It was so nice to be with Loverman again: my addiction. It’s like I’ve come down from a high and then I get high again and have to come down all over.
Or, maybe a better analogy would be a pendulum. I feel like I am swinging over to one side and then momentum carries me all the way across to the opposite side, just to be flopped back for forth.
Again and again and again.
But, I guess that’s what love is, right? Ups and downs, highs and lows, ins and outs 😉 …
Twice I told him that I love him. Once last night before bed and once this morning when we woke up. Something totally unprecedented!
Some of you may be thinking, “If you love him so much, why are you fucking Mr. AM on the side and still entertaining messages from other men?”
Truthfully, I really don’t fucking know. All I know is that I am trying to figure this shit out like everyone else in this crazy place. Maybe I think I need a diversion when Loverman isn’t around, maybe I am trying to maintain some type of separation from him because I don’t want to get too close. Maybe I need a self-confidence boost. Maybe I am trying to mess things up…
But the fact remains, I really do love my sexy Loverman, and the feelings I have for him confuse and befuddle me every single day.
Of course there are things that I don’t love about him, too. But on the whole he’s a pretty awesome guy with some commitment issues.
We are creatures of habit, Loverman and I. So, our reunion Date Night this week was like we just went all back to normal again. A nice drive “up the hill” to our casino hotel. We saw our regular bartender who, over the course of 2 hours, served us 4 shots of tequila each — I love drinking with Loverman — then we strolled back to our room.
We took off our clothes in front of the television while we were still talking, about what I cannot remember, and then climbed into bed.
The topic of conversation changed then, and I can completely remember what we were talking about. It was one of the strangest thing to mention when you getting ready to sleep with your Other Woman. He asked me, “When we’re at skating, what do people call me?”
Me: Ummm… Your name?
Him: No, Peanut! I mean, do they call me your husband or boyfriend or what?
Me: Most everyone there thinks you are my husband.
Him: Do you say anything to them?
Me: Yes. I tell them you’re not my husband. Why do you ask?
Him: Because everyone refers to you as my wife. I tell them the same thing as you: that you are not my wife, that you are my best friend.
Me: One guy calls you my husband every single time he refers to you, and I correct him every single time. He just replies, ‘Whatever’ and shrugs.
Him: Yeah. I know who you’re talking about. I get that response from pretty much everyone anyways. What I think is strange is that all of them know your daughter, too.
(I don’t mention it here much, because it doesn’t really matter, but Loverman is almost as black as night. I’m a German Girl and most definitely white.)
Me: Yeah, and she’s as white as chalk! Obviously they don’t think you’re her father! But, we do all get along together very well and we kind of act like a family when we’re skating together.
He nodded in agreement and I said, “This is sure a strange conversation to have while we’re lying here in bed together, a little drunk, getting ready to have sex” and then I leaned over him and kissed him.
“Well, what do you want to talk about then?”
“How about no more talking right now,” and I kissed him again, deeply this time. Enjoying the feel of his full lips on mine, savoring the lingering taste of tequila on his breath. The alcohol allowed my thoughts to move from the awkward conversation to something completely different.
My right hand wandered down his body, underneath the sheets, to find that he was already erect and at full attention. I giggled and pulled the sheets down so I could take him slowly into my mouth and taste his salty firmness. It felt so good to have him this close to me again, to be able to feel his skin next to mine, feel the power I have over his body.
We made love like magical clockwork.
Like there had been no break.
There has never been a man who fits me so well.
Inside of me.
Outside of me.
I fell asleep in his arms.
We woke up the next morning and made love again.
It was perfect, and I would have loved to stay there in his arms but we needed to shower and get to work.
We made really good time on the way back and stopped for our breakfast of Lamar’s Donuts 🙂
I loved being able to spend so much time with him, talking and just being together.
I think I just need to keep reminding myself to slow down and stop thinking so much.
Since our date night Tuesday, we skated together Wednesday and Loverman was supposed to leave for his family reunion in Mississippi Thursday. Well… Thursday afternoon, half-way through Kansas, his passenger-side rear axle went out and he had to be towed back to Denver: 365 miles.
That’s a totally boring and long story that will be left untold, except to say that Loverman is home safe and now has nothing working of his own to drive.
Which I will probably learn more about this afternoon when I call him to tell him he can borrow my car 🙂
I hope everyone had a happy 4th of July and that you all get to enjoy a long weekend!