Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

S.L.U.T.

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Another Disappointment

There is a reason why I post what I post; I’m sure you are perfectly aware of that… And there are times when I think I don’t want to tell all of you what I’ve done because of my shame.

Funny thing is, that shame doesn’t always deter me from making the choices I make, but sometimes it does affect what I decide to tell you.

I listen to your loving advice and then sometimes I just do the opposite – even though I know it’s against my better judgment.

I’m not even drunk when I make these stupid choices! If I was, well, that would be some kind of excuse, right? My inhibitions were lowered, my feelings were so strong I just had to, etc…

I publish posts about trusting intuition and not giving into temptation because I am trying to help myself learn how to be.

I even read a freaking book about how men’s brains work.

But I still have too many moments of weakness and continue to make bad choices.

Fortunately for me the Universe saved me once again (which is probably why I am even telling you about my stupidly bad choice).

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Work and Sex Don’t Mix?

Sex on Desk

There’s a gentleman at work. He’s one of our agents and works as an independent contractor. He doesn’t come into the office very often, but we talk on the phone quite a bit.

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Teasing Scorpio

I was bored and horny last Friday evening, so I thought I would harass the hell out of Scorpio. (He’s staying with an aunt about two hours away. She recently had surgery and he’s staying with her to help out.)

GonnaDo

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How Long Must I Wait…

… for my release?

I am horny and frustrated.

Pent up and repressed.

My imagination constantly returns to thoughts of pleasure and appeasement.

Not knowing when…

Is this a test? (is that a stupid question?)

Is this a part of my ‘training’? (and this as well?)

Would it be easier if I knew…

How long must I wait?

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Lethargy and Sadness

I’m only fucking 42

… and a half!

I really don’t know what’s wrong with me.

Something’s pretty wrong with me, too. Because I don’t even want to go skating this week!

In fact, I don’t really want to do much of anything.

It’s not PMS. According to my schedule, I should be ovulating right now. I should be horny as hell.

Which I am, but something else is wrong and  I can’t put a finger on it.

My right hand keeps trying to fall asleep. That’s been going on for about 6 weeks now, on and off.

It doesn’t only happen when I am lying on my arm, it also happens when I am actually doing things with my hand/arm.

I’m pretty sure it’s a pinched nerve in my mid-back. If you wanted, I could show you exactly where it is.

I don’t want to go to a doctor.

I don’t want to do much of anything.

My ankles are starting to hurt me again, like they did right after my broken ankle healed and I started to resume “normal” activity.

I haven’t changed my diet significantly and I can’t think of any new supplements I’ve been taking that would make me hurt more.

My grandfather died of rheumatoid arthritis, but (again) I don’t want to go to a doctor to find out if I have it.

Because if I do, he could tell me what’s wrong with me and that makes it real.

Maybe it’s just the barometer and I can blame the “monsoonal flow” for my incredible joint soreness.

There’s a dark brown patch of skin on the side of my face that just appeared this year.

My face has always been blotchy, but this is a new spot.

The other spots irritated me, but this spot is dark and it’s big and it’s new.

And this sadness thing. That’s different.

I am usually sad as hell and cry at the drop of a hat for 3 days every month, right before I have my period. Then I go back to being a emotionally-regulated human being.

I’m not going to menstruate for at least two more weeks. *sigh*

My gratitude meter is dangerously low.

Usually I uplift myself with thoughts of thankfulness. I have so much to be thankful for.

It’s not working.

I really don’t want to do much of anything.

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