Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

Temporarily Reunited

So…. Something very unexpected happened to me recently.

Lov(s)erman returned the $800 he borrowed from me BACK IN 2014!!!

Long Story, Short:

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Lost

lost

As time passes and I get farther and farther away from my last contact with Loserman, I feel more and more lost.

Every day I think of a new reason to call him – or I just end up mulling over the old ones.

  • The valve cover gasket in Breezy is leaking oil into the spark plugs and needs to be replaced. As you may already know, he’s always been my mechanic and he’s the one who rebuilt Breezy’s engine.
  • I still have his roller skates in a duffel bag in my back seat. I want to call him and ask if he wants them (and I miss my skate partner)
  • Next Monday is my birthday… Having a good day with him is all I want as a gift.

The biggest reason I don’t reach out to him is fear of rejection.

And, I guess if I had to be honest, pride…

There were really bad parts to our relationship, especially at the end when he seemed to turn into someone else.

But, before that, there were amazing times.

If there wasn’t, I never would have started this blog and named it what I did.

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Us

I_BARE_SKIN

Today, right before the ass-crack of dawn, I will finally be on my way to TC for the weekend!!!

My flight leaves at 5:45 and arrives in Houston at 9:05. I have all day Friday and all day Saturday! The sad part is, my return flight leaves at 1:55 PM Sunday, which means that I really should be to the airport by noon. Especially since I am not familiar with it (LOL! I am so poorly traveled!).

I can have some anxiety in crowds/situations when I am not familiar with the environment or I don’t have “someone comfortable” with me. It’s something that I am working on because I know it’s a huge weakness of mine, but thinking about it can get overwhelming. I have to keep reminding myself that it is NEVER as bad as I think it’s going to be. And, the airport has literally thousands of people who can help.

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Loverman’s Current Situation

moving-day

For the last month, Loverman has been moving his things to a storage unit about 40 minutes away. Except for a few of his most important things — his bed, his 3 vehicles that don’t work, 1 vehicle that does work, some clothes, etc… — he is totally moved out of his wife’s house.

But he has nowhere to go.

His wife‘s house no longer has power. Water has been shut off for a second time. It has been 11 months since she has made a mortgage payment. Her son has been taken away by her mother to go live with his uncle. It’s only a matter of time before the bank forecloses on her house and she has to leave.

Loverman doesn’t want to be living there when it happens, so he is sleeping in a friend’s spare bed for the time being. While he’s there, he’s using their internet to find a place to live and a second job and a place to store his 3-4 vehicles.

I don’t talk about his money much, but his checks are garnished for child support (3 kids) so he gets very little of it after everyone else has taken their pieces. That’s why I am always giving him money and trying to help him out. I would want someone to help me if I needed it, right?

Which is why he needs to get a second job. I can’t give him enough money for an apartment and he can’t live with me… Even if Doom-n-Gloom wasn’t there, I wouldn’t be able to live with Loverman, not until Thing #2 has graduated from high school in two years. I joke about how he could come over and sneak up into my loft and sleep there all day. No one would notice…

I have been thinking about this a lot recently along with sorting out what I really want and trying to get my life in order. I have tossed around the idea of putting a down payment on a trailer home or condo or something for him/us. It would be in both of our names and he would make the monthly payments. I’m not planning on moving in with him or anything, at least not right now. But I would have something to fall back on when I finally do split from the husband.

Or, I’d have a rental property if things don’t work out.

But all of that depends on whether or not I get a bonus at the end of this year, and how much it is.

I’m not trying to put the cart in front of the horse here, but I enjoy having these ideas to toy around with. It gives me something to look forward to. I’m not building expectations here, just dreams.

And somewhere in those dreams, I feel power.

SunClouds

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