Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

Panic Stricken

The past two weeks I have been having mild panic attacks. Nothing debilitating, but my heart and brain start racing and I can’t focus on anything else except being worried.

Worried about what? I don’t fucking know – which kind of makes it worse.

Anyway…. I reached out to a friend for some kind words and I was told “at least you have it better than me.”

That really hurt and definitely didn’t help me feel better. I started comparing! There were examples on either side proving the other has it better….

This is the message I wrote but did not send. I knew it wouldn’t help.

FYI, no part of this conversation helped me to feel better. In fact, I feel way worse than I did when I reached out to you.

I would do anything if you could get over Kim and remove all of that hatred from your heart. It was over 20 years ago and, even though it will always be with you, it doesn’t have to be the **only** thing that defines you.

What you said to me today about how I’m better off than you are??? I’m sad that you don’t know and that you haven’t asked how I am. FYI l, I’m struggling with ALCOHOLISM, severe(!) depression, and not being able to make ends meet. The matter of fact that I texted you, telling you how I was freaking out, should give you some kind of clue.

I’m. Not. Ok

“Babe, you could have paid 6 months mortgage at the lake house for that kind of money!”

My family will never help me, while your family is there for you every day…. I wish more than I can say that I had a family like that. 😢

They know as little as you do about me…

Sadly, we can compare each other and our individual lives forever, but that won’t bring either one of us any happiness.

Love, Me

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