Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

Embrace Your Flaws

Your flaws make you unique and special.

Embrace them like you would embrace an old friend.

Xoxo ūüėė



It’s possible he¬†won’t like that “Someone” is the name I chose for him…

We’ve been conversating through my blog for quite some time; it was right before my skate trip to Dallas when we exchanged numbers.

He came to my hotel one evening while I was there and we met in the lobby.

We chatted for an hour or so. I enjoyed his company, he was handsome, gentlemanly, very intelligent…

I actually wondered why he didn’t try to kiss me, but I figured it was meant to be a platonic friendship and that was totally alright with me!

Sex messes things up for me anyway, and my 21-year-old daughter was sleeping up in our room… There wasn’t much we could have done.

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Monday Motivation: Friendship


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(I haven’t been feeling very up to writing lately, but this has been sitting unfinished in my drafts folder for far too long.)


This is NOT all our stuff!

The weekend before Thing #1 and I moved was absolute craziness.

Doom-n-Gloom and Thing #2 were planning on being out of the old apartment by Sunday evening.

Long story short: they weren’t. When the day was over, they hadn’t even moved half of their things. The rest for us to ‘deal with’ until their return Monday evening.

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Killing Me Softly


Friday evening, when I got home from work, I was happy that the parking spot next to Breezy was open. I put Lil Bear in his place, grabbed my things and went inside to make dinner.

A friend was coming over at 7pm to¬†eat with us and then give us massages. Because he hadn’t yet been to my new apartment (which I haven’t even told you about yet!), I met him out in the parking lot. I leaned on Lil Bear while I waited for our friend’s arrival.

We ate yummy¬†food¬†together; had our massages… It was a lovely evening.

When our friend left at 10:30, I walked him out and Lil Bear was still in his spot.

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I’m Throwing a Tantrum






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Bitch on the Side


So… Why did I change my mind and decide to let Mick have 6 months of my life and my self?

Basically it all boils down to the fact that he treats me the way I’ve always wished to be treated.

And it’s only 6 months, 180 days… If it doesn’t work, I didn’t even waste a year on trying to figure it out. Shit! I’ve wasted that much time on Alaska! Although it¬†is much easier to figure things out with Mick because he communicates.

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Did I Do the Right Thing?

(get ready, this is gonna be a long one *smh* but also possibly very entertaining…)

I started a profile on FetLife a couple of months ago, but I haven’t done anything with it until recently. It probably has something¬†to do with the fact that my first contact came on the first day and he was¬†a total jerk that wanted to Top me immediately and get me into the group thing (and not the “munch” kind of group). He wasn’t even remotely polite about it either.

My profile blatantly states that I am totally new at this D/s & BDSM thing.

I told him that I was more interested in exploring things before I get into a full-blown orgy (although I might not be opposed to one at some point… I don’t know…) and that was the end of the conversation.

Well, last week when I ventured out again,¬†I ‘met’ a nice man from Maine. He’s been spending time getting to know me. In fact, my recent venture into kinky erotica was first¬†written in email-form to him. Not once has he asked me to call him Sir. We are just having respectful (and sometimes erotic and kinky) chat.

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Last Night

full of fuck

Last night I went on a “date” with a man I know through Loserman.

At least I thought it was a date. This guy has been trying to take me out since before Loserman dumped me.

When I arrived at the bar, he met me outside and told me that he had asked a few more of his friends if they wanted to join us, but everyone had declined.

I told him that I was kind of relieved about that because I really don’t do well in groups of strangers and if I had known that ahead of time, I would not have agreed to meet him there.

He apologized profusely, but I explained that he had no way of knowing that until then. He had nothing to be sorry for.

After a couple of drinks I started to loosen up. We were standing at the edge of the dance floor and I was swaying to the beat, he was starting to inch in closer and closer, when Loserman‘s slut niece calls this guy and tells him that she’s waiting at the entrance for him to come get her.

I call her “loserman’s slut niece” because she is 32 with 7 children by 7 different baby-daddies. Simply put, she’s a slut.

He cussed under his breath and told her where we were but she insisted that he go to the front door and bring her back.

He did.

When they returned to where I was, Loserman’s slut niece says, “OMG! Guys are such pigs! While I was walking across the parking lot, three different guys told me they’d like to ‘lay on me’ and that I looked like a good ‘piece of ass’.”

Wow! That’s the first thing she says in front of someone she doesn’t know?! Classy.

This guy introduces us and I say that we’ve already met at Loserman’s brother’s house a couple years back. I didn’t think she would remember me, but I remembered her. Loserman talked about her all the time.

She admitted that she had no idea who I was and apologized. I said there’s no need to bed sorry, I wasn’t hurt she didn’t remember me (I was a total bitch, actually. I don’t like this girl who is always out clubbing to get a piece of ass when she should be at home with her 7 kids!).

