Chat

People Change

There are a couple of posts from over a year ago – namely this one – that paint Alaska in a bad light… “we” were new and I was scared/timid and not able to communicate my feelings to him. So I communicated them here… It’s still scary for me to go back and read some of those words because it’s truly how I felt.

But, as our “old” relationship evolved, I got better at communicating with him…

As a matter of fact, I “broke up” with him on New Year’s Eve (2015) because I had expressed my feelings to him and he chose to ignore them.

AND, even after that, as we re-continued things, I was able to articulate all my feelings to him when the whole Amanda incident happened…

When I read that post now it still hurts, but I wonder if maybe Alaska was just as shocked about things as I was… I mean, we did just finish a whole orgasmic mutual masturbation thing… 😉 and were in our post-coital cuddling place… naked… and he made love to me three times after that…

 …and he with me (even though his communication is more non-verbal) – The Morning After

Read more

Chat

Everything Must End (aka This Cannot Possibly Last Forever)

Everything is a Dichotomy by Ratta
Everything is a Dichotomy
by Ratta

When I was a teenager I had a mantra to help get me through things that I wasn’t enjoying (mostly church). I would sit next to my parents on that stupid wooden pew and, in my head, I would chant:

This cannot possibly last forever, nothing lasts forever. This cannot possibly last forever, nothing lasts forever.

Read more

Aside

There’s a *Venus* Retrograde I Need to Worry About, Too?!?

Image result for venus retrograde in virgo
photo credit Venus Lotus

At this rate, I won’t ever be getting out of bed. Especially since, right after the end of this *Venus* Retrograde, we go immediately into a Mercury Retrograde.

See what I mean about never getting out of bed? That and all those Friday the 13ths scattered in there…

I guess I can be thankful it only happens every 18 months or so.

You can thank Elephant Journal for helping me discover this cosmic phenomenon.

Apparently:

“In your horoscope, the planet Venus rules beauty, art, social relationships, partnerships, romance, love, values, money, and financial security [that pretty much covers everything, right?]. Whenever a planet is retrograde it’s not a favorable time for initiating activities in the area that a planet rules because your perception is off kilter.

In the case of Venus retrograde, the best thing to do is to: slow down and reassess what—and—who you value. If you ignore this advice, you may find that the actions you take during Venus retrograde come back to haunt you, because of a special set of problems you may not know about [isn’t that kind of just how life is?]. Venus only goes retrograde every 18 months (for 40-44 days), as it will from July 25, 2015 through September 6, 2015. Yet, this important event may have a huge effect on your life.”

Here are 8 things you can do to protect yourself…

  1. Hold off getting married or making wedding plans
  2. Do not begin a new relationship or break-up from one you’re in
  3. Make an appraisal of your current relationship
  4. Prepare for an old relationship to return into your life
  5. Beware of making changes in your beauty & overall appearance
  6. Postpone resolving monetary matters
  7. Re-consider whether now is the right time for an investment
  8. Cautiously evaluate any luxury items you want to buy

You can click this link to read more detailed descriptions, if you’d like…

So, in short, that’s 40-44 days where I shouldn’t be making these types of decisions? And then the next Mercury Retrograde starts on September 17th?

That’s 11 fucking days, people!! 11 fucking days to get shit done before I have to spend another 21 holed up?

And really not even that!

“The planet Mercury rules communication, travel, contracts, automobiles, and such [technology].  So, when Mercury is retrograde, remain flexible, allow time for extra travel, and avoid signing contracts. Review projects and plans at these times, but wait until Mercury is direct again to make any final decisions.

About a week or two before Mercury retrogrades, finish any tasks or projects at hand.  You can’t stop your life, but plan ahead, have back-up plans, and be prepared for angrier people and miscommunication.”

credit: The Old Farmer’s Almanac.

So… I MAYBE only get four days of relative sanity!?

Then I find out about Saturn Retrograde!?!?!? Which started way back on March 14th and goes until the beginning of August!?

“Saturn is the Lord of Karma. Retrograde motion is a time when karma is sorted out. Therefore Saturn retrograde 2015 is a double dose of karma.

Before we get into this, we need to understand what this word means. Karma is a form of energy that is very real. Like Saturn, it is very closely bound to time. Past, present, and future blur into one. If we have been bad in the past, then at a certain predestined time, an event will occur to teach us a lesson. If we been good in the past, then at a predestined time, an event will occur to reward us for our good deeds.

With Saturn in retrograde motion, the karma will relate to how responsible we have been in the past. The implications will affect our sense of security. This could be in any area of life… … …

… … … Dishonesty and treachery will come back to haunt some people. Victims of lies and scandal have the hope of being vindicated, but sadly, all involved will find this whole processes rather ugly and depressing.”

credit: Astrology King

Awesome!!

Image result for butterfly effect quote

butterfly-effect

“IDGAF” by Watsky

“IDGAF” by Watsky

[Intro:]
What a beautiful sexy night
What a shame someone would try and mess this up right now
Look around, I mean I’m hearing everything you are saying
But honestly, I don’t give a fuck dude!

