maybe we can make things work…

We can’t.

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Fuck that Fucking Fucker!

I only had to ask the same exact question three fucking times to get an answer that he probably doesn’t mean anyway…



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Oops! My Bad…

Loserman posted some shit on Facebook yesterday about a couple of junkyards around the city running specials right now because it’s hella-cold outside and no one in their right mind wants to spend a prolonged period out in the elements pulling junk (metal) parts.

Remember, he still needs to fix my truck and his deadline is…



BTW – he hasn’t even started… *smh* And he hasn’t given me any progress updates. Big surprise, right?

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Today is Loserman’s Birthday


Oh my goodness, I miss him more and more every day.

It takes all of my willpower (and we all know I have none) every single minute not to reach out to him.

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No News Is NOT Good News (aka: More Sh*t About Promises)

I haven’t heard a single word from (or of) Loserman since our text conversation 11 days ago.

He hasn’t posted any status updates on Facebook either.

And he definitely hasn’t sent me an email telling me what parts I need to order for him to fix my truck, Bear.

He hasn’t texted me or left me a voice-mail explaining what the fuck is going on!!

Of course not.

You know why?!?

Because the very last thing I asked him to do is COMMUNICATE with me!


Why is it so hard?


Is My Only Answer Just To Give Up?

Sometime Monday Loserman moved my truck. He didn’t tell me he did it. He didn’t post any updates on Facebook about it…

(wait a sec, let me just go check…)

Ok, so far nothing yet…

When I got home from work Monday night, Bear had been moved back to the original parking spot he had before he completely broke down (and had to be rolled to wherever he could fit).

I sent Loserman a text message that evening to thank him and wished him a good night.

No response….


You shouldn’t be.

I’m not


While I was writing the other day’s post, I realized something:

As long as Loserman holds my truck ‘hostage’, he also holds me hostage.

As long as he continues to withhold information from me in regards to the repairs on MY beautiful Bear, he is still in control of me.

Almost every single day stupid Loserman passes through my thoughts and I feel so lost in what I should (or can) do.

Because he maintains total control of my truck parts and my repair manual and the time line, at this moment my hands are tied (and not in the fun way).

It would be easy enough for me to buy a new repair manual, but as for the parts, I NEED him. I don’t know what he has, what needs to be ordered, how long it will take…

I don’t know pretty much anything.

Because he is keeping me in the dark.


I can only ask him to give me my stuff back so I can (somehow) figure out what to do with my truck.

Without Loserman.

But, even if I ask him, he still maintains all control. He can decide not to give me back any of my stuff, even though I *wish* he would.

I want that more than anything at this point: just give me back my shit and be gone. I am completely “wore out” with these shenanigans.


My dream truck: the one we were going to rebuild, repair and repaint together…
He has steps and a push bar for Bear in his storage unit; we’ve been trying to agree on a color to paint him…

It’s so disheartening because there’s nothing I can do.

Absolutely nothing at all.

If I ask him for my things, he can still choose not to give them back to me.

How do I break the control?

Do I have to give up on my truck as completely hopeless and just move on?

Is that really the only way?

He already ran my heart through the wood-chipper, now he has to force me to give up my favorite thing, too?!?!?!

I really can’t do it.

I can’t give up my beautiful Bear…


Monday Afternoon With Loserman and Bear

I spent Monday afternoon this week with Loserman.


My truck, Bear, is badly broken. We thought we had fixed the problem 10 days ago, but when I was out running errands with Thing #2 the very next day he broke again. As I was pulling into the parking lot at our apartment complex, he started leaking anti-freeze out of the back of the engine. A totally new problem.

Loserman thought that maybe it was the heater core, so he asked me a bunch of questions and told me that he would be out to check on him that afternoon. I was sick and watching the playoffs game with Thing #1 that Sunday, so Loserman let me stay inside instead of helping him. There wasn’t much I could do anyway.

He wasn’t able to diagnose anything at that time because the antifreeze leak was so bad. It was all over the bottom of the truck and he told me he would be back later.

Unbeknownst to me until this Monday, Loserman stopped by and did a couple minor things to Bear last week and figured out where the leak was coming from – not the heater core. It turns out that a seal had cracked behind the engine and Loserman would have to replace a gasket in the cooling line.

This Monday was a gorgeous day, so Loserman came over to start working his way back to that rear seal. As he was rolling Bear out for a test drive, the problem we originally “fixed” came back. Bear died in the middle of the parking lot and Loserman couldn’t get him started again.

As it happens, I was still on a date with Scorpio (not this one) as all this was happening. So, when I got home around 1PM, I saw the hood propped open and Loserman was working on Bear.

It turns out to be worse than Loserman originally thought and we’re going to have to rebuild the engine sooner than planned – like right now instead of this summer. Forcing me right up in the face of Loserman from now until the truck is done.

So, I spent Monday afternoon this week with Loserman. I told him that I missed him, that I missed “us” and our connection. He returned the sentiment with “I miss you guys, too.” (When I asked him who that meant, he didn’t answer.) After that we just talked about work or if his foot is feeling better, or mine… You know, surface stuff.

