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Too Much Power

Since last September, I’ve been spending a lot of time inside my head. It was a tough time to recover from: Mick’s verbal harassment, moving, having my car stolen…

Shit! Just a move by itself is enough to send a person’s life into topsy-turvies…

I ended up dragging a couple of very special people into my drama, then seemingly dropped off the planet. There’s no excuse for that. I was simply a scared kitten.

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My Very Brief Weekend Dating “Adventure”

My Very Brief Weekend Dating “Adventure”

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Last Wednesday I received the sweetest note on FetLife. The subject was “Interested, so very interested”. The message that followed was so charming I checked out his profile.

He’s only 26. Not much there for a profile, but I don’t have much either. Just pictures, and only one kind of with my face.

He didn’t have any pics posted online, but he addressed that in his note:

The way I see it being loud is like cheer leading, lets me know I’m doing a good job, and you can break as much of my skin as you like 😉
Hi, I’m “RS” (short for Rock Star) and I’m hoping that we can get to know each other.
What kinds of things are you into (both vanilla and kink)
I don’t have any pictures on my profile right now, but if you’re interested I can send you some via email or KIK.

Note: Rock Star is not his name on FetLife

I responded. He sent pics. He was gorgeous. We emailed a couple more times and then exchanged numbers. He’s new at the kink thing and so am I. We had common interests in rope/bondage, wax play, switching and also similar personalities and interests outside of the bedroom.

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Monday Motivation: Letting Go

I am still working on this… It’s been almost a year, yet every day I still think of Loserman and wish for what we had… But also every day I tell myself that the Loverman I know and love is completely gone… After all, Life is Shadows, and shadows are impermanent and ever-changing… Both good and bad..
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Unexpected Lunch Surprise

Unexpected Lunch Surprise

When we met for lunch yesterday, I thought we were simply going to meet for lunch.

I was quite happy with that because I had already seen him the day before and I enjoy his company (touch).

During our prior lunch date, I mentioned that I had finished my book. It seemed like he was eager to have his turn reading it, so I really thought he just wanted to go over that with me…

Anyhow… Later yesterday morning he sent the message, “Good morning, Flower. I will text you details a little later about lunch. But it’s going to be around our usual time.” (see? Lunch.)

I thanked him for telling me and sent him Kisses and Sunshine.

At about 1PM, he sent me the hotel name and address. *sigh* My heart skipped a beat and I told myself that there was probably a cool restaurant in the lobby or next door or something like that (yeah, right… But *you know* that if I had started thinking we were actually going to get naked together, I would start getting nervous! I was trying to stay calm. Also, I wasn’t ready for a ‘first encounter’ — if I had known this was going to happen I would have shaved my legs, right? At least I had on a new pair of panties. Whew! 😉 )

We sent a couple messages back and forth, but he was busy.

Ten minutes before I was to arrive, he sent me the room number and “directly behind the office second floor”.

That’s when I started to get nervous! My heart was thumping, but I was telling myself he probably just wanted to have somewhere quiet and private to go over my book and our ‘rules’. You know, stuff like that.

By the time I was parking the car, I knew why I was really there and I think my nervousness calmed a little.

I mean, this is what I wanted, right?

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(His words, not mine) I can hear his voice saying this to me

It was awesome! I wish we had more time. I could have laid with him for the rest of the afternoon and into the night…

The ‘ice’ has been broken. I was given incredible orgasmic release many, many times…

He was definitely worth the wait!

But I can’t help worrying if I did well. If he’s satisfied, too.

(I know, I know… I worry too much!)

Was *I* worth the wait?

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Oh, Mr. X, did I take off any of your edge?

Assuage any of your hunger?

He was so quiet. So very quiet.

Not even a grunt (maybe a couple quiet ones near the end 😉 ).

I’m telling myself that it was just because I felt so good — he had to concentrate that hard not to cum.

But I can’t help wondering:

Why didn’t he text me back?

*sigh* I have so much more to learn…

Fuck Regret!

Fuck Regret!

NeverRegretAnything

I can’t go back and change what has already passed.

If it was a mistake, all I can do is learn from it and grow.

Regret by Hisgirlmaybe

I don’t think I’ve ever actually regretted something. Is that bad? Because I know I’ve made some bad choices, bad decisions. But I don’t think I can say that I actually and honestly regret any of them. Sure I wonder what my life would be like if I’d made a different choice or not did something but, I don’t know.
It’s weird I hear how people regret things all the time and part of me thinks I should too but I don’t think I do.
I don’t know what that means..