Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

Life is Hard (and scary, too)

Life is overwhelming me. So much so, that I am curious how I’ve made it this far.

I mean, my kids are grown and I am 49 years old. Somehow I managed to get married and stay married for 20 years. I found the courage to get a divorce… I’ve interviewed for many jobs, left those jobs for new ones, made friends and met new people, moved from MN to CO…

But, the past couple of years haven’t been going very smoothly for me and life has become increasingly difficult.

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I Need to Learn How to be a Salesperson

TLC

Good morning and happy hump day, you lovely people!!

Alaska introduced me to Total Life Changes a few weeks after we started seeing each other. I was telling him about my work frustrations one night and asking him if he had a way I could get the hell outta there. I was kind of kidding, but he had an answer: I can build my own business!

It’s one of the ways he visibly takes care of me every day. He checks up on my progress and my contacts, he offers support and answers when I need help and have questions.

That being said…

Sales pitches aren’t my thing at all, but I REALLY want to share this with everyone I care about! I am SO excited about these products and the program!! I’ve lost 7 pounds in the last 3 weeks and I feel more energetic and healthy than I ever have.

If you want to get healthy and feel better, please come and see what I am talking about: healthy coffee and cocoa and a night-time chai that will melt off the pounds while you sleep better and wake up more rested; an amazing cleansing Iaso tea that guarantees you will lose 5 pounds in 5 days…! But the long term body balancing and rejuventaing effects of the Ganoderma and Chaga are even more awesome! There are skin care products, and even an online fitness program to help you stay on track.

And, if you’re interested in making some extra money on the side, you can sign up to be a IBO yourself! After people sign up underneath you and start selling too, you could make enough money to pay for your products; even MORE!!

Please visit my product page to see what has me so excited!! And feel free to contact me through my blog if you have any questions. If I can’t help you, Alaska will!

http://iasotea.com/heatherlee or https://totallifechanges.com/heatherlee

TLC2

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Practice Makes Perfect

It’s so cute! Ever since Thing #1 started Beauty School in September, she’s been calling me every morning when she gets to school and every evening when she gets out.

Regency Beauty instI am not saying it’s unwelcome, just unexpected, and I think I like it, but we’ve never been phone-talking-type people so this behavior from her is strange and a little difficult to get used to.

I don’t think she’s calling me because she misses me or that she wants to hear the sound of my voice (although that thought does please me greatly), she’s simply calling me because the bus drops her off almost 30 minutes before school starts and she gets to the bus stop in the evening 15 minutes before her bus leaves.

I am SO proud of her. She just adapted to this new life like it wasn’t new to her at all.

She has to take public transportation — something completely new to her. So new that I asked Loverman to go with her on the bus for her first day. He actually did it! (I am not surprised that he did it, that’s why I asked him to. He likes Thing #1, too). Then he found things to do and waited around ALL DAY for her to be done with classes so he could walk back to the bus stop with her and make sure she knows exactly what to do. On top of it, he told her that if she ever has problems (like getting on the wrong bus or something like that) not to hesitate to call him and he will do anything he can to help her. Mr. Doom-n-Gloom hasn’t said anything to her about it at all — and he’s her REAL father!

I would like her to get a job, but her school schedule kind of disrupts any kind of regular schedule she could have. She has been filling out applications for jobs on-line and there is a Dunkin’ Donuts opening by our house in a few weeks — maybe one of those can pan out.

This weekend, her homework was to fill out 12 postcards with friends’ names asking them to come and check her out. She came to me at 10PM Monday night asking if she could have some of my friends’ addresses and I told her to just go on Facebook and ask some of her friends — in less than 10 minutes she had more than enough responses to fill out all her postcards. I think that really helped to get her excited.