By the end of the afternoon, he had the plenum, valve cover and heads off and was able to reach the rear seal that needs to be replaced. That was step one of “the plan” and we were both glad that he was able to get so much accomplished in one day. Now he has to replace the seal and then find all the parts (lifters, rocker arms, cam, etc…) to replace the old ones and hope that my lovely apartment complex doesn’t tow Bear in the meantime.

I didn’t feel as uncomfortable or angry with him this time while we were together but it also didn’t feel close like we used to be. I hate so much that he drove this wedge between us!

I want so badly just to talk to him and see if he’s ready to tell me what I did wrong… Or what the fuck was wrong with him…

On the other hand, I don’t want to upset him in the middle of tearing out my engine…

I miss my friend, my lover, my skate partner, my confidante, my motivation, my sunshine…

I seriously don’t know any more. I am so confused.

Just leave it be. I know.


Things in General

I was hoping that I would get the replacement charger/power supply for my laptop before the weekend, but it looks like that isn’t going to happen 🙂 I did go to Best Buy last weekend to get one, though. It turns out that the chargers are 3-times more expensive there (or at Radio Shack) than through EBay *sigh*. So, I paid $11.99 instead of $37-$70 and I am now at the mercy of the seller and the USPS. If I’m lucky, I will get it Saturday.

Yesterday and today have been a little quieter at work. Which is really nice because I have been so busy lately that I have been making to-d0 lists and prioritizing things. Busy is nice, too, it’s just nice to have a break. (**PLUG** If you or someone you love is looking to buy or sell a house in Denver, let me know and I can hook you up with our website and one of our agents! 🙂 )

Sad EeyoreMr. Doom-n-Gloom has been his regular gloomy self. I would say that he is like Eeyore, but Eeyore is cute and endearing, Mr. Gloom is only dreary and gloomy. He wears it like a uniform — something that he puts on every single day when he leaves his hole of a bedroom. I would expect that he would be a little more happy because he got the test results from his most recent bloodwork and found out that his kidneys are now functioning at 42% — up 8% from three months ago. He was disappointed that I didn’t do a happy dance with him, but I wouldn’t be happy if my kidneys were only cleaning out my body at 42% effectiveness… Especially since his complete bodily neglect is what landed him in this predicament to begin with — still now he isn’t eating what he’s supposed to and he’s stopped exercising completely! I can be thankful to him, though, because he has really inspired me to lose weight and stop doing evil things to my body. I want to be around until my kids are sick of me and praying for me to die! I want to see Thing #1 and Thing #2 as adults. I want to see my grandkids grow up and become adults (if my girls have any). When I ask Mr. Gloom about these things, he just shrugs and says, “If I see them I see them.” He has already resigned himself to death-by-60 and, even though his father has broken the ‘curse‘, Mr. Gloom is perpetuating a self-fulfilling prophecy of doom.

On another gloom note… Boss-lady stayed home today because of the weather, so that has given bitchy girl, my co-worker, carte blanche to do whatever she wants. She spent two hours from the second she got here at 9AM, arguing with different customer service reps about car loans and why they won’t give her one… I am guessing they really won’t give her one if she keeps talking to them the way she has been… A while ago, a full 135 minutes after she got here, she stormed out of the office and slammed the door. Honestly, I am completely over her professionalism drama. Every fucking time that boss-lady is gone, bitchy girl has a meltdown — I am just hoping this time that it doesn’t overflow on me. Just a sec, let me go close my door in case she gets any ideas of who to go after next…

Okay, now for a little bit of goodness (because that’s what really keeps me going)…
Loverman and I have been totally enjoying each other’s company and I have been completely reveling in it. The last 4 months have been filled with fairly consistent date nights and skate nights. As for the sk8venture that we’re taking this October, I am SO excited! We’ve talked about it a couple of times and I think I have convinced him to go to the Price is Right on the Monday before we leave. If he’s serious, I am going to find out more info 🙂 It would be SO COOL if we got picked.

Last week my truck, Bear, started acting totally crazy. He doesn’t want to go up hills any more. Just a couple of weeks ago he had so much torque… Maybe he’s just sick of driving us up the mountain every week for “date night”. It’s also been revving like crazy — it acts like the throttle is stuck open, but it isn’t. Oil has been leaking through the valve cover gasket and saturating the spark plugs and wires. So, Loverman cleaned out the cylinders, the spark plugs and the plug wires on Monday and that seemed to help a little — but, sadly, not as much as it has been. This summer, we’re going to take him apart again and rebuild the engine — we were going to do it last year, but Loverman hasn’t been able to finish up my car yet. Once my ’95 Plymouth Breeze is back up and running, it will be time to work on Bear. He needs it.

It’s going to be a cold and snowy weekend here in Denver. I am going to try and finish the book I’ve been reading: Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn.

And then, of course there’s the Super Bowl!!


Time to Ride

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