[Hook:]
Let me tell you about my GPA, four-O, straight A’s and my (I don’t give a fuck!)
Let me tell you bout my resume. It’s so cray, It’s insane and my (I don’t give a fuck!)
And my boyfriend, he’s so hot, and the car that he bought me is just too (I don’t give a fuck!)
And my “ooh-la-la”, my “blah, blah, blah” and (I don’t give a fuck!)

[Verse 1:]
Cause I’m a bachelor
So Fuck attachin’ a
Label to life we’re living and imagine a
Future where we won’t be living in the past
I’ll be flipping birds like a chicken breast on a spatula
So if you’re bragging then you can forget it
And if it thunders and if it rains and pours, let it
And in the morning then it’ll hit you that George said it
They gave him a fuck, he returned it for store credit
But don’t be sore yet
If you got a score, settle it
Cause it’s more pleasure with
Fun before etiquette
Get up on the table and pour your drinks
Get it, but
Don’t be boneheaded
It’s for your own benefit
I’ll be getting open and seeking my seventh heaven irreverent,
while you be seeking a reverend or Pope Benedict
You got a stick where the sun don’t shine?
Well that’s fine
But remember that

[Hook]

[Verse 2:]
All I wanna do is get my mind right
If I’m looking at tomorrow check my eyesight
All I’m gonna focus on is this fine night
Cause all I know this life is finite
Never Neverland isn’t more than a legend
and so I gotta be digging the present session and getting this
Wedging myself up into the wettest crevices, effortless
Grabbing a piece of the flesh, if you love it then why fight
Some people slower than a nineties modem
Wanna see the nips, it’s a while to loadem
If life is a woman she’s got some epic titties
and I wanna get up in it and live it and motorboat ’em
Cause I wanna see the cool and the classy
And I wanna see the cruel and the nasty
Cause if it’s real shit
Lemme feel it
And if you can’t deal
I DON’T GIVE A FUCK!

[Bridge:]
Let me tell you ’bout my five year plan and my 401k and (I don’t give a fuck!)
Let me tell you ’bout my workout set, P90X and my (I don’t give a fuck!)
Let me tell you bout some random crap you don’t care about and (I don’t give a fuck!)
And my “ooh-la-la”, my “blah, blah, blah” and (I don’t give a fuck!)

[Hook]

fuck

A Meeting With Mr. X

A Meeting With Mr. X

Photo Credit: lanier67
Photo Credit: lanier67

Mr. X and I met briefly last week after a brief and uncomfortable text conversation. I was going to share it with you here, but it’s longer than I remembered it to be.

In short, we decided to meet so we could hash a few issues out face-to-face.

I was nervous because of some things I said to him before he left town on some family business.

We talked about our situation and how it needs to work for both of us. (I have to admit that I am really starting to like this “open communication” and honesty thing. Especially when my ‘partner’ doesn’t hate me for sharing my feelings…)

  • He agreed only to tell me about future “plans” or fun things we’re going to do if he’s at least 75% sure it’s going to happen (or 80%, I can’t remember…). Anything less than that and he has to keep it to himself so I don’t get my hopes up 😉
  • I agreed that I need to back off. I need to practice patience. He totally spoiled me at the beginning with attention (not a complaint, just an observation) and I got used to it. In fact I loved it, even though I knew that it couldn’t possibly be that way all the time.

It’s surprising how attached I have become to him in such a short time. We’ve only ‘known’ each other since the end of November, but he already knows so much about me.

Even more than Loserman did.

And Mr. X still likes me…

Looking To the Future. Seriously.

Looking To the Future. Seriously.

I have a lot of things to say, just don’t feel like saying it.

Things are going well, but I have been spending a lot of time wandering through the thoughts in my head.

Mr. AM never called or emailed me back. We were supposed to hook up today. I’m not surprised or disappointed.

I have established some kind of Pen Pal relationship with another guy from Ashley Madison, but that whole conversation has faded. We emailed each other almost every day for the first two weeks, but now when I try to write things to him, my brain comes up completely empty.

I’m not depressed or upset or anything like that. I am frustrated with my current situation (and Loverman’s — more about that later) and keep trying to figure out what I can do to change it or make it go away better.

Last weekend (10-or-so days ago) I talked to Doom-n-Gloom about contributing actual money to the household instead of just being responsible for buying groceries. This was a huge step for me: being able to confront him with a real issue that needed to be dealt with. He started telling me that his garnishments will be stopping soon (it sounded like the beginnings of an excuse to me) and I stopped him right there. I explained that I needed money from him regardless of the garnishments and that if he wouldn’t be able to come up with the money, the lease is up in September, he is more than welcome to find somewhere cheaper than $200/month. He said he understood and that was the end of it.shocked_baby

Holy Crap! It seems like this was a huge step for him, too.

I took my first payment from him last Friday. It felt strange, but it also felt very good.

And, here’s a little secret: I am not actually using ALL of that money for the household – half of it is going into a savings account I started for Doom-n-Gloom. Then, when I kick him out ask him to leave, there will be money to help him get a place (or something) AND that money won’t be coming from my pocket! It will legitimately be his money.

I am kind of proud of myself for looking to the future. That’s not really my thing.

I guess I must be getting pretty serious…