(But I am not opposed to posting and endorsement for her here and on my Facebook page 😉 ) If you don’t mind getting your hair cut and/or colored, nails done, or a facial by a talented and blossoming student (and you live in North Denver), please let me know and I’ll hook you up! The rates are totally awesome and Thing #1 just started working “the floor” this week. She would be super-excited to have “regulars”, or even just to have someone ask for her by preference. And, Guys, don’t think that you’re excluded in this either. She is thinking about going to Barber School after this because she would rather spend her days in a Barber Shop than in a Beauty Salon (boys are just funner to hang out with than girls, I guess).

So far, she has buzz-cut my hair (I shave the little curly hairs at the back of my neck — but she says that’s her favorite thing to do), done Thing #2’s nails numerous times and braided cornrows in my hair. I know that isn’t much, but she’s been practicing on her mannequins for the last 8 weeks and she just started with “real” customers two days ago. Just remember that:

Practice makes perfect

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Only 8 More Days

Celebration
Good news, everyone! I don’t have to take blood thinners any more for the blood clot in my left calf!!! YAY!!! I don’t think that I told you, but I really detested that doctor – the internist. Now, I never have to see him again!! I am going to finish up taking the blood thinners that I have left and then I am going to start a regimen of one St. Joseph’s aspirin a day, under the advisement of my mother 🙂

Next Tuesday (8 more days) I get to see the doctor that I like — the orthopedist — and they will take another x-ray of my ankle to see if I am well enough to resume my normal skating behavior! I am so anxious it’s killing me! But, the waiting is getting easier the longer I have to do it…

And the coolest thing about next Tuesday is:

after my doctor appointment, Loverman and I get to go out-of-town together for two whole nights!

I only have to wait 8 more stinking days…

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The Little Things in Life

Sometimes it’s so easy to overlook the very little things that we should be thankful for. Like my adventure the other day helping me appreciate the excellence of my office and my very sturdy desk. (I guess, because that doesn’t happen very often, it’s not really a little thing though, huh 🙂 Regardless, I still appreciate it very much!!!)

Sometimes I think it can be difficult to realize the simple things that just come into our lives as normal every-day occurrences because they happen so often it’s easy to “get used to them”.

Like, making it home at the end of your day without having an accident

Or the virtues in something as simple as nipples (thank you, mrguypants, for your lovely Ode!).

What about your houseplants sitting in the window as they so joyfully soak up the dazzling sunlight. They seem to express their gratitude for the care you give them and the radiant sunlight by looking better for you every day! Doesn’t being with your plants raise your spirits even just a little?!? It must, because you keep watering them and feeding them.

How about your pet? Do you have a pet? Even something as simple as a fish tank. Revel in their splendor – how they are there  for you and only you. That’s freaking special!

On a more serious note. What about your bed, your blankets? It’s going to be winter soon and there are plenty of people out there (and kids too) that won’t have that bed, blanket, or even breakfast when they wake up from their cold sleep. There are days even those people can find things to be grateful for.

Did your kids wake up without a fuss this morning when you woke them up to get things started? If so, HOLY CRAP! That’s a HUGE thing to be grateful for in my house!

When is the last time you laughed? Why did you laugh? Who made you laugh? Did you “Pay it Forward”?

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Gratitude, Part 3

Shaymin the Gratitude Pokémon

Being grateful has its health benefits, too! It’s like exercise — the more you do it the easier it gets and the better it feels (also, “use it or lose it”). And don’t forget, philosophers consider gratitude to be a virtue!

Don’t dwell on the negative.
Change your perspective.
If anything, just be thankful for the opportunity that was created and the lesson you have learned.

Gratitude can:

  • Lower your blood pressure, anxiety and hostility.
  • Help lower your stress level and ease the pain of loss.
  • A thankful attitude can make quitting smoking and losing weight easier.
  • Grateful people are less likely to feel depression, phobias and suffer from addiction. They generally take better care of themselves all-around.

