Sunday Morning Good-Byes

Sunday Morning Good-Byes

Waking up with him Sunday morning was even more wonderful than Saturday.

We woke with the sun. I started stirring about an hour before he did, fading in and out of dreamland, enjoying the way he felt laying next to me, relishing the comfort of the bed and the warmth of the blankets.

And

My head fits perfectly in the nook of his left shoulder.

Perfectly.

Image result for sleeping together tumblr

So much so, that my neck doesn’t start to get stiff or my arm underneath doesn’t fall asleep. In fact, it’s so comfortable there, I can actually fall back to sleep in that place.

(A week later, TC still wakes up with thoughts that I am cradled there on his arm.

See?

Perfect. 😉 )

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Bye, Mr. X

Bye, Mr. X

If you truly love your wife and want some advice and perspective on making your marriage work, here is the website I told you about. This is the page with all of Matt’s Letters to Shitty Husbands – http://mustbethistalltoride.com/an-open-letter-to-shitty-husbands/. If you don’t have much time, read these, but I really like this guy and read almost every one of his posts.

For what it’s worth, thank you for taking time to dump me (but I suspect you have already deleted this email account and you were just being kind to me when you said you wanted to still be “friends”. I should have known better when you told me “It’s not you, it’s me”… Cliché or not…)

Good luck with the job, the wife and your beloved daughter. I wish all of you the best… Even though I hope to hear back from you someday, I’m sure I’m only deluding myself.

I’m sorry, Mr. X. I totally fucked everything up.

Someday maybe I will get it right, but for now I am off to break some serious asshole hearts before I am too old to have my revenge…

*sigh*

Word of the Day: Futility

Word of the Day: Futility

noun: futility
fu·til·i·ty
ˈfyo͞oˈtilətē
definition: pointlessness or uselessness.
example: “the horror and futility of war”
synonyms: fruitlessness, pointlessness, uselessness, vanity, ineffectiveness, inefficacy
Futility____by_cidaq
Futility
by cidaq on Deviantart

I heard this song on the radio this morning and as I was listening I could only think: “futility”.

It’s a song I hear from time to time on the radio, it’s not that old, I have it on my MP3 player in the rotation and when it comes on I don’t skip it. I always thought this song was about suicide, at least that’s what it meant to me, but as I was listening to it this morning it’s meaning changed for me a little. I began thinking that it’s a much better description of the way I feel when I am overwhelmed with something and I have completely give up, or have already given up. I scream for the “Coast Guard” for help, but they’re just not there: “Please help me, I’ve thrown myself in the ocean with this horrible, terrible, no good, very bad choice and now I am drowning in the consequences!”

But now, after watching the video, I am wondering: did I miss the mark completely and the song is about stagefright? Or zombies? Vampires? What’s with the gas masks? Jonah? … … ??? If you know, please enlighten!

Into the Ocean

Blue October

I’m just a normal boy
That sank when I fell overboard
My ship would leave the country
But I’d rather swim ashore

Without a life vest I’d be stuck again
Wish I was much more masculine
Maybe then I could learn to swim
Like ‘fourteen miles away’

Now floating up and down
I spin, colliding into sound
Like whales beneath me diving down
I’m sinking to the bottom of my
Everything that freaks me out
The lighthouse beam has just run out
I’m cold as cold as cold can be
Be

I want to swim away but don’t know how
Sometimes it feels just like I’m fallin’ in the ocean
Let the waves up take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion, yeah
Let the rain of what I feel right now, come down
Let the rain come down

Where is the coastguard
I keep looking each direction
For a spotlight, give me something
I need something for protection
Maybe flotsam junk will do just fine
The jetsam sunk, I’m left behind
I’m treading for my life believe me
(How can I keep up this breathing)

Not knowing how to think
I scream aloud, begin to sink
My legs and arms are broken down
With envy for the solid ground
I’m reaching for the life within me
How can one man stop his ending
I thought of just your face
Relaxed, and floated into space

I want to swim away but don’t know how
Sometimes it feels just like I’m fallin’ in the ocean
Let the waves up take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion, yeah
Let the rain of what I feel right now, come down
Let the rain come down

Now waking to the sun
I calculate what I had done
Like jumping from the bow, yeah
Just to prove that I knew how, yeah
It’s midnight’s late reminder of
The loss of her, the one I love
My will to quickly end it all
Sat front row in my need to fall

Into the ocean, end it all
Into the ocean, end it all
Into the ocean, end it all
Into the ocean, end it all

[Zayra]
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)

I want to swim away but don’t know how
Sometimes it feels just like I’m falling in the ocean
Let the waves up take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion, yeah
Let the rain of what I feel right now, come down
Let the rain come down

Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
(In to space)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
I thought of just your face