Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

Maybe Submission Isn’t For Me (aka The Note I Didn’t Send)

Wild Submission~ submission photo WS3_zpsfe6495a3.jpg

I think part of my issue with my submitting to you 100% is that I don’t really know my place. It’s hard for me to define myself as your little girl (or you as my Daddy) because, no matter what, for right now I am only the temporary ‘side bitch’. The thought is preventative and defeatist, I know, but I can’t get it out of my head. I am so lost and confused in my feelings about ‘us’. Right now I am supposed to be yours as your kitten/toy/doll/little girl, but I don’t really know what that means or entails. We’ve established boundaries, but not enough for me to establish a definite ‘role’. We are just starting to touch on which behaviors of mine are acceptable to you and which are not. When do I call you Sir or [Mick] or Daddy? Or are they interchangeable? Also something to think on, I don’t know why but I am having a tough time with calling you “Daddy”. It has slipped out in the past, before you defined yourself as such, now I find myself resistant to it. I am so fucked up…

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Daddy

ScaredKitten

Late Wednesday evening last week, Mick said something in an email that set me off. I don’t even know what it was that got me.

Maybe I was looking for an excuse to be angry with him or pick a fight… I don’t honestly know… Any enlightenment you can offer on the subject will be welcomed.

Hi baby doll,

I am so looking forward to tomorrow night. As always. Whether I am wailing on you or stroking you or just talking, I really like to be with you.

There are so many things that I want to know about you. I am not sure if you are ready to tell me yet. I know you are trying to not get too attached. I get that. There are things about me that I am not sure you want to know either. I have been having some random thoughts today and wanted to write some of them down. Your question at lunch yesterday was interesting how you posed it. [I asked if he was going to be able to keep up with me.] I am concerned about the age difference because it is more than I have been apart from anyone I have been with. I have not exactly been easy on my body through the years and I am concerned that I may not be able to keep you happy in a few years. Not just sexually, but in all aspects. I know that you have already made some “sacrifice” to be with me now. I don’t want you to have to keep making them for me. I want to make you happy for many, many years. I am pretty sure you are deserving of that. I am starting to think of my own mortality and don’t want people to sacrifice for me. I have lived most of my life believing that I need to sacrifice for others to try and repay for my past. I am in somewhat of a quandary and don’t know what to do. Let’s talk about this soon. Doesn’t have to be tomorrow. Just know that this is on my mind a lot, just as I think about how you make me feel is on my mind a lot.

Hope you had a good skate tonight. I want to come watch you sometime, but not sure if I should. I am doing my best to respect your position of not getting too attached.

Just kind of rambling now. Sleep well my sweet kitten and I will see you in dreamland. Read the rest of this entry »

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Bitch on the Side

everything2

So… Why did I change my mind and decide to let Mick have 6 months of my life and my self?

Basically it all boils down to the fact that he treats me the way I’ve always wished to be treated.

And it’s only 6 months, 180 days… If it doesn’t work, I didn’t even waste a year on trying to figure it out. Shit! I’ve wasted that much time on Alaska! Although it is much easier to figure things out with Mick because he communicates.

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6 Months

She Wants

It’s been a little over a week since Mick had his flashback.

We have since spent another Thursday night, Friday evening and Sunday afternoon together – with and without kink and completely without incident.

Other than the two posts (Sharing Space and Mind and About Last Night), I haven’t written about it because my emotions have been pretty scrambled.

Thursday night was special to me because Mick accidentally let me see a part of his inner self. But after that, *he* was having issues with letting his guard down too much with me and *I* was having issues with liking him too much.

Spending Friday night with Alaska was supposed to help put some distance between Mick and me. Instead, it put more distance between Alaska and me (which is what needed to happen anyway).

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About Last Night

Below are my email correspondences with Mick the day after our choking incident/mishap/”episode”

JumpingIntoBed
Hope you’re having a good day! I saw this picture and it made me laugh. I love a good bed to jump into and have it fluff all around me. Work is creeping along here like a turtle. I sincerely wish I could be jumping into that fluffy bed next to you.

Last night was amazing and special and very memorable. Thank you so much for sharing little bits of your soul with me. Yes, you’ve told me that you won’t be able to talk with me about some of those things ever – just the fact that you stayed mentally with me last night and didn’t withdraw into yourself was very special and meant a lot to me. And I was only scared for a millisecond. When I saw your face, I realized where I was, that I was safe and heard the same song still playing (though I can’t remember what it is now 😉 )

Enough of that sappiness… You are great and wonderful and I feel ever so special when I’m with you – like I’ve never known! Thank you for a lovely night and morning!
Your Kitten

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Craigslist Date #2

(My Craigslist Personal Ad)

He will be called Mick because he looks almost exactly like Mick Fleetwood, only shorter (and a bit like my dad and Willie Nelson, too. The dad part’s a little creepy…)

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The Rest of My Saturday with TC

One of the first things I brought up with TC after breakfast was the way his body quakes and trembles whenever I touch him. Even the slightest touch… I think that will forever fascinate me. Or, at least I hope it will!

After finishing coffee, we moved over to the bed so I could give him a back rub. I wanted to get him good and relaxed enough that he might be able to fall back asleep again, but no such “luck”. Instead, he rolled over and told me he was ready for a snack 😉 So I complied by climbing up to the head of the bed, grabbing onto the headboard and sitting on his face.

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Monday Motivation: Coffee

Image result for monday motivation coffee

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