I had a big, long debate in my head whether I wanted to be verbose or just sum up my trip. There is going to be some of both, I think, and not nearly as much of the sexy bits as I might normally write, but we’ll see what happens…
The Denver airport was nerve-wracking!
- I thought that, at 4AM, there wouldn’t be so many people. The wait line was already an hour long. I have learned my lesson for next time.
- I was patted down by security for a metal object in my left back pocket. (I didn’t have a pocket in my sweatpants. I was wearing garter panties, but there was no metal in them… Later TC suggested maybe it was the plate in my ankle and they were reading it wrong…???)
- Security had to go through my bag right after that because the denture cleaner I brought set off their “alert” (powdered bleach… Again, now I know.)
- I was flying Southwest and had managed to get into the “A” boarding group. Yay! But, by the time I finally finished getting through security, my flight had already started boarding… *sigh*
Even so, I made it right as they started boarding the “B” group, so I got my window seat! I wasn’t particularly fond of the couple who sat next to me, but they didn’t smell… She just kept rubbing up and down my arm while she was playing video poker on her phone. That was all. Like for most of the 2 hour flight… But I got a window seat 😀
I find it oddly coincidental that I received so much communication from you immediately after I re-opened my Ashley Madison account.
Why did you wait to send all of your emails at the same exact second? Why couldn’t you send each email one at a time, every 2-3 days starting last Sunday…??? If you had done that, this wouldn’t even be happening and we would probably be on “better terms” as you say.
This is stoopid hard! In fact, I don’t even know why you keep coming back… Is it so you can let me down again and then be able punish/hate yourself for fucking up again? Do you want (or need) me (or your wife) to be disappointed in you? Are you creating distance between us on purpose? Why are you making it so hard for me to be vulnerable with you? Why do you find it so difficult to be vulnerable with me? I don’t understand… It always seemed like Loserman was doing all of that, too…
I don’t believe you are being entirely forthcoming with me. My thinking that you are keeping things from me doesn’t help me to trust you.
Your poem was entirely too cryptic…
We had become attached.
There was more to it than that.
The layers and partitions have changed.
It was never my intention to become estranged.
Strange how this works.
Both women in my life are saying I am making them hurt.
I apologize for my change in focus.
My changes, are the things that broke us…
I just want to give up every time things get tough. I like you a big fat shit ton, but I’m not actually convinced that you like me as much as you think you should/do. Or maybe you feel sorry for me and don’t want to hurt my feelings. That’s how it seems from here.
I don’t want pity. I need help. I need to know that you will keep your word and not be entirely consumed by every squirrel that darts past…