Things to be grateful for:

  • WordPress 😉
  • Your job
  • Today
  • The vehicle that gets you to your job every day so you can pay your bills.
  • The sunrise/set
  • Music!
  • Dishwashers
  • Farmers
  • Etc… (I’m pretty sure you get it :))

Ways to help you feel gratitude:

  • Keep a gratitude journal (this is a very popular method)
  • Make a list of the things that make you happy – ask yourself, “Do I take any of these for granted?”
  • Write a Thank You note and deliver it (or not…)
  • Look for the good in “bad” things.
  • Use the power of your gratitude to help others feel good about themselves.
  • Give yourself pep-talks — reflect on challenging situations you have been in and praise yourself for the way you handled it/them.
  • Show gratitude to your body with some meditation, Tai Chi or yoga — breathe in and out repeating the words “thank you” while you praise the wonderful things your body and mind do for you…

Believe me, the more you say “Thank you” and show your appreciation for the little things, the better you will feel. The more I appreciate me and the things around me, the less validation I need to “get by”. It’s a most interesting thing!

References:

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Therapy

For the last week, I have been hearing ALL OVER that if you are cheating on your spouse you need to get therapy. In theory, I do not disagree. I do need therapy,  but not because I am a cheater.

I really don’t think it will help my marriage. First off, my husband won’t actually change. If two near death experiences haven’t changed him, then fuck if therapy will! Second off, in order for it to work for me I would have to want to stay married to him – I don’t. At this point

  1. I am staying with him because we can’t afford the divorce
  2. I can’t afford the freaking alimony I will have to pay(or “spousal maintenance” so my lazy-ass spouse won’t even have to try after I’ve left him <sigh>)
  3. To be truthful I don’t want my teenage daughters to see me give up on their dad while they are in high school. On top of all the teen drama, I don’t want them to have to worry about their homeless father

(he has never paid a bill in his life – before we got married he was a creditors NIGHTMARE! Things haven’t changed. I have tried giving him the responsibility, but he doesn’t pay and then I have to play catch-up. Like I said before, he was in the hospital’s ICU for two weeks in February and he hasn’t even thought about paying THAT bill! His specialist doctor is telling him he has to pay soon or he will not be able to call in refills on his prescriptions! <sigh>).

When we first started dating and eventually got married, I will admit that I was a total flake, too. We got kicked out of two apartments!

  1. We had just gotten married and we were both just plain irresponsible
  2. We were stupid with our limited money and chose to pay for frivolous things.

The second time, my youngest daughter was 1-month-old and we were evicted from our MN apartment on New Years Day!!!! Incident #2 opened my eyes completely. I became responsible with money: opened a savings account in my name for emergencies, opened up all the bills in my name and started paying them all on time, tried to build better credit by getting a credit card and paying it off every month. In this, I started seeing that I was the only one that had learned from these life-altering experiences. After a while, this really became a point of contention for me. I am not resentful that I had to grow up and he did not, I am resentful that I don’t have a PARTNER that CONTRIBUTES 50% – and I am not even talking monetarily. (to be fair, I understand that a relationship is not going to technically be 50/50)

I want him to get therapy so he can help himself. I want him to learn how to take care of himself physically, fiscally and emotionally. I want him to grow up so, as adults, my daughters don’t constantly feel obligated to check on him like he’s completely helpless (in life, that will happen soon enough anyway, why does he have to make it happen so much earlier?).

I want me to get therapy so I can get over the resentment I feel for him and have a healthy relationship with him as a responsible adult who happens to be the father of my children. I want to be able to think that the time I spent with him wasn’t a total waste of my life.

It is my understanding that therapy only works if a person thinks there is a problem. HE HAS TO WANT TO CHANGE and think his behavior is wrong (for the record, I know that cheating is wrong). He has told me way too many times that he’s going to change, just to go back to the old habits two months later – even knowing that those bad habits are what is killing him!

That was a lot of words and thoughts all jammed into this post. Hopefully it all makes sense. I am frustrated and hurt and incredibly disappointed that the man I chose to spend the rest of my life with did not choose to grow along with me. Will therapy really help that?

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