Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

Houston, We Have a Problem

unmotivated

I have no real desire to write anything… As if you couldn’t already tell that by my lack of writing… I have a whole Sk8cation to tell you about! I had a roommate. We didn’t get along so well…

Also, I haven’t been keeping up with other bloggers like I usually do. (I’m sorry, Friends! ❤ )

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Fear and Excuses

“Do you think I am an automaton? — a machine without feelings? and can bear to have my morsel of bread snatched from my lips, and my drop of living water dashed from my cup? Do you think, because I am poor, obscure, plain, and little, I am soulless and heartless? You think wrong! — I have as much soul as you — and full as much heart! And if God had gifted me with some beauty and much wealth, I should have made it as hard for you to leave me, as it is now for me to leave you. I am not talking to you now through the medium of custom, conventionalities, nor even of mortal flesh: it is my spirit that addresses your spirit; just as if both had passed through the grave, and we stood at God’s feet, equal — as we are!”
Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre

All I am hearing from you is fear and excuses. Are you even attempting to understand what I am trying to say?!?

I am trying to love you!

I’m scared, too. I was scared of being vulnerable and letting you in, but now that I have, I’m scared of losing you.

I am trying to give you forgiveness, openness, honesty, gentleness and love. With all of my being I want to fight back and say mean things that hurt you and make you cry. I want your heart to bleed as mine is, but that is just plain mean and I don’t feel like being mean. I care about you.

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So Sorry

I’m so sorry YOUR feelings got hurt because YOU fucked up and *I* was held responsible for it.

After you watched as I was humiliated and berated for YOUR completely unacceptable and inappropriate work behavior, you couldn’t just leave me alone for a few minutes to chill out?!?!

Why does that even surprise me at this point?

I simply said, “I’m sorry. Please give me some time to cool off. This has been a very rough morning and I am very upset right now. It’s very difficult to be humiliated like that for someone else’s mistake and just bounce back.”

So you storm into your office, close the door and start sassing me while you sit behind your locked office door.

How fucked up is that?

full of fuck

Are there even grown-up people that act like fucking adults any more???

Why can’t I know some of those people?!

I’m starting to wonder…

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