Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

The Last Word, Part 1

Right now Mick is away on a 10-day motorcycle excursion to Cincinnati and back for an American Legion thing.

With his girlfriend.

I may or may not have mentioned before that Mick is very involved with the Sons of the American Legion and the Legion Riders here in Colorado: he is vice-commander of the state.

Also, his girlfriend is involved with the Sisters of the American Legion. That’s how they met 10 years ago and that is why they are going on this trip together.

She gets to ride on the back of his motorcycle. She gets to stay in his hotel room. She gets to eat meals with him. She gets to explore Cincinnati and the Ohio countryside with him during their down-time. Theoretically, anyway…

Ignore

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Uneasy Feeling

MixedFeelings_Carman

Monday morning I had a job interview. I think it went very well.

So, I told Mick.

My interview went great! The job is awesome, the company is awesome… And I think they liked me!

Now I have to wait and see if I get a 2nd interview with the owner! Woo hoo!

Sweet. Did they give you an idea how long that would be?

By the end of the week. They want me to start asap cuz the lady I’m replacing is done at the end of September. That will make my move kinda hard… but I can cross that bridge if I get to it.

That is quick. Have you checked the company from outside sources?

I did that all yesterday afternoon. It’s a great company! Very community-oriented, good team, nice office environment…

I’m glad you checked that company out, I would guess from more than one source. It would suck if you go and then it’s not so neat.

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Learning Curve

Every time something ends with a guy, I want to run back.

Maybe it’s because I don’t know how to deal with feelings of loss.

Maybe it’s because I want to stay with what’s familiar.

Maybe it’s fear that I won’t be able to find something as good. I mean, the relationship has ended, but it was something. If that something wasn’t good, I probably wouldn’t have stuck around for as long as I did (or want to go back, for that matter).

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Throwback Thursday: 06/27/2010

mistake

This is what I wrote the first time that Loserman stopped talking to me, 5 damn years ago, before I started my blog.

It reads just like present-times…

It’s over. Done. He hung up on me on Father’s Day while we were talking about when he would be able to finish fixing my car. It hurts so bad this time that:
  1. I don’t even want to write about it, it’s so stupid – maybe finally his wife found out and he’s trying to prove something to her about his love (see #3 for more on his loving her)…
  2. I feel like such a moron for thinking that all the bullshit he said was true. like “I love you”, “I’ll never leave you”, “I’m always be with you”, “I’m yours already”…  FUCKED UP!  Why would I EVER in a BILLION YEARS think that such a beautiful man would ever truly WANT me.  He’s the biggest self-involved mother-fucker that I have met to date, but I felt special because he ‘liked’ me.
  3. The stupidest parts of #2 are related to #1…  Like – why didn’t I listen to my better judgment? I’m old enough that I should have been smarter.  He obviously has a problem with commitment… He tries but then there’s this regular problem that he refuses to deal with and then ‘his girlfriend’ gets out of control because truly he’s a self-involved mother-fucker! I am impressed that his wife could deal with the bullshit for so long – and he’s only being nice to her because she is paying all of his bills right now.
  4. Because of that mother-fucker I am starting to hate myself again!  And I AM going to blame it on him. It’s that “horsefly’s” fault for even letting me think that an “us” was even possible. He must be getting what he needs from his wife…
I am SO angry with myself. So mad that I could be stupid enough to believe the things that he said. Even if he does try to contact me at this point I think he’s truly shown me what a horrid person he is and I can’t even let him in again for the most-awesome-sex-that-I-could-ever-know.  It was SO good.  I think he could be right.  I did only want him for his “froggy style”…
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Ignore Them

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Our First Fight

without

Ha ha ha. How cute, right?

Not!

Last Saturday night, while we were talking, TC confessed that he owed me an apology for thinking that I was a wimp (whiny pee-pee head is the word he used) when I was complaining about the heat in Houston on my first day there. I haven’t really made a big deal about this here but, over a week later, I am still reeling from the heat rash it gave me – I have complained to him a couple of minor times about it since I got home…

Anyway, even though he very sincerely apologized for thinking I was a whiny pee-pee head, I couldn’t shake it from my head all day Sunday and all day Monday. The fact is, until he told me that, I thought he was fine with me and the thought never even occurred to me that he would think I’m a pussy!

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Fade Away

Image result for if you ignore me quotes

I wish I could tear my heart away from you

As easily as you have withdrawn yours from me

Talking to me less and less

As if you’ve completely lost interest

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Just Fucking Tell Me

There was supposed to be a real-life story that goes along with my question, but I just couldn’t articulate it well.

I am so emotionally conflicted about it that I am having a hard time putting it in words. Probably because it hits so close to my heart right now… I’ve tried typing it out and I’ve tried writing it down.

No matter what, I can’t make the story come together congruently. Read the rest of this entry »

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Did You Even Notice?

Lovers by Ivan Koulakov

Lovers
by Ivan Koulakov

My dream was that you would always be my “Papa Bear”

That you would take care of me

And I you

That I would be able make you proud

And you would be able to forgive me when I didn’t

I tried to help you slay demons from your past

I tried to help set your spirit free

I showed you everything I am

I gave you forgiveness

I wanted you to trust me

I needed you to trust me

…to be as vulnerable with me as I was with you

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My “Private” Facebook Rant to Loserman

True-Friends

I sent the following message this Monday:

FixMyTruck-rev

No response at all, so I tried again Tuesday morning:

FixMyTruck2

Again, no response.

So…

I decided that, since Facebook is Loserman‘s preferred forum for communication and he’s decided to ignore me in the real world (unless he’s been in jail, laid up in a hospital or dead), I would try to get his attention via the virtual one instead.

Don’t worry, though. I am not a teenage girl and I did not post this status update for everyone’s eyes: just mine and Loserman’s (and now yours 😉 ).

ITrustedYou

I guess that worked because, 5 hours later, I got this text response from him:

o-ring

He’s been waiting for that “o-ring” since before he dismantled my engine over a month ago. I’m 90% sure his statement was a lie: a stall tactic because he hasn’t done or ordered shit!

But, at least it’s something, right?

Ha ha

Here’s my response:

o-ring-response

He did not reply, but I can see that it was delivered to him.

I have had about as much shit I can take from his Loserman ass. Two and a half more weeks will probably put me at my limit, if not over the top.

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