Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

I Hate Myself for Loving You

But I guess that’s kind of what love is, right?

Before my skate trip to Houston in February, I mentioned to Alaska that I might like for him to pick me up from the airport when I returned.

At that point, it had been 4 weeks since we’d seen each other and I was really starting to miss him. Even for my extracurricular escapades and the fact that we’d been communicating nearly every day, I missed the hell out of him and wanted to feel his gigantic chocolate body next to mine…

When he couldn’t make the effort to come and get me because he was showing houses to a client he already admitted to disliking immensely (AND after knowing about my trip for over a week), I composed my little note to him on the train/bus ride back to my apartment.

And later, when I texted him I’d made it home safe, he simply answered: masturbate for me now and send me the video


Just do I as I say

This made me even more upset with him, but I did as I was told…

Before I fell asleep, he did send me a “good girl” 😉

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Ooooh! Sparkly!

I’m doing a work project for Alaska right now…


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Tomorrow Night

When you come over tomorrow night, let yourself in.

I will be sitting at my desk working.

Don’t say anything.

First you will greet me with a kiss.

Then you will strip down slowly as I watch.

Let me admire you, Heavenly.

When I am ready, I will turn you and spank you until both your ass cheeks are burning red.

When I am through, you will go straight to your drawer and get your butt plug and the lube.

You will get on your hands and knees in your spot and face away from me.

Spread your legs wide so I can see your perfect little asshole.

Lube up your plug as much as you need and insert it for me.

I want to see everything.

Then, get comfortable and relaxed so you can wait for me to finish working.

Want to be Mastered


Good Girl


I wrapped my arm around Him tightly as I nestled in the crook of His arm. It felt so good; nice and warm in His bed, under the electric blanket I gave Him for Christmas.

We lay there like that for quite a while, but it didn’t surprise me when He started guiding my head back down to His cock. I enjoy pleasing Him very much and I know this pleases Him immensely (He hasn’t ever rated my skills and has always praised me for my oral ‘prowess’).

Incidentally, I am fascinated by a man’s penis. *I* don’t have one, therefore I don’t understand how it works, therefore it’s magic! And, although I prefer a circumcised one to a non-, that could very likely be only because I haven’t met many of the other sort 😉

I am not adverse to learning new things…

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Get Ready for Some Disappointment


Monday morning was tough for me.

Fuck, every Monday sucks for me. It’s a horrible pattern I’ve created: roller skating myself into this insane adrenaline high over the weekend and not getting enough sleep…

Then, when I wake up on Monday morning, the endorphins are back to ‘normal’.

I’m crashing.

Along with this week’s crash, I was very upset with myself for all the feelings I’m having about my new “play partner” Mick.

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The Morning After

When my thoughts were finally able to succumb to peace, I slept for maybe 2 hours.

Which kept Alaska from sleeping well, too.

The previous night, after he had ravaged me to the point I was scared enough to ask if I could go home, he became very gentle with me. The way he made love to me, the way he held me in his arms, the way he spoke to me, the way he woke up each time I stirred and made sure I was okay…

I wasn’t, but at the time I didn’t feel like I could tell him that… I was worried I would get another whipping and my ass wasn’t ready again so soon… Or my mind. My knees and ankles were hurting me to the point I could barely stay still in the bed, let alone kneel before him and submit again.

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Part 1, Part 2

..My blindfold is amazingly secure! I still don’t know what time it is or where I really am. I can hear the birds with their early morning wake-up calls, but that could be anywhere.

You take a step away from me, leaving my back open to the morning chill. After the 30 lashes and the powerful fucking, the cool air is nothing but a relief. I let out a deep sigh and relax into my bindings, my body sagging a bit. An amusing thought pops through my mind, I wonder if we woke up the birds.

You approach me from behind again. Only this time it’s more ‘clinical’. I can feel that your pants are fastened securely where they belong and it doesn’t take long for you to untie my bindings. Once released, I practically collapse into your arms, thankful you’re there to catch me before I hit the ground. My legs so weak, I fear I wouldn’t be able to get up again.

Your arms wrap around me from behind and your lips caress my ear as you say, “I’m so proud of you, my pet. You took your punishment quietly and majestically. Now, let me take you inside for reward.”

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Tuesday and the New Truck

These are the two texts I got from Loverman Tuesday afternoon in regards to his purchasing a ‘new’ truck.

#1: Mama, you are going to kill me but I found the truck and they are going to let me drive it today with $200 down.
(this text was cute both because of the nature of the text and the fact that he used my name. He never texts me my name.)

#2: I’m test driving it now. On my way to you so see what you think.

It was so adorably cute I immediately went to go tell my boss about it (she knows all that is going on in my life — I love my boss, she is the best boss I have ever had!). And (grinning, I’m sure) I read her the messages and asked her, “Isn’t this something you would normally ask your spouse?” Her response was, “Neither of you has a great relationship with your spouse. Does it surprise you that he’s asking you about this? I mean, he IS the one that takes care of you instead of <husband’s name>. He is the one that you call when you need something a spouse normally does for their partner.

That is what got me started thinking on the I-Team post from yesterday…

Loverman brought the truck to show me as promised. I checked it out and asked him all the questions I could think of. The cab of the truck was filthy, but nothing that a good scrub wouldn’t fix. We looked under the hood and everything looked clean under there. While he was driving the truck to me, the Check Engine light came on so we talked about that for a minute (he says I’m his “assistant” because I help him work on cars when he needs me and when I have time — I can’t wait until this summer when we can get out to the junkyards!). Every time I thought of something to ask him or tell him about, I received a resounding “Good girl!” It’s amazing how good just a little bit of validation can make you feel, eh?

He tooled around in the truck for the next hour or so until I got off of work because he wanted me to go with him to sign the contract. Also, he wanted me to be there and say if I thought that the whole thing was a good deal.

It turns out that he got the truck. He purchased it through one of those companies that helps you to rebuild your credit. As long as he stays on the automatic payment plan for the next 2.5 years the truck is covered under their full warranty program. That part is awesome because him having money to fix the darn thing was what I was most worried about — Loverman has child support payments and health insurance already being deducted from his checks, he barely makes $250 every other week; I wanted to make sure that he would have enough to cover other things like the water bill and his car insurance.

Just like in last week’s Karma post, I think that things are going too well.

Am I just being paranoid?