I am very disappointed in myself for re-engaging with Mick. I should have let his little tantrum be the end of us.
*sigh* But that isn’t the choice I made and I’m now reaping the consequences = excuses, excuses, excuses…
The title of these posts are ironic in more than one way…
Catch Part 1 here
After the bullshit of Friday night, things went back to “normal” with Mick for the rest of the weekend. Back and forth nothing comments about what we were each doing. He sent a couple of pictures of the hotel and downtown Cincinnati.
But again on Monday, he started in with the “wish you were here’s” and “somedays”. Each time he uses those words, my side drops off completely. I prefer not to engage with him when he starts talking about imaginary things.
I think part of my issue with my submitting to you 100% is that I don’t really know my place. It’s hard for me to define myself as your little girl (or you as my Daddy) because, no matter what, for right now I am only the temporary ‘side bitch’. The thought is preventative and defeatist, I know, but I can’t get it out of my head. I am so lost and confused in my feelings about ‘us’. Right now I am supposed to be yours as your kitten/toy/doll/little girl, but I don’t really know what that means or entails. We’ve established boundaries, but not enough for me to establish a definite ‘role’. We are just starting to touch on which behaviors of mine are acceptable to you and which are not. When do I call you Sir or [Mick] or Daddy? Or are they interchangeable? Also something to think on, I don’t know why but I am having a tough time with calling you “Daddy”. It has slipped out in the past, before you defined yourself as such, now I find myself resistant to it. I am so fucked up…
It’s been a little over a week since Mick had his flashback.
We have since spent another Thursday night, Friday evening and Sunday afternoon together – with and without kink and completely without incident.
Thursday night was special to me because Mick accidentally let me see a part of his inner self. But after that, *he* was having issues with letting his guard down too much with me and *I* was having issues with liking him too much.
Spending Friday night with Alaska was supposed to help put some distance between Mick and me. Instead, it put more distance between Alaska and me (which is what needed to happen anyway).
I’m more of a “guys’ night in” type of person, really…
Football, sitcoms, video games…
A couple of weeks ago, I tweeted a tarot reading I got in my email along with my horoscope. I shared them because they were relevant… Blah, blah…
In the horoscope I remembered to white out my name. In the tarot reading I did not.
After Saturday’s skate party was over, our fellow Denver-ite skater friend, Maya, asked for a ride back to our hotel. She wanted to wait in the lobby for her ride back to town and I was happy to oblige. It was nice to have someone else to talk to after skating – someone who has been to one of these things before… The conversation was nice and I learned a lot about the Denver skate drama scene (one thing she told me made me very happy I hadn’t gone to a skate party the year before with a different girl. Whew!).
I had mentioned a few times near the end of the night that I wanted to take a bath – I could feel the soreness in my bones. So, we returned to the hotel and said “Good-bye” to Maya. I told Scorpio he could take the first shower – I didn’t want to get my dirtiness all over the shower before he had a chance to get clean (seriously, that’s how I said it). Also, I wanted to take my time lounging in the hot water. Maybe his germ-o-phobe ass would fall asleep before I crawled into bed like the night before.
He didn’t even suggest that we shower together, he just hopped in the shower and started…. We talked while he was cleaning off – he was telling me what a great time he had, how he had no idea how much fun it would really be and thanking me for “inviting” him! He was downright giddy
Then, something strange happened. He finished up his shower, dried off and started running a bath for me. I was shocked and all I could think to say was, “Ummm… Thank you for running my bath?”
To read about Friday’s adventure click here
I got my mother-fucking period.
And on my Sk8cation, too!!
That is officially 3 ‘cycles’ in as many weeks.
Before we left I figured I should be safe for a few days, right? Even a few weeks?
Fuck this change-of-life shit!
It actually started at the end of our drive Friday night, but I was hoping it was a fluke and only mild spotting (just like I thought the prior week right before I got period #2).
Nope. It wasn’t spotting. Saturday morning I woke up with another full-blown menstrual period!
This weekend’s Devil Dash was rained out, to be postponed until the poor town of Lyons dries out 😦 I am disappointed, but it will be rescheduled or I can go next year (something to look forward to).
The state of Colorado is flooding! The saddest part of everything is the loss of people’s homes and belongings. Very few people have flood insurance in Colorado. Even the governor said this morning that a flood of this proportion only happens every 250 years or so and people aren’t prepared for that type of disaster here.
Last week the city of Boulder (Lyons is about 30 minutes north of Boulder) got as much moisture as they normally would in an entire year! Streets are washed out and thousands of people spent the weekend sandbagging. The rivers and creeks are supposed to crest tonight or tomorrow but there is even more rain coming this afternoon.
Tomorrow afternoon through Thursday there is supposed to be a break, but it might start again Friday. It’s crazy!
My girlfriend still came into town and we had a great time catching up! I was afraid that it would be odd and uncomfortable because we hadn’t seen each other in so long — and we have both changed. But, deep down, both of us are still the same and the weekend was wonderful!
Here’s my new tattoo — we didn’t do the Devil Dash, but we still got those! And I got my nose pierced, too — because there was a sale and I have always wanted to get it done.
I can’t wait until my Hello Kitty heals and looks all cute and clean! My girlfriend’s tattoo is much more devilish, but I didn’t take a picture of hers – you can see, in this post, an example of what she got.
So, even though there is very little to do in the state of Colorado when it’s raining, we still had a great time and (for the most part) stayed dry.
I really do hope that it stops raining tomorrow like it’s supposed to. We have tickets to the Earth Wind & Fire concert Wednesday night and I would really hate to miss that, too.
Keep your fingers crossed 🙂 and have a lovely Monday.