Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes


It’s Christmas.

You’re the only thing that I miss.

There’s no reason; I never meant anything to you; you never got me a gift.

Holidays were just a time for you to ignore me. Read the rest of this entry »

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Self Doubt…

…It’s killing me.

I want to blame Loserman, but it really only starts there. The rest is me and my lame choices during my struggle to get over that horrible horsefly.

  • Scorpio – we’re still friends. Regardless, he was a bad choice.
  • TC – believe it or not, he’s a tough one to get over. Even though I only knew TC for a short time, he really broke my heart.

Read the rest of this entry »




Loverman takes such good care of me. Frequently it’s right in front of the husband’s seeing eyes. Here are a few examples:medical-foot-doctor

  • Loverman was the one who was with me when I broke my ankle, he was the one I wanted to be with me after my surgery, and he is also the one that I bring to all of my follow-up appointments.
  • Loverman was the one who carried me up the two flights of stairs to my apartment after my surgery because I was too “out of it” to climb up myself — this happened right in front of the husband’s face.
  • Loverman is the one to make sure that I get to work safe when it’s snowy. He comes to pick us up and brings me to work, dropping off my daughters at school on the way (also the husband’s daughters!).
  • Yesterday, while he was waiting to bring us to work/school, Loverman was the one to scrape off the car I’m driving (when the roads are clear) so I wouldn’t have to — the husband watched him from our deck.

Loverman seems to take pride in how well he takes care of me and how satisfied I am.
The husband doesn’t even seem to notice that I have needs, let alone how there is another man fulfilling them!

Do you think the husband appreciates that he no longer has to do all of that work to take care of me? Maybe he should be thanking my sexy Loverman for taking that headache off his hands… IMHO, it’s just because the husband is completely inattentive to anyone’s needs other than his own. He is completely content to just sit in his room, playing on the computer, sleeping whenever he feels like it… Eating whatever he can fit in his body and then complaining when his favorite foods are all gone… (I’ve told him that he sleep eats, he categorically denied it!! I’ve even woken him up in the middle of one of his ‘episodes’ and he still denies…)Dishes-dirty-CC Mr. Doom-n-Gloom can’t even walk to the grocery store that’s 4 blocks away to get more donuts?!?!

Last night when I came home:

  • The sink was full of dirty dishes
  • There was a cutting board with raw chicken on it just sitting on the counter for god-knows how long
  • The garbage was beyond overflowing
  • Dinner hadn’t even been started (except if that raw chicken was the beginning of something, but it looked like the end to me)
  • He was passed out in his bed, wouldn’t even answer his door when we knocked

Tiny FaerieThis morning he was all butt hurt because we hadn’t done any of those things. (ummm, I DID clean up the raw chicken mess…). What? Does he think that the magical cleaning fairies come when he sleeps 15+ hours in a 24-hour day!? He then got a few choice sentences on how I felt about him leaving the raw chicken sitting naked on the counter again.

I am giving him a chance to make up for that today, but I am not holding my breath…

The husband works a maximum of 5 hours a day and that is during the peak season (Thanksgiving to Christmas). Right now is not peak season and he is working 3 hours each day. Work for him starts at 1:30AM and goes to (maybe) 4:30 in the morning, and though I acknowledge that package handling is hard physical labor, you would think that after doing it for 10 years he would be used to it by now…

Oh well… If only he knew how every day he’s making it easier for me to let him go when the time finally comes…

Better Person Today