A few seconds later, she remembers and says, “Ahhhh, I do remember you. You’re one of Loserman’s friends and you were at my dad’s house one day when I came over.”

“Yeah and you dropped off your 7 kids. I got to meet them, too,” I retorted.

The guy I was out with interjected at this point and changed the subject.

We chatted civilly for a few minutes until the “Harlem Shuffle” came on and they both had to go to the dance floor for that one. I stood there alone awkwardly.

For a while I was trying to make eyes at a sexy man over by the pool tables, but just as I was going over to say, “Hello,” his girlfriend came up and kissed him.


At this point I overheard someone saying how badly it was snowing outside, so I wandered over to see if it was bad or just an exaggeration.

It was a blizzard!!

I went back to my spot and waited one more song. If they didn’t come back to me at the end of that song, I was going to leave and send my friend-through-Loserman a message letting him know what happened.

While I stood there I started thinking: did his slut niece tell Loserman that I was going out Saturday night with his friend. Then his slut niece “changed her mind” about going when Loserman asked her to spy??? (I know, I know, probably not. But it isn’t out of the realm of possibility, right?)

As luck would have it, the friend guy came back and he said, “When the band starts its second set, I am definitely getting you out on the floor to dance.”

The very last thing I wanted to do was dance with Loserman’s slut niece so I said, “I’m sorry. I think it’s time for me to call it a night.”

Loserman’s friend asks with a wink, “What? Is it past your bedtime already?”

I knew he was kidding and I also knew that he had realized I didn’t want to spend the evening dancing with Loserman’s slut niece. I answered, “Yeah, a little bit of that and also it’s really snowing hard outside and I want to make it home safe. If I stay here and have any more to drink, I’m afraid I won’t be able to do that.”

When I got home, I texted the guy that I made it safe.

He responded:


Then he called me Sunday afternoon. I didn’t answer because I was out scraping the 5-6 inches off of my vehicles and my phone was dying.

After I didn’t answer, he sent me this text:


This was my response:




Monday Afternoon With Loserman and Bear

I spent Monday afternoon this week with Loserman.


My truck, Bear, is badly broken. We thought we had fixed the problem 10 days ago, but when I was out running errands with Thing #2 the very next day he broke again. As I was pulling into the parking lot at our apartment complex, he started leaking anti-freeze out of the back of the engine. A totally new problem.

Loserman thought that maybe it was the heater core, so he asked me a bunch of questions and told me that he would¬†be out to check on him that afternoon. I was sick and watching the playoffs game with Thing #1 that Sunday, so Loserman let me stay inside instead of helping him. There wasn’t much I could do anyway.

He wasn’t able to diagnose anything at that time because the antifreeze leak was so bad. It was all over the bottom of the truck and he told me he would be back later.

Unbeknownst to me until this Monday, Loserman stopped by and did a couple minor things to Bear last week and figured out where the leak was coming from Рnot the heater core. It turns out that a seal had cracked behind the engine and Loserman would have to replace a gasket in the cooling line.

This Monday was a gorgeous day, so¬†Loserman came over to start working his way back to that rear¬†seal. As he was rolling Bear out for a test drive, the problem we originally “fixed” came back. Bear died in the middle of the parking lot and Loserman couldn’t get him started again.

As it happens, I was still on a date with Scorpio (not this one) as all this was happening. So, when I got home around 1PM, I saw the hood propped open and Loserman was working on Bear.

It turns out to be worse than¬†Loserman originally thought and we’re going to have to rebuild the engine sooner than planned – like right now instead of this summer. Forcing me right up¬†in the face of Loserman from now until the truck is done.

So, I spent Monday afternoon this week¬†with Loserman. I told him that I missed him, that I missed “us” and our connection. He returned the sentiment with “I miss you guys, too.” (When¬†I asked him who that meant, he didn’t answer.)¬†After that we just talked about work or if his foot is feeling better, or mine… You know, surface stuff.

By the end of the afternoon, he had the plenum, valve cover and heads off and was able to reach the rear¬†seal that needs to be replaced. That was step one of “the plan” and we were both glad that he was able to¬†get so much accomplished¬†in one day. Now he has to replace the seal and¬†then¬†find all the parts (lifters, rocker arms, cam, etc…) to replace the old ones and hope that my lovely apartment complex doesn’t tow Bear in the meantime.

I didn’t feel as uncomfortable or angry with him this time while we were together but it also didn’t feel close like we used to be. I hate so much that he drove this wedge between us!

I want so badly just to talk to him and see if he’s ready to tell me what I did wrong… Or what the fuck was wrong with him…

On the other hand,¬†I don’t want to upset him in the middle of tearing out my engine…

I miss my friend, my lover, my skate partner, my confidante, my motivation, my sunshine…

I seriously don’t know any more. I am so confused.

Just leave it be. I know.