Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

If He’s Nothing Else, At Least He’s Persistent


Admittedly, it’s a very flattering feeling to know that someone has been fantasizing about me for the last two and a half years. And he is a successful attorney after all…

We only met briefly in a courthouse; he was the collection company’s attorney, I was getting sued.

He met me under some rather unflattering emotional conditions – doing something new alone (ARGH!!), which just happened to be going to court.

  • He saw me panicking at the beginning while I was explaining things to him (I think I even cried…)
  • I know I cried when the company agreed to settle for half of what I owed
  • I was exceptionally grateful to him after everything was settled and done – I thanked him profusely for being patient and kind and helping to make the process easier for me.
  • Afterwards, when we rode down on the elevator alone together, I was my silly self – making small talk as one does, except I am a total dork…

The day after, I found him on LinkedIn and we connected there.

Maybe that’s why Brent is so attracted to me…

Inadvertently, I charmed his pants off.
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Monday Motivation: Exploration


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…Into the Woods

(Read Part 1)

I feel the pull of the truck as you drive forward out of the garage and turn onto the street. The furry blanket you have wrapped around me is remarkably warm and comfortable. As you drive, I shift my head back and forth a little to gather up some of the fur underneath myself to form a makeshift pillow.

The radio is on. Nothing special. I think it’s the local classic rock channel and it sounds like Fleetwood Mac or something. I’m able to focus on it instead of what’s actually happening to me.

There are some turns and some stops. At first, I try to concentrate on how long between stops, how many turns… But I have never been good at directions. Being blindfolded and laying on my side in a Jeep isn’t helping to orient myself.

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Sk8cation: Sunday

Read about Friday, Saturday Morning and The Rest of Saturday

After Saturday’s skate party was over, our fellow Denver-ite skater friend, Maya, asked for a ride back to our hotel. She wanted to wait in the lobby for her ride back to town and I was happy to oblige. It was nice to have someone else to talk to after skating – someone who has been to one of these things before… The conversation was nice and I learned a lot about the Denver skate drama scene (one thing she told me made me very happy I hadn’t gone to a skate party the year before with a different girl. Whew!).

I had mentioned a few times near the end of the night that I wanted to take a bath – I could feel the soreness in my bones. So, we returned to the hotel and said “Good-bye” to Maya. I told Scorpio he could take the first shower – I didn’t want to get my dirtiness all over the shower before he had a chance to get clean (seriously, that’s how I said it). Also, I wanted to take my time lounging in the hot water. Maybe his germ-o-phobe ass would fall asleep before I crawled into bed like the night before.

He didn’t even suggest that we shower together, he just hopped in the shower and started…. We talked while he was cleaning off – he was telling me what a great time he had, how he had no idea how much fun it would really be and thanking me for “inviting” him! He was downright giddy!

Then, something strange happened. He finished up his shower, dried off and started running a bath for me. I was shocked and all I could think to say was, “Ummm… Thank you for running my bath?”

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My Promise To: and An Intimate Moment With: Myself

I have mentioned this once or twice here, I think. I don’t make a big deal about it because I’m kind of ashamed. But, I am also kind of proud because I defeated my inner voice and did something that was very scary for me (even though I still have not told my parents).

Two years ago, November 2011, I had mostly all of my teeth removed. They had been destroyed through a combination of things: neglect (I used to really dislike myself. I used to do a lot of destructive things. Mr. Doom-n-Gloom was a good choice for me when I made it because I was being so horrible to myself), my seizure disorder (when I started having seizures I was too old to be diagnosed with epilepsy. Regardless, when you bite your teeth together during a seizure it’s very powerful, especially on already bad teeth) and my use of methamphetamine for the better part of two years. That third one surprises me probably as much as it surprises you (maybe… If you haven’t read about it here already). I am such a different person now than I was then. I would like to blame my environment, but I will definitely have to take responsibility for my choices — that’s part of the new me.

Anyway… I made a promise to myself that, when a certain one of my front teeth broke, I would finally call a dentist and see what I had to do to get my teeth fixed. I might bitch about Doom-n-Gloom a lot, but his job provides awesome dental benefits and I am ashamed that I did not start using them sooner. I called several dentists before I finally found one that would help me within two weeks of my call.

I knew how bad my mouth was when I went in for my initial appointment. I sat in the lobby waiting; feeling like a puppy dog that knew he did something very wrong. When the nurse called me in, she brought me to a room with a table and a couple of comfy-ish chairs and told me the doctor would be in to see me shortly.

John Stamos Dr CarlSeriously, at this point it had been so long since I had been to see a dentist that I had absolutely no idea what to expect; I knew it was going to be different from a normal appointment, that’s it. So, I sat in that room and waited for the doctor (I don’t care if he’s technically a doctor or not. He is a fucking magician in my book!!) feeling kind of like I was going to throw up. Then, in walks Dr. McHotterson! I practically choked while I sat there attempting to swallow my pride and tell this beautiful man about my shitty mouth and how I had let it get so bad.

He listened to everything I said, taking notes and asking questions; completely not judging me. It was so strange for me not to be judged! He took me to the actual dentist chair and had the nurse come over and take some x-rays. Dr. McHotterson came back when she was finished, looked at the x-rays and started looking in my nasty mouth at my broken and stinky teeth.

After all of that, he sat my chair back upright and told me exactly what he was going to have to do to make me beautiful (that’s not how he said it, but that’s how I heard it) and how much it was going to cost me with insurance – option #1 and option #2. I agreed on option #1, because option #2 wasn’t going to help me fulfill my promise to myself.

I don’t think I have ever felt such humiliation and relief ever in my life! And I was feeling them both at the same time!

When my initial appointment was finished, the nurse took me to the appointment desk. We made payment arrangements and I scheduled my appointment for multiple extractions. In a week, the day before Thanksgiving, I was going to have all but 8 of my teeth pulled from my mouth.

When appointment-time came, I wasn’t nearly as scared as I had anticipated. I still didn’t know what to expect, but Dr. McHotterson had made me feel very comfortable and I trusted him to “do me right”. That awesome man spent almost three hours, first thing on a Wednesday morning, taking no breaks (he would answer other nurse’s questions, but he never left my side), yanking out broken teeth and wrestling with tooth shards. He anticipated every single one of my questions and concerns before I even had to attempt to communicate through all of the novocaine and equipment preventing that from happening — and, then, when I had to speak, he always knew what I was saying, even though I couldn’t even understand myself.

Dr. McHotterson has been more intimate with me, in my opinion, than any doctor I have ever had. I have exposed more of myself to him than any of my gynecologists/OBs/GPs, etc…

This week when I went in to see him, because I am getting fitted for a new set of permanent upper dentures (YAY!), he made me feel special and sexy and important to him all over again (I’m not getting a stalker crush on him or anything, he is just SO kind to me!). He even remembered that I told him, two years ago, I wish my front teeth were a little larger. I have been a tooth-grinder since I was a little kid and those front teeth had been basically worn down to nubs. The teeth in my new dentures are larger than the ones in my “baby” dentures and while Dr. McHotterson was looking at me while I had the mold of my new teeth in (to see what else that needed to be done to make them perfect) he said to me, “You’re right. I do like the bigger teeth. I think you should keep this size.”

OMG!! OKAY! Whatever you say, Dr. McHotterson!

Dentist Chair

All of that to get to this very short point…

I have never been one to fantasize about men I am not sleeping with! I fantasize about Loverman all the time and find it completely satisfying.That being said, this morning I was having some time alone with a couple of my vibrating toys (after 2 hours of kitchen cleaning and then some vacuuming and some garbage. UCK! I felt I deserved a reward after my shower) 😉 and all it took was one fleeting thought of my super-hot Dr. McHotterson to take me over the edge. Almost instantly.

Oooh. La. La!



Michty_Mac_Handcuffs_2I want to tell Loverman about a fantasy I’ve been having recently. I’ve had it on and off in the past (because he’s a security guard), but role-playing fantasy isn’t usually my thing. Maybe it’s the books I’ve been reading lately, because not only do I want to DO it, I want to tell Loverman that I want to do it!

Hopefully this could be a game that he might like to play, too.

Every once in a while I share something with him. Like when we were on our way back from our KC sk8-venture and we stopped at the Adult Store on the way home. While were in there looking and touching, I told him that I would like to get one of those remote-control vibrators and have him put it on/in me (depending…) and just play with the remote whenever he feels the need: at the movies, at dinner, while we’re strolling through the mall, etc… I even showed him the one I thought would work best and asked him what he thought about it. He was deeply concentrating and never answered; I’m not even sure if he heard me (though I’m pretty sure he did).

We have a date night tonight and I am thinking I could “bring it up” with him this evening. I keep re-running scenarios over and over in my head; I have been for the last two weeks. Maybe I will have enough courage (wine) to tell him about one of them.

I’m sitting at the bar and minding my business and up comes Mr. Loverman-Security-Guard with a simple, “Excuse me, Ma’am, but are you xxxxx?”

Ummm, yes officer. Is there something wrong?

“Ma’am, I am going to have to take you with me for questioning. Please be cooperative. I don’t want to make a scene.”

sexy cop


Monday Morning Dream Fantasy

Lance GrossThis is what I am looking for… Tell me what you think…

(I am not normally this aggressive. When you meet me you might be surprised because I’m mostly very shy… But I’m already here talking to you so I figured, what the hell?!)

I am looking for someone that I can “hook up” with once or twice a month to relieve tension — if you get what I am saying. I don’t want to have multiple partners, I would prefer to just have one that gets to know me and “how I like it” and tries a few new things with me.

But, mostly I am old-school and every once in a while I just want to have somewhere to go after work where I can de-compress and then I can leave and go home; no strings.

As you already know, I have two daughters, both are teenagers and both are very smart so this would have to be very, very discreet. There are a few other details, but I won’t even mention them if you are not interested.

I am so nervous as I write this… I wish you could feel my heart beating like crazy in my chest. Let me know what you think…

That will work perfect for me, my dear. I’m on the same page. I’m also very secret type of person so I’m down with it.

Don’t agree yet… There are a couple things that I need to be clear about first…

  1. You have to wear a condom, at least at the beginning. We can talk about it later if you want that to change and things work out, but this is really important to me. (You would have to be the one to supply them, I want you to be comfy 😉 ) I don’t care if you have other partners, that’s why I need you to do this for me…
  2. Never at my place. Your place is fine. If you want a hotel, we will have to talk $$$. I am on a very tight budget.
  3. No anal sex. I will try a lot of other things, but not that one. Sorry.
  4. I want you to be comfortable with me and around me and inside of me, but no attachments.

It really would just be a couple of times a month, maybe less. I don’t have a lot of time, but I definitely have a libido!

If you still agree with this, I need you to decide where you want to go from here. I’m not usually in charge and this whole aggressive thing is new to me so I really don’t know what to do next.

Fridays after work (5PM is when I’m off) are best for me, but sometimes I can do Tuesday or Wednesdays after work… I’m a 9 to 5 girl, Mon-Fri — sometimes little holidays…

It would be nice to meet you first, like for coffee or pie or something to see if there’s chemistry and to work out the details, etc…

Well I’m not into anal sex. I’m down with it. And getting condoms will not be a problem, my dear.

I’m getting off work in 10 minutes. Send me a pic for later?

Inappropriate Thoughts

Maybe someday I will have the courage to do something like this…

Dangerous and sexy and unexpected. Like in movies and